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Clips from How I Met Your Mother (2005) - Romance (S01E01)

"God, Victoria's so amazing. I could talk about her for hours."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Um, there's gonna be this big banquet."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Oh, yes! - Word up!"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Put me down for two."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"But, guys, I'm sorry, I'm gonna say it."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I haven't seen her in three weeks. She won't return my calls."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Even better, triple threat, hotter and bigger boobs."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Barney, I'm not bringing a date even if I wanted to."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"What, you have some puritanical hang-up about prostitution?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You've been lawyered."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Fifty-seven days! Ted, you are in a slump."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"A bunch of naked dudes hanging brain."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"That's racism."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And I do not drink with racists. Good day!"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Look at you, Scherbatsky, blatantly trying to make Ted jealous."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Robin's bringing a date. - That's gonna be really weird."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You two make yourselves comfortable."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Dude, your narrow-minded views on professional fornicators"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Think about it. This is perfect."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Look, I'm just trying to expand your horizons a little bit tonight."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Look at how hot she is. Robin would be so jealous."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"telepathic conversations,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Check out Robin's date, - I know,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"the most low-budget cable news channel ever,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"during which he literally flipped through today's paper reading it aloud to viewers,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Looks interesting,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"OLDER TED; These idiotic filler pieces were a guilty pleasure of ours,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Excellent choice."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Hi, Sandy Rivers."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, how rude of me."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Lily, you okay?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"The kids' naptime."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I don't base all my life decisions on how much money I'm gonna make,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Exactly. Thank you, Mary."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Pretty good on your feet. - Are you flirting with me?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Thanks. I never tire of hearing that."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"where they lower the helmet onto Darth Vader's head?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Damn! You just got even hotter."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"OLDER TED; And so, as the night wore on, I started to realize"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah. I've been meaning to apologize for everything that happened."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And now you're trying to make me jealous by waving Edward R. Moron in my face?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Hey. - Hey."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You know, this is one of the nicer hotels I've ever been in."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, yeah, my friend did the remodel."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Statistic. Men who have had at least one relationship with a prostitute"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Lawyered. Okay, three things."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And Robin Scherbatsky for "Pickles, the Singing Dog,""
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah, this party is dead. Mary, you wanna go upstairs?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(SIGHS)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"and we tell each other everything, So here it goes,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- What? - Barney paid for her."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"In keeping with tonight's award show motif,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- So she's not... - No."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Right."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Well, look, let's just have a few drinks. We'll relax..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(STAMMERING) I'm sort of amazed at how much I like you."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No, I'm a paralegal."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Okay, here's the point."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You thought that Mary was a sure thing, right?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"All you have to do is be that confident with every girl you meet"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Come on, dude. You should be thanking me."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"She slapped me and stormed off."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- I should get back to my room. - Your room?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Her favorite CD in the Otis Redding box set? Disk three."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"My favorite? Any guesses? Anyone?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Come on. Disk three!"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"What do you mean could?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm sorry. It's just..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"God, I'm crazy about this girl. It feels like, maybe..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- I don't wanna say it. - Trust that impulse, Ted."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Hey, something kind of cool just happened."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"My story on Pickles, the singing dog,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"just got nominated for a Local Area Media Award."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- A LAMA? - We prefer Local Area Media Award."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I know these things aren't much fun,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"but it would really mean a lot to me if you guys came."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, well..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And there's an open bar."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Really? It's three months away. - I know."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I have a feeling Victoria's gonna be around for a long time."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm gonna miss Victoria."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Robin is still pissed at me after, you know..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You lied and said you were broken up with Victoria before you actually were,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"so you could try to nail Robin,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"and you wound up losing both girls in one night."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yes, that's what I meant by, "You know...""
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Look, I shouldn't go. - You should definitely go."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Look, it's a chance to show her"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"you're still friends and that you support her."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Or it's a chance to mess with her head by showing up with someone hotter."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- That's only two. - Count again."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"The thing's in two hours."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- So get an escort. - By escort, you mean prostitute?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Why not? - Because gross?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, what, gross?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Dude, it's the world's oldest profession."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- You really think that's true? - Oh, yeah."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave-hookers,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"like, an extra fish for putting out."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Uh-huh. So, then, the oldest profession would be fisherman. Kaboom!"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Okay. To bring to the banquet and hang out with ironically"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- or to actually have sex with? - Yes."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No, it's illegal. And did I mention gross?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"That's adorable. Ted, you're such a hayseed."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"The companionship business is the growth industry of the 21st century."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You do realize that one out of every eight adult women in America is a prostitute."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- You just made that up. - Withdrawn."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Lawyered."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(GROANS)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"The point is... How long has it been?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Fifty-seven days."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Is that your water? May I? - Yeah, go ahead."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Much obliged."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No, it's not a slump. It's an intentional hiatus from girls."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"A slump is when you strike out every time you step up to the plate,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"but I'm off the roster, baby."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm in the locker room sitting in the whirlpool."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And I'll tell you something, it feels pretty good."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah. You know what else is in that locker room?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
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