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Clips from The Simpsons - The Trouble with Trillions (S09E09)

"Mr. Simpson, this government computer can process over nine tax returns per day."
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"No, sir. I'm really sorry, sir. An older boy told me to do it."
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"No, sir. Please, I can't go to prison."
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"They pee in a cup and throw it on you! I saw it in a movie."
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"You won't be seeing any prison movies where you're going- prison!"
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"Anything? Well, that's a start."
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"- I'm very happy to meet you. - From now on, you're gonna work for us."
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"Okay, but could you pay me under the table?"
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"[Whispering] I got a little tax problem."
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"Not spy, squeal. I've got no choice."
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"The government has no right to use you this way."
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"- [Grunts] There you go, ratboy! - Does this make me look fat?"
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"- No. It makes you look like a tool of government oppression. - But not fat?"
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"If my cover gets blown and I need help, what's the signal?"
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"- [Crowd Cheering On TV] - Hey, I see you're watchir a ball game."
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"Looks like a good one. Any of you involved in any illegal activity?"
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"- 'Cause I could sure go for some. - Oh, God!"
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"How about you, Lenny? Testing, testing. Lenny?"
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"You saying you want to commit a crime, Homer?"
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"Maybe. But first I need to hear about some other crimes to get me fired up."
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"You mean like the time you was running moonshine out of your basement?"
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"Uh, like those. But involving you."
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"Oh. You mean like the time Barney beat up George Bush?"
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"Barney? That was me! And I'd do it again."
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"Hey, how did they finger Charlie? Somebody must've ratted him out!"
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"Oh, that's ridiculous, Moe. End transmission."
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"[Ducks Quacking]"
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"My superiors were pleased with your work."
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"- You have a flair for treachery. - Well, I'm just glad it's all over."
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"[Chuckles] Oh, you're not through, Simpson. We have a high-risk assignment for you."
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"Why do you keep picking on me?"
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"Marge's name was on that tax return too."
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"[Grunts] That wasrt part of the deal."
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"We're here. Get in."
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"Mr. Simpson, please cover your ears while I say the secret access word."
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"Cheese."
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"[Man Narrating] Good morning, AgentJohnson. The film you are about to see..."
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"is top secret and contains adult situations."
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"In 1945, the people of Europe struggled to rebuild following the war."
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"- [Homer Chuckles] Losers. - Shut up, Simpson."
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"American tax dollars will help our allies..."
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"who fought so poorly and surrendered so readily."
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"[Narrator] To make good on this drunken boast..."
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"of the largest denomination currency ever- a trillion-dollar bill."
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"Ooh, a trillion-dollar bill."
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"That's a spicy meatball!"
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"The man chosen to deliver this precious cargo to Europe..."
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"was America's wealthiest, and therefore most trustwon'thy, citizen-"
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"C. Montgomery Burns."
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"[Crowd Cheering]"
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"Unfortunately, the money never arrived."
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"Well, this is a kick in the knickers."
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"Should we complain to somebody?"
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"No. I say we just act snooty to Americans forever!"
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"- I agree. - [Narrator] This film will self-destruct..."
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"if not properly stored."
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"We believe Burns still has that bill hidden somewhere in his house."
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"But all we've ascertained from satellite photos is that it's not on the roof."
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"We're hoping that as his trusted employee, you can help lead us to it."
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"But Mr. Burns gave me my job, and he hasn't fired me..."
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"even after three meltdowns and one China Syndrome."
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"And remember, this information is highly classified."
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"[Apu] Cheese!"
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"[Narrator] Good morning, AgentJohnson. The film you are about to see-"
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"Here you are, sir. Wild raspberry compote..."
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"- I hope you enjoy it. - Oh, stop fishing for compliments, Smithers."
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"Go home to your can of mushroom soup."
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"Sir, a kind word now and then-"
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"I'm choking it down. Isn't that thanks enough?"
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"Sometimes I don't know why I bother."
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"I'm in."
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"[Doorbell Rings]"
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"Now what, Smithers? l- You're not Smithers!"
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"Uh, I'm Homer Simpson, your trusted employee."
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"[Chuckles] Employee, eh?"
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"What a pleasant surprise!"
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"Hmm. A pack of vicious dogs should be ripping you to pieces."
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"- Uh, I don't know what to tell you. - Very well. Come on in."
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"Perhaps I have something I can scald you with."
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"It'll, uh, be a few minutes."
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"So, what brings you to my home?"
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"Well, Mr. Burns, you always come off as kind of a gruff, crotchety loner."
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"- But we both know that deep down inside- - [Strains] Ha-ha!"
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"- It's still cold. - Oh."
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"Come on! Where are you?"
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"Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm."
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"Umm, ehh, ooh-"
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"You're from Collier's magazine, aren't you?"
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"Are you going to put me in "Star Snoop"?"
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"Uh, yeah. Sure. That thing."
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"Well, I won't go without a fight. Wink, wink! [Chuckles] Let me show you around."
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"- I hope you don't mind a little walking. - [Groans]"
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"Well, of course, I didn't want a racehorse in my living room."
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"- But you don't say no to Spring Byington, do you? - No, you don't. [Chuckles]"
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"[Chuckling] Oh, you'll find this amusing-"
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"Here's a scoop for your readers- the Hall of Patriots."
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"tossing that tea without a care..."
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"for what the caffeine would do to the Fenway flounder."
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"- Is that a fish? - It was."
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"- Hey, that guy looks like you. - Oh-ho! That's me, all right-"
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"standing up against America's reckless spendthrift politicians."
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"It commemorates my liberation of a trillion dollars that would have been foolishly squandered."
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"- Let's move! - [Gasps]"
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"Is that the trillion-dollar bill in his hand?"
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"- Nobody move! - What the-"
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"Montgomery Burns, you're under arrest for grand, grand, grand, grand larceny."
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"Every year you make hardworking joes like my reporter friend here pay income taxes."
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"And for what? Aid to ungrateful foreigners..."
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"do-nothing nuclear missiles..."
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"Hey, he's right."
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"- You crooks in Washington- - Put a sock in it, punk!"
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"Oh, you can silence me, but you can't silence Collier's magazine."
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"Tell the people! Don't let the government push you around!"
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"You have a choice. Fight back!"
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"I'm gonna write the best darn article-"
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"Oh, wait. [Grunts]"
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"Take that, Uncle Sam!"
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"Faster, Simpson. Those jackbooted G-men won't be far behind."
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"We'll hide out at my place. I've got beer."
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"No! We need help. There's only one man who can get us out of a jam like this."
The Simpsons
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