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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Surprise Party (S01E01)

"this is the year to be doing something big."
Schitt's Creek
"Oh, why? Because we're here, in this town?"
Schitt's Creek
"We've been planning this for a super long time, so."
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"I don't know. I haven't thought that through yet."
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"- What? No! - Oh, snap, David!"
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"Oh my God."
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"I'm gonna slap you in the face."
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"I really think that you need to be here for this."
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"her all dressed up and out of the house."
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"but it's gotta be something fancy and, uh, elegant."
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"Why would she mention it?"
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"Okay, so then you want me to find somebody who doesn't know."
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"But that doesn't make any sense."
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"I won't tell her is what I'm saying to you."
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"Yes, Johnny, I understand the plan!"
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"- Oh, you are? - Yes. I have a job"
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"- It's a cake. - It's a torte!"
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"So... thank you..."
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"Late for... late for what, Roland?"
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"Um... well, no, I'm not inviting you,"
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"Children that..."
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"well, uh, Roland, you know what?"
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"Well, listen, thank you, Roland, for that."
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"I think that went well!"
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"Oh, sorry!"
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"Well, we should put that up quick."
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"that's totally not gonna work"
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"and it got me thinking..."
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"I hope so, 'cause I'd like to be involved."
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"- With... ? - Your fundraiser."
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"It's unnerving."
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"- Sorry. - No, it's fine. Just say thank you."
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"Oh,!"
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"and I asked Stevie to drive me but she said no"
Schitt's Creek
"not involved in the fundraiser."
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"I haven't seen it yet, but..."
Schitt's Creek
"Well, that was the exit to Elmdale."
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"And who are the trustees?"
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"Oh, how very churlish of them. How much are tickets?"
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"Jocelyn, I need your timeline and your checklist."
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"Listen, Jocelyn is doing the best that she can..."
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"David, I'm sorry, but it's coup d'etat time."
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"No, seriously, I might leave."
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"Oh my God."
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"Not if you just... take them."
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"Yeah, remember this cake? I'd asked you to... Help me get it."
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"Uh... I normally only slow dance with strangers, at bars..."
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"Okay."
Schitt's Creek
"- Let's dance. - Okay."
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"Hey!"
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"I did."
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"You were planning on getting lucky tonight?"
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"Like a... a conference or something tonight, so..."
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"Thanks."
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"Nope. Nope."
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"- Huh? - N... Nope. Nope."
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"No. No. No."
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"Kids, just came in to remind you to keep Saturday open."
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"What's Saturday?"
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"What's Saturday? It's your mother's birthday."
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"No... her birthday is the second weekend in May."
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"That's mother's day, honey."
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"- I don't think so. - I just don't think that"
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"All the more reason to do something."
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"Um... plus, I'm gonna be in Chicago this weekend."
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"- You're what? - Ted's taking me."
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"Well, can I come?"
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"- No. - Okay, here's a newsflash"
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"for both of you. You're not going anywhere"
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"and we're planning a surprise party for your mother."
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"No. That's not... That's not a good idea."
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"That's not a good idea?"
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"Where would you even throw a party like that in this town?"
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"Maybe Roland's house."
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"Listen to the words coming out of your mouth."
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"Then you plan it."
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"Talk to the hand, son, because the ears are no longer working."
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"- Oh my God. - 'Kay, that's not at all how that works, so..."
Schitt's Creek
"Cancel your trip, Alexis,"
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"because the travel agent is out of the office."
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"It's so uncomfortable when he does stuff like that."
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"- No. Absolutely not. - I feel so weird about it."
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"And on Saturday, we have the afternoon off,"
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"so I booked us... a Chicago's best deep dish pizza tour."
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"Well, that's probably gonna have to change,"
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"but what else did you book for us?"
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"Uh, well, we're staying at the Clarendon Executive Suites and apartments downtown."
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"- Oh my God. - Got upgraded."
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"Does that mean room service?!"
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"- Yeah. - Babe!"
Schitt's Creek
"Had an idea for mom's stupid surprise party thing."
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"- Oh, yeah, yeah. - What if we told her that it was a fund-raiser?"
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"- 'Cause she'd have to come then, right? - Totally, totally, yeah."
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"- She loves the fundraisers and... - She loves them."
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"Wait. When's the big party?"
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"Oh, it's this... Saturday."
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"Alexis, did you not tell Ted about your change of plans?"
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"David, I told you that I couldn't come..."
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"- It's this Saturday? - To that."
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"Yeah. But, David, I did tell you that I..."
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"Won't be able to attend, so..."
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"Well, Lex, I mean..."
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"You can't miss your own mother's surprise party."
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"I am with... I'm with Ted on this one."
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"But, babe, you're going to..."
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"A veterinary conference in a Chicago suburb"
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"and I think that's... that's really important for us."
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"Yeah, I know. Here's just the thing about our mom:"
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"She'll be really devastated if Alexis doesn't come,"
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"and I'm sure you're from a really solid home and..."
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"- David... - Understand."
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"Um... but babe, what about the um..."
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"The travelling pizza tour that was so..."
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"yeah, and I'm also gonna need you to ask Mutt for the barn"
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"'cause I'm thinking of heading in that sort of aesthetic direction for the party."
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"Um, and I know that you guys have a close working relationship, so..."
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"No. No."
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"Sweetie, there will be other conferences."
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"David, you and mom literally ruin my life."
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"Roland!"
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