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Clips from How I Met Your Mother (2005) - Romance (S01E01)

"Ted, you need a lady, and I've got the next best thing. Mary."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"She lives in my building. She's smart. She's hot. She's totally cool."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, she sounds great."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"you know, if we can get a blessing from her pimp."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You wanna judge a fellow human being"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"based solely on one external characteristic?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You're just waiting for me to speak, so you can..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I said good day!"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"So should I wear my hair up or down?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"So should I wear my hair up or down?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Lily. - What?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- You okay? - Oh, yeah. Sorry."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm just exhausted from work."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"The stupid school board took away naptime in all kindergarten classes,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"and now the kids are just going crazy by the end of the day."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And it's much harder to deal with because, well, I don't get my nap."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, wait, you were taking naps when the kids were? Is that safe?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, they're only five. What are they gonna do to me?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Ted's still coming to this thing, right? - Yep."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Do you think, hypothetically, it would be weird if I bring a date?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(STAMMERING) No, it's just this guy at the station."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I never get involved with coworkers, but he asked me and I said yes."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Is it gonna be weird? - No, it's not gonna be weird at all."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- I know. - Okay."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Robin's bringing a date. - Oh. Okay, that's not weird."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"She's bringing a date. I'm glad she's moving on."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Dude, it's gonna be weird. - No, it's fine."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Look, in spite of whatever happened between us, Robin and I are still friends."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I don't think it'll be weird."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Yeah, it won't be weird. - Thank you."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Because you're gonna bring your own date."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Hello, Barney. - Hi, Mary."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Have you met Ted?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Nice to meet you, Ted. - Hi, Mary."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Wow! It's, uh, nice to meet you, too."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"So, we're going to an award show?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Barney? - See you in two shakes, Mar."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"What the hell?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"are harshing my mellow."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- So, I got you a date for the evening. - You got me a hooker."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"A really hot... A hooker!"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"A, it will make Robin insanely jealous."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"B, you get to have sex with her."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And C, maybe by getting to know Mary,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"you'll come to see that courtesans are people, too."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And D, B all night long."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm not taking a prostitute to Robin's banquet."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Dude, the only people who will know are you, me and Marshall."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No one will suspect a thing."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"They'll just see you with this unbelievably smoking hot girl and..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Okay, yeah, that's a little bit suspicious."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"But if you're not interested, fine, I'm out 500 bucks. Whatever."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Five hundred bucks, you?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Ted, you're my cabrón,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You think I'm gonna stick you with some toothless tranny from the Port Authority?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm not trying to make Robin jealous, Barney."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Look, I... Tell Mary thanks, but no thanks. I have a soul."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"OLDER TED; And then your Uncle Marshall and I"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"had one of our famous"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Is that who I think it is? - Yep, It's Sandy Rivers,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"OLDER TED; Sandy Rivers was the face ofMetro News 1,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"He was best known for his morning segment in "Today's Paper,""
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Here we have on the front page a story about a..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I guess a guy in a superhero costume climbing the Empire State Building,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, which Sandy do we want today? Uh..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- French Sandy, porn-star Sandy... - Yosemite Sandy, definitely."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"SAND Y;... I raised these as a child, I tell you it's not easy,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(BOTH LAUGHING)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I love this guy."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I hate this guy."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Hey. Hi. - Hi."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- I'm Lily. - I'm Mary. Nice to meet you."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Mary is a friend of Barney's. Barney invited her."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Just met Mary ourselves. Don't know too much about Mary."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Look, a beer."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- You look nice. - Oh, Ted, this is Sandy."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Hi, Sandy Rivers. Use my full name. People get a kick out of it."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- So, are you two... - Starting a bunch of office rumors?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Looks that way. Looks that way."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Robin, Sandy... Rivers,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"this is Mary, my date."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"ANNOUNCER; Ladies and gentlemen,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"welcome to the 45th annual Local Area Media Awards,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Please say hello to our host for the evening,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"king of the Saturday afternoon kung fu movie, Vampire Lou,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Tonight we celebrate the very best in broadcasting"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"and the triumph of the human spirit,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Man, Vampire Lou just looks great."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I can't believe I'm on a date with a hooker."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah, I can't believe you let her and Lily go to the ladies' room together, man."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Secrets come out in there."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, please, how's it gonna come out?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
""Pass me a towel. P.S. I have sex for money.""
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Who had sex for money? - Nobody."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No, not really."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"We just chitchatted, and I borrowed her lipstick."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah, why is Vampire Lou the host of a Saturday afternoon kung fu movie?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You know? It just makes no sense. God, that pisses me off."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, yeah, I'm just tired. And when I get tired, I get cranky."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Really? I couldn't imagine you cranky."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Wow. Why are you so tired?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Well, I teach kindergarten,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"and the school board took away my naptime..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Lily, quit your job. Work at a private school."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You won't have to deal with the school board,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- and you'll make a ton more money. - Well, guess what, Barney?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"unlike you and sadly my fiancé."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah, because if I did sacrifice all my values just for an easy buck,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- what would that make me? - A prostitute."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- So, Mary, what do you do for a living? - She's a paralegal."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"ROBIN: So, Mary the paralegal."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"What does a paralegal do exactly?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I just assist with day-to-day clerical work in a law firm, downtown."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- That's a real law firm. - I know."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Nice."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Is that allowed? - Yes, it's encouraged."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(STAMMERING) You know, I wouldn't normally say this on a first date,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"but, well, considering, I'm just gonna say it."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You are so hot."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Well, thank you. - You're welcome."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
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