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Clips from Seinfeld - The Keys (S03E03)

"You know, when people say, He's bad, it really means, He's good."
Seinfeld
"- He begged me! - He begged you?!"
Seinfeld
"Officer, can I explain something to you?"
Seinfeld
"He was double-parked! He was sitting there!"
Seinfeld
"- But he didn't take it. - Hey! It's his space!"
Seinfeld
"- You'll have to go to work! - I don't have a job!"
Seinfeld
"Neither do I!"
Seinfeld
"Eight."
Seinfeld
"It's like musical chairs, except everybody sat down around 1964."
Seinfeld
"That's what they should work on. Wouldn't that be great?"
Seinfeld
"Isn't that discrimination against the size of your car?"
Seinfeld
"There are people with real asses hanging out of their pants."
Seinfeld
"Nobody's stopping them."
Seinfeld
"Nobody goes, Hey, hold it, sir. Those are compact jeans."
Seinfeld
"Hey."
Seinfeld
"What are you talking about?"
Seinfeld
"I just walked by there, and that car is gone."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I know."
Seinfeld
"Well, where is it?"
Seinfeld
"Well, there's no difference. You know, I'm just curious."
Seinfeld
"- What happened to the car? - If I don't tell you, it'll kill you, won't it?"
Seinfeld
"- Yeah, yeah. It'll kill me. - You have to know."
Seinfeld
"- You must know. - I must know."
Seinfeld
"Well, I'm not telling you."
Seinfeld
"Come on."
Seinfeld
"Okay, I beg you."
Seinfeld
"All right, but your begging needs a lot of work."
Seinfeld
"George. All right."
Seinfeld
"George and Elaine went to a flea market in Westchester. Okay?"
Seinfeld
"Why'd they go there?"
Seinfeld
"How am I supposed to know?"
Seinfeld
"- What, they don't like me? - I don't like you."
Seinfeld
"Well, if they liked me, why didn't they ask me to go?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
"I really think it looks good."
Seinfeld
"Ten bucks. How can you go wrong?"
Seinfeld
"All bald people look good in hats."
Seinfeld
"You should have lived in the '20s and '30s. Men wore hats all the time then."
Seinfeld
"- Who's stopping you? - No, I can't."
Seinfeld
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Hey, I invited Mike Moffett. You don't mind, do you?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah? What did he say?"
Seinfeld
"- Kramer, just tell me what he said. - Beg me."
Seinfeld
"And I don't want you to say it. I want you to put some beg in it. Go on."
Seinfeld
"Kramer, please tell me what the guy said."
Seinfeld
"No, no. That's no good."
Seinfeld
"No, I really don't think that's a beg."
Seinfeld
"- Kramer! - Look, I can't say anything."
Seinfeld
"The guy told me this stuff in confidence. I'd be betraying a friend."
Seinfeld
"I'm not saying anything. I'm putting it in the vault."
Seinfeld
"- He thinks you're a phoney. - He what?"
Seinfeld
"Big one."
Seinfeld
"Of course I hear that."
Seinfeld
"You had to move the mirror."
Seinfeld
"I wanted to check out my sunglasses."
Seinfeld
"Went to look in the mirror, it was gone. You threw off my equilibrium."
Seinfeld
"- I can't drive? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Want to see a right turn from the left lane?"
Seinfeld
"- What are we gonna tell Jerry? - I don't know."
Seinfeld
"Start looking for spaces."
Seinfeld
"Look, I have my system. First, I look for the dream spot..."
Seinfeld
"...in front of the door, then I slowly expand out in concentric circles."
Seinfeld
"Nobody in my family can pay for parking. It's a sickness."
Seinfeld
"My father never paid for parking. My mother. My brother. Nobody."
Seinfeld
"- I'll pay for it. - You don't understand."
Seinfeld
"A garage."
Seinfeld
"I can't even pull in there."
Seinfeld
"It's like going to a prostitute."
Seinfeld
"Why should I pay when, if I apply myself, maybe I could get it for free?"
Seinfeld
"What? What do you want?"
Seinfeld
"George! There's a space right there!"
Seinfeld
"- Beautiful. - You just passed it, see?"
Seinfeld
"Look at that, the dream space. Right in front of Jerry's building."
Seinfeld
"I wish you could make a living parallel parking."
Seinfeld
"It's all geometry, knowing all the angles..."
Seinfeld
"...when to make that first turn and when to..."
Seinfeld
"...swing it back in. That's the key."
Seinfeld
"There's nothing I can impart to you. That's the sad thing."
Seinfeld
"It's so inborn."
Seinfeld
"Look at this guy."
Seinfeld
"Hey, hey! You're stealing my space!"
Seinfeld
"Wait, you don't know who this guy is!"
Seinfeld
"People kill for a parking space in this city."
Seinfeld
"- He's not getting away with this. - George!"
Seinfeld
"What are you doing?"
Seinfeld
"You can't do that. You can't sneak in from the back like that."
Seinfeld
"I didn't even know you were parking. You were just sitting there."
Seinfeld
"If you didn't think I was parking, why did you put it in headfirst?"
Seinfeld
"That's the way I park!"
Seinfeld
"I was in the middle of a conversation."
Seinfeld
"Hey, buddy, what can I tell you?"
Seinfeld
"The point is, I was here first."
Seinfeld
"I was closer to this space than you were!"
Seinfeld
"But I'm backing in, you can't put it in headfirst!"
Seinfeld
"I can if I have room!"
Seinfeld
"- Jerk. - You're not?"
Seinfeld
"- You believe this guy? - We'll put it in the garage."
Seinfeld
"What are you gonna do, you're gonna leave it here like this?"
Seinfeld
"I gotta tell Jerry we're here. I gotta go to the bathroom."
Seinfeld
"Make sure he reserves the good chair for me."
Seinfeld
"What are we gonna tell him about the clanking noise?"
Seinfeld
"Me? No, no, no. You. You're gonna tell him."
Seinfeld
"- I'm not gonna- No! - You're good at this."
Seinfeld
"You'll think of something. Just break it to him gently."
Seinfeld
"Man!"
Seinfeld
"Oh, my God. I need a drink. Got any Hennigan's here?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Under the counter. What happened?"
Seinfeld
"You wouldn't believe it."
Seinfeld
"And for some reason, I don't know, they just started to taunt us."
Seinfeld
"And so- So then we paid the toll, and then we went through..."
Seinfeld
"...and then they started to follow us!"
Seinfeld
"So George tries to lose them, and- And-"
Seinfeld
"...and the car was on two wheels, and I was just screaming..."
Seinfeld
"...and then- George is such a great driver."
Seinfeld
"- He is? - He is fantastic."
Seinfeld
"- A gun? - I think it was a gun."
Seinfeld
"And then they followed us all the way into the city."
Seinfeld
"That's the important thing."
Seinfeld
"Exactly."
Seinfeld
"He's out in front arguing with some guy about a parking space."
Seinfeld
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