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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Surprise Party (S01E01)

"Whoa-whoa, you-you were talking to Jocelyn?"
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"Yes, about the fundraiser, and the poor thing"
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"And I cannot stand by and watch this woman"
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"drive a perfectly worthy cause into the ground."
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"Okay."
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"I asked you to get her invited to the fundraiser,"
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"The fundraiser was your idea!"
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"You didn't think your mother would get involved"
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"in planning a fundraiser?"
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"My God, she had Hilary shaking last year"
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"at the Clinton foundation dinner."
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"God! Roland. Roland. Stupid Roland."
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"Roland?! How did Roland get involved in this?"
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"I got him involved, it was a bad mistake, okay?"
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"But look, it'll be fine."
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"I will get the cake with your sister."
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"All you've gotta do is keep your mother under control."
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"The North Korean army could not keep my mother under control"
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"when it comes to event planning."
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"What? Huh? Oh!"
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"How long was I sleeping?"
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"I dunno, like forty-five maybe."
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"Oh?"
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"Where are we?"
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"Um, we're almost there."
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"The last sign I saw said "exit Elmdale," so..."
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"We should be getting there soon."
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"The last sign said "exit Elmdale?""
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"Mm-hmm."
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"We've gone too far, we've gotta turn back!"
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"- But you were sleeping! - Well, wake me up!"
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"No! Because you're so grumpy when you wake-"
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"like you're grumpy right now."
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"Well, Moira, in regards to the decorations,"
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"David was kind enough to offer me"
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"an incredibly long list of the things to stay away from."
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"Darling, one does not just stick a red nose on it"
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"and call it an event."
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"There is an order to these things."
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"Okay, here we go."
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"Again, what is the organization that it's for?"
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"- The surgeons... - Uh... the doctors who un-cleft the mouths."
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"Never heard of it."
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"I don't think they're gonna come."
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"Um... free?"
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"We haven't figured out the ticket price yet."
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"I'm not paying for this thing."
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"Oh my God! Do you people know what the word fundraising means?"
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"Why don't you leave that up to us."
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"Your plan book."
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"Well, we have a plan. It's just we haven't..."
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"You know, we're just, we're still working-"
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"Considering what little Jocelyn has to work with."
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"David, personal comments are in bad taste."
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"Okay, I'm trying to make sense of these flowers."
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"What is wrong with the flowers?"
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"They're seasonal and they... Tie in all of the other design elements"
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"that Jocelyn has come up with."
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"If we don't force Jocelyn to step down this moment,"
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"I don't know how we're gonna pull of this nightmare."
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"Why don't you just sit this one out then?"
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"And you are?"
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"So... David?"
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"I see."
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"Clearly you don't need the help of the most prominent philanthropist in the country."
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"No."
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"Fine. I wish you all the best."
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"Okay, last warning. In three... two..."
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"Well, I think she is gonna be really surprised..."
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"don't you?"
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"And I'm telling you, you can't go wrong."
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"We have made it so simple..."
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"Oh, David, I don't know how you don't go mad with those people."
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"Well, those people are..."
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"Putting a lot of energy into raising money for those kids."
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"Jump ship. Save yourself."
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"Okay, I'm gonna ask you to put some pieces together here for me."
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"We are throwing a "fundraiser""
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"that just so happens to be on the same night as your birthday."
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"Must you rub it in?"
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"We're throwing a "fundraiser" on your birthday."
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"Now you're just being cruel."
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"The fundraiser isn't real. It's not a real thing."
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"- Mm-hmm. - That I'm not supposed to know about."
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"Mm-mm."
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"In a barn?"
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"We can't afford the candles. They're $2.49."
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"They don't just come with the cake?"
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"Like matches when you buy cigarettes?"
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"- You smoke? - Um... no."
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"Can't we just ask them to give them to us?"
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"This is not some co-op commune, Alexis."
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"You know, if there's a price tag on it, you gotta pay for it."
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"Well, that would be low bottom behavior, wouldn't it?"
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"Okay, well, how do you think I got these glasses"
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"from the gas station?"
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"You stole sunglasses?!"
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"Wait in the car while I pay for this."
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"Ugh!"
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"- Hi. - Hi. Johnny Rose."
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"I ordered a birthday cake."
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"Yeah, Chocolate Ganache?"
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"That's right."
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"Boy, it smells uh..."
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"So delicious in here."
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"Whoa! Thank you."
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"There we go, my dear."
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"Wait, wait, wait. One last check."
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"Gorgeous. Perfection."
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"Like your father the day I married him."
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"Look at us, the Roses,"
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"attending this town's most illustrious fundraising gala."
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"I think you're overselling it just a bit."
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"Well, I don't see any stragglers, so shall we go in?"
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"I think we're fashionably late enough."
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"There's nothing fashionable about this, but-"
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"after you, my dear."
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"Where are all the patrons?"
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"Well, I don't know. Do we have the wrong night?"
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"Surprise!"
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