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Clips from 30 Rock - Señor Macho Solo (S03E03)

"I know Jack can get me an audition."
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"So I'm going to storm into his office in character."
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"Somebody's sleepy!"
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"I am sleepy. But I'm also excited..."
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"Hey, Max! Is this your baby sister? What a cute, little girl!"
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"I'm not baby crazy, Jenna."
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"Where did you get that little shoe?"
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"It isn't stealing if it fell on the ground."
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"So that's the tour, Elisa."
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"I think you'll find being my mother's nurse is a mixed bag."
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"When she's in a foul mood, it can be horribly unpleasant."
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"wanders around at night in Depression-era pettipants."
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"You should have seen my grandmother in her later years."
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"Do you know what kind of clothes old Puerto Rican ladies wear around the house?"
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"No."
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"But family is family. You're a good son."
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"Jack?! Somebody's got to dry me off!"
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"He just left, Mrs. Donaghy!"
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"Tracy, your friends and I are concerned about you."
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"We think your spending has gotten out of control."
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"Well, you bought three hours of network prime time"
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"for your salute to Benny Hill."
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"Jack, you don't get it."
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"I don't want to spend so much. I have to."
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"I'm afraid Angie will divorce me"
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"if I ever have enough money for her to live off of half."
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"So, before she can get it..."
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"I have to spend it all on useless things,"
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"Iike gold shoes and Grizz and Dotcom."
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"Well, she she's not going to get half your money, Tracy."
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"When Angie and I got married, my only assets were"
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"Let's bring Angie in here."
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"Okay."
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"I'll bring Angie in."
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"But I'm going to tell her this is all your idea."
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"Don't help me! I'm too proud."
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""Hi-ya", funny."
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"Hello, there."
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"Yeah, I do. I like your tie."
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"Yeah."
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"What?"
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"Howdy, Jack! It's me, Janis Joplin!"
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"And I want to audition for my Sheinhardt-Universal biopic so bad"
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"that I came here dressed as me."
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"Well, I dressed normal. But my friend, Jenna Maroney..."
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"She should be my understudy."
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"I mean, she should audition for me."
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"But I'm me, now, actually."
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"Ongoing train wreck aside, I love this idea. It's great synergy."
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"Yeah!"
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"with every missile guidance system we sell."
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"Boy, I feel like I've just been talking non-stop."
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"It's my fault for wanting to hear all about your job."
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"It's just so much more interesting than the U.N."
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"Oh, come on. Really? You've got all the different languages and the costumes and"
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"that big meeting room. It must be like working in the Galactic Senate in "Star Wars"."
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"We are also very concerned about the growing influence of the Sith Lords."
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"Who was that?"
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"Only insofar as we met because I touched his head thinking he was a child?"
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"I like him. He's smart, he's funny, he's got a job..."
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"I always find a way to screw good things up."
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"Did I mention that we met because I thought he was a baby?"
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"He doesn't have to know that."
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"Oh. He can't know that."
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"But what if I say something stupid?"
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"Liz. You like this guy. You're a grown woman."
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"So, let me get this straight."
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"and then Tracy decides to run away with that chunky chick from "Hairspray"..."
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"Or any female of equivalent thickness."
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"Then I get $8500?"
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"That is correct."
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"I'm never going to leave this man, anyway."
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"Baby, I'm going to be with you until the very end."
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"I'm going to watch you die, Tracy Jordan."
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"I've got somebody who's going to watch me die!"
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"Tracy, let's not get emotional."
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"Aw, come on, Jack."
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"Nice dress. Are you going to dinner? Don't forget your book."
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"Oh."
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"Kenneth!"
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"Hey, Liz. I was just telling him about my new apartment in Williamsburg."
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"Under the bridge."
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"The U.N.? They still have that?"
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"I could have sworn they turned that building into a Barnes and Noble."
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"Like you guys in corporate America are doing any better?"
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"Have you learned how to say "Do you want fries with that" in Chinese?"
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"Jack Donaghy."
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"Stuart LaGrange. U.N. High Commission on Water Temperature and Food Taint."
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"Lemon did that?"
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"Cat sound."
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"Well, nice to meet you, Jack."
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"There he is! I owe you, Jackie"D"."
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"Please don't."
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"No, no. Not again."
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"This is real, people! This is not a drill!"
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"Oh, God!"
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"Tracy! My back!"
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"I just want you all to know as I prepare to venture into "movie-dom","
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"that an actor is only as good as the words..."
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"Oh, my thing is on! Everyone, shut up! Shut your mouths!"
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"Breaking news now about a new Janis Joplin biopic."
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"- What? - ...Billy in a film directed by Martin Scorsese"
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"and written by the best screenwriter in the world."
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"The announcement is a huge blow to a competing project"
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"from Jenna Maroney and Steven Spielberger."
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"Oh!"
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"They haven't shown that good news you were telling us about."
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"Because that all seemed like really bad news."
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"It's 7:00. Why don't I hear my mother yelling"
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""go home" to the Asian contestant on Jeopardy?"
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"Really?"
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"How did you do that?"
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"But I find that authoritative, rapid Spanish subdues white people."
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"Oh, I forgot."
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"Oh, good God."
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"Oh. Gold shoes."
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"My nephew just joined the Marines to try to pay for college, but..."
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"I tried to get him and his wife to sign a pre-nup."
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"But all it led to were pledges of ever lasting love and devotion. It was..."
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"What's ridiculous about love?"
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