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Clips from The Simpsons - Homer vs. Dignity (S12E12)

"Marge, your posture looks terrible."
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"Ha-ha!"
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"Now I'd like my fee, please."
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"I know you're not a deaf-mute, Mr. Simpson."
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"We've been talking for the last 20 minutes."
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"Oh, of course, Smithers. Anything."
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"I disabled the button, sir. Anyway, I need some time off."
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"Why not write a musical about the common cat or the king of Siam?"
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"Actually, sir, we've been booked into a small theater in New Mexico."
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"Whoa. Whoa. Slow down there, maestro. There's a new Mexico?"
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"Well, with the old ball and chain gone, maybe I can finally have a little fun at the office."
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"Yes. I'll take two pounds of Bristol's toffee."
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"Oh, and don't wrap it too tightly. I'm hungry now."
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"I'm just trying to work up the courage to ask Burns for a raise."
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"Or a highly paid internship."
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"entered the room."
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"Hmm."
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"What is this?"
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"That's the sneeze guard. You have to lean under it to get salad or sneeze on stuff."
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"Mr. Burns, I was wondering if I could get a raise."
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"- Whopping? - I see."
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"and my wife has a game leg."
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"I don't want to hear your whining."
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"I'm a bored and joyless old man. Give me a "larf.""
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"A " larf'? Okay. Let's see what's in the news today."
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"- Well, let's decorate him then. - No!"
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"Not even for... four dollars?"
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"Do it again. I'll make it an even eight."
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"- You're the boss. - Ow! I'm in hell!"
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"Let's keep the laughs coming, eh, Simpson?"
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"What say I make you my executive in charge of recreation?"
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"No. No. Better yet, my prank monkey."
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"- Will you keep giving me money? - I can't have my little monkey running around in rags."
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"What are you doing, man? That's Carl!"
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"Let me help you."
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"ninety-nine, one hundred."
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"Oh, if only the real chicks went down this easy."
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"I'd like to buy a mint condition Spider-Man number one, please."
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"Oh! Saturn's rings!"
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"Let me get that for you."
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"Oh! No! What are you doing?"
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"Good, fair, poor!"
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"Ah, that was uproarious. First-rate job, monkey."
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"There."
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"You're so much more fun than Smithers."
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"Why, he doesn't know the meaning of the word "gay.""
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"# Sometimes I feel like I've been sold #"
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"# But out of the box #"
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"#Just like me ##"
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"- Oh, gross! - Not where I pee!"
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"The line in the ladies' room is far too long. I hope you don't mind- Oh!"
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"Oh, good heavens! Oh!"
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"Here you go, monkey."
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"There. That's six years' worth of inoculations."
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"And while you're at it, throw in one of those polio shots."
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"Ah-Anti-polio."
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"I've been doing some outside projects for Mr. Burns."
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"- Really? Like what? - Ah, you know."
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"e-solutions, the glass ceiling."
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"Hmm. Well, I'm proud of you. Mmm."
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"- Thank your father for the injections. - Thank you, Dad."
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"What do you do with the $68 I send your mother every month?"
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"Wait till they see that their rare Chinese panda..."
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"is nothing but a fat guy in a suit."
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"Why do I have to do the Lindy Hop?"
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"Now, courtesy of an anonymous donor, please welcome our new panda, Sim Sim."
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"Yea!"
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"Yeah. She's doing the Lindy Hop."
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"That's it. Twenty-three skiddoo, 24..."
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"So our trainers are gonna calm her down."
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"Ow!"
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"pandas only feel the slightest tickle from these powerful electric shocks."
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"Ohh. She's saying "I love you.""
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"Yea!"
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"- Sim Sim likes to boogie. - Something's wrong- terribly wrong."
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"Hey, there's our resident bull panda, Ping Ping."
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"and I think she just said yes."
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"Aw."
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"Am I glad to see you guys. You gotta call-"
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"Did you see Daddy dance?"
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"Oh, Dad."
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"Yes. I humiliate myself for fistfuls of cash."
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"Oh, Dad, you have to stop."
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"That other panda gave some unexpected 'zazz to the festivities, eh?"
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"Maybe for you. How come you didn't rescue me?"
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"Too busy trying to keep my sides from splitting."
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"It's happened before."
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"Monty say, monkey do. What could be better?"
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"- Well, you could treat me with a little respect. - Oh, shut up, you tub of guts."
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"See? That's what I'm saying."
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"The grown-ups are talking, honey."
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"- Dad, how can you put a price on your dignity? - She's right."
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"Yes, I may be naked and reeking of panda love..."
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"but I've got to stop this before it goes too far."
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"Take that back... for $903."
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"- Dad. - I mean, screw you!"
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"Well, well. It looks like my monkey has evolved into a man."
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"Wha- Oh, why did he have to say that extra thing?"
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"Aw, thank you, sweetheart."
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"I better throw it in the garbage."
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"Well, there's lots of needy kids out there."
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"I see what you're saying. I need to buy a gun."
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"No, Dad. You could really brighten the holidays for those less fortunate."
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"Hey, what happened to-"
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"- Excuse me, sir. - Yes?"
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"I'd like to buy all these toys for some needy children."
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"Is this enough dirty, dirty money?"
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"Why, it most certainly is!"
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"Mr. Costington, something quite wonderful has happened."
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"Uh, yes!"
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"Why, I don't think I've ever seen such generosity."
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"You're a modern day Kriss Kringle, sir."
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"I'm just trying to dig myself out of a pit of shame."
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"Say no more. I've had a bit of a shoe-sniffing problem myself."
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"I'm still not allowed on the third floor."
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"Mr. Simpson, I just had a crazy thought."
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"and you're about the right build for a little fella they call Kriss Kringle."
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"- Wanna rehearse, Dad? - I don't need to rehearse."
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"- Line. - Christmas."
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"Wha- Let me see that."
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