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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Friendship Contraction (S05E05)

"Crew members will include Commander Tom 'Tombo' Johnson..."
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"...astronaut Mike 'Supernova' Novacelik, and payload specialist Howard Wolowitz.""
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"You know what, I'm so tired I can't even think straight. I'm going home."
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"See? Here, after "providing a confirmation sniff on questionable dairy products.""
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"I don't care. I'm done."
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"...and strips the Roommate Agreement to its essentials."
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"I got pretty exciting NASA news today."
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"It will serve you well when you take me to the dentist tomorrow."
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"...you're up, kid."
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"- Ninth? - You moved up one."
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"Mostly they cater to dogs..."
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"Absolutely. If you admit you're a 30-year-old man incapable of functioning on his own."
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"Power failure. Implementing power-failure protocol."
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"Please try not to see anything by this light."
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"It's not for you."
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"...and thought a nearby candy factory was on fire."
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"- What are you proposing? - That we go back to the way things were."
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"How would I do that?"
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"It's not crazy."
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"...we set aside a day to celebrate all your contributions to my life..."
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"...both actual and imagined by you."
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"But whoever that mystery man was, you should be eternally grateful..."
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"Hey. Good morning."
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"Howard, your Froot Loops are getting soggy!"
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"- Who's that? - My mom. Sorry."
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"- What the hell? - Emergency-preparedness drill."
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"- Oh, no. Come on. - Yeah, you know how it works."
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"Once a quarter, keep our readiness up."
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"Now, rise and shine, sleepy head. Half the town is probably dead."
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"I have to get a lock for my door."
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"I think you'll like the drill tonight. I've tried to make it fun."
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"Each of these cards contains a detailed scenario of a possible apocalyptic event."
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"Everything from wildfires to a surprise invasion by Canada."
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"Pick a catastrophe, any catastrophe."
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"Sheldon, Canada is not going to invade California."
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"Yeah, really? You think those hippies in Washington and Oregon can stop them?"
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"Oh. Fine."
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"Alrighty. An 8.2-magnitude earthquake devastates Pasadena..."
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"...reducing mighty edifices to dust, engulfing the city in flames..."
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"...the streets flow with blood and echo with the cries of the wounded."
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"Oh, excellent choice. Now, put on your hard hat and safety vest."
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"Oh, fun. I get to spend another night in front of our apartment..."
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"...dressed like one of the Village People."
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"You make that joke every three months, I still don't get it. Leonard, wait."
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"- What are you doing? - I don't know. What am I doing?"
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"Look around you, there's hypothetical broken glass everywhere."
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"Really? You're going to face Armageddon without your orthotics? Your choice."
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"- Uh-oh! Hypothetical aftershock. - Unh! Aah!"
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"And that's why we wear hard hats."
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"Check it out. Press release. From NASA."
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"Ahem. "Expedition 31 will launch this spring to the International Space Station."
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"This is going right into my synagogue's newsletter."
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"If you're going to be an astronaut, you need to pick a cool nickname."
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"I don't get to. The other guys have to give it to me."
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"Oh. If I had one, it would be Brown Dynamite."
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"Are you not listening to me? The other astronauts have to give you your nickname."
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"Are you not looking at me? I am Brown Dynamite."
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"Why do you put six sugars in your coffee?"
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"Because the cafeteria doesn't offer little packets of methamphetamine."
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"- Emergency drill night last night, huh? - Uh-huh."
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"- How'd you do? - I'll tell you exactly how he did."
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""Readiness: Unsatisfactory. Follows direction: Barely.""
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""Attitude: A little too much.""
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""Overall: Not only will he probably die in a fiery inferno...""
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""...his incessant whining would most certainly spoil everyone else's day.""
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"Can one of you give this nutbag a ride later?"
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"You can't go home. You have to take me to the dentist at 4:00."
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"- Oh. Can't you take the bus to the dentist? - Of course I can."
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"It's coming back under the effects of the anesthesia that's the problem."
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"Two years ago, after a deep gum cleaning..."
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"- They put you under for a cleaning? - Yeah, they have to. I'm a biter."
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"Okay, whatever. Sheldon, I'm exhausted. I'm not taking you to the dentist."
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"Wrong, sir. Wrong. Under Section 37B of the Roommate Agreement..."
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"...Miscellaneous Duties, you are obligated to take me to the dentist."
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"You know what? I am sick of the Roommate Agreement."
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"It's ridiculous, I'm your roommate, not your chauffeur."
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"I had better things to do yesterday..."
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"...than drive you to the good model train store in Garden Grove..."
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"...because the one in Pasadena has gotten too big for its britches."
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"Well, it has. Ask anybody."
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"Hold on. Are you saying that you want to invoke Clause 209?"
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"I don't know what that is, but if it means I can go home and sleep, then yes."
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"Think carefully here. Clause 209 suspends our friendship..."
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"Our responsibilities toward each other would be rent..."
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"...utilities and a perfunctory chin jut of recognition as we pass in the hall."
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"What's up?"
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"Where do I sign?"
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"Right here. Use your finger."
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"- There. Done. - All right."
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"That's it. We are now no longer companions, boon or otherwise."
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"We are now merely acquaintances."
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"To amend the words of Toy Story, you have not got a friend in me."
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"- I'm gonna go home and take a nap. - Yeah, well, tell it to someone who cares."
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"Next week, I fly to Houston for orientation and zero-gravity elimination drills."
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"- What does that mean? - He's gonna learn to poop in space."
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"Open the pod bay doors, HAL."
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"Maybe your nickname should be Brown Dynamite."
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"Hello, dear friends. And Dr. Hofstadter."
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"What's up?"
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"My apologies."
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"I would've been here sooner but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it."
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"I saved you a dumpling."
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"Oh. Your concern for me is touching."
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"I'm sorry, Sheldon, I'm busy. I'm right in the middle of my addiction study."
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"I've got a lab full of alcoholic monkeys, and tomorrow we switch them to O'Doul's."
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"You're my girlfriend and you're not going to cater to my every need?"
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"Oh, where'd the magic go?"
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"Sheldon, that's not what girlfriends are for."
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"Although, you don't use them for what they're for, so what do I know?"
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"Howard doesn't make me do his shopping, take him to the dentist..."
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"- ...or pick up his dry cleaning, right? - Absolutely. But when Ma's hips give out..."
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"Well, if Amy's too busy, it gives the rest of you an opportunity to make my life easier..."
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"...thus assuring yourselves a footnote in my memoirs..."
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"...tentatively entitled You're Welcome, Mankind."
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"All right, then. Just shout when you hear the task you want to undertake."
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"Uh, dentist."
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"Okay, we can circle back to that one. Um..."
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"Who wants to take me Wednesday morning to get new heels put on my dress shoes?"
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"Anyone? Oh."
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"That one had "hoot" written all over it."
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