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Clips from The Simpsons - Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass (S16E16)

"But thanks to this psychoactive medication,"
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"I enjoy brief moments of lucidity."
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"Uh, Mom?"
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"God, that Junior League burns me up."
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"I better bid shrewdly."
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"$100 and 50 cents!"
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"Check it out, Fat-wad!"
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"Easy... gentle..."
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"Victory is mine, so kiss my behind!"
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"In your face!"
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"A-boo, a-bah, a-who's your daddy?"
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"He makes me look cool. And cool I am not."
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"My name is Jeff Albertson,"
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"What should we click on next?"
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"Stupid Internet... whole world laughing at me..."
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"Basta, basta. Take-a my picture with the Internet marmaluke-a!"
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"Five-time rushing leader, two-time MVP"
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"Well, fine."
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"My workman-like touchdowns never make the highlight reel."
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"I'll be on ESPN every night."
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"Honey, I bet you're wondering why Daddy's not at work again."
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"Sorry, Jimmy, your Grandma and I are going to go have old-people sex."
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"But with this new video camera,"
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"we can make our own entertainment."
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"best murder mystery-- the story of Cain and Abel."
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"Pweeease?"
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"How you like me now?"
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"I think I can fit you in."
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"Let's see..."
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"What the... Oh, I get it."
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"and He'd like you both to render a sacrifice."
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"Behold, I have found favor with the Lord."
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"with the mark of evil upon your face."
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"He left out all the good times Cain and Abel had when they were growing up."
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"Oh, my God! It's my hero, Michelle Kwan!"
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"Who wants to help me clear the table?"
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"I'm sorry, but I do not understand English."
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"Ned's next movie seems even bloodier than the last one."
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"Pharaoh didn't put the sound in later."
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"you know, inject your services with a little razzle-dazzle."
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"Look out, Jonah! It's a whale!"
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"I can't take any more!"
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"Ned, there's more to the Bible than blood and gore."
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"A mix of conservation and wind."
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"A talking tree in a commercial."
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"Sorry, Ned. This movie will never be seen again."
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"Welcome to Jock Center!"
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"and did Joe Torre shoot Flipper?"
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"Thanks to professional jerk-ass Homer Simpson,"
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"Master, you are truly a fool."
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"Wow. At last, my pathetic little life has a meaning."
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"You suckers! I would've done it for free!"
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"Suckers. I would've paid you. - Fine, pay us !"
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"Oh, damn it! Will you take a check?"
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"Do many people watch the Super Bowl? - Billions!"
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"I'm like Michael Moore, except I'm skinny, my jeans are washed, and God loves me."
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"I just wish I could find some way to spread my message."
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"Have you tried checking the oil filter?"
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"Sure, I'd be happy to tell you my problem."
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"Yeah. You help me, and I, in turn, am helped by you."
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"This brand-new $300 million stadium was completed just one short week ago,"
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"and it's scheduled for demolition early next month."
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"Oh, I paid a thousand dollars for this seat, and I can't even see the game!"
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"We head into halftime with the thrilling score of 55 to 6."
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"I hustled a lot of pool."
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"Time for Homer's halftime show."
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"We now take you back through the ages to a time before TV,"
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"but then a shadow of wickedness fell across the land,"
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"as represented by this cloud of white pesticide."
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"I left the People's Republic for this?"
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"Not in here, I don't."
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"'Never again shall there be a flood to destroy the Earth."
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"viewers were outraged by the Super Bowl halftime show's"
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"blatant display of religion and decency."
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"Mommy, why wasn't I baptized?"
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"I thought America was hungry for meaning."
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"I should've just sent a crocodile into space"
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"and to celebrate,"
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"Really? Didn't you just sign a $90 million contract?"
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"Today, we're working on poor sportsmanship."
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"But I like to stand for good sportsmanship."
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"Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org"
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"Transcript by Raceman"
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"I used to love Springfield Park,"
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"but it's gotten so run down."
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"Oh, the prid is gone."
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"This whole place is disgusting."
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"I agree."
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"Aren't you that crazy Cat Lady?"
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"Those are just Reese's Pieces."
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"I know how to save this park."
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"I'm gonna organize a charity carnival."
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"Step right up,"
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"Oh, I've only got a hundred dollars."
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"Sold! - Damn it!"
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"I never win anything."
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"Ooh, here's something I'm good at."
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"Yes!"
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"I'm better than you, and I'm only ten."
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"Fat-wad! I love it!"
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"I'm number one! I beat my son!"
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"My son flips frogs like a girl! Yeah!"
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"May I upload your footage onto my Web site?"
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"Well, sir, I don't believe we've ever met."
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"but everyone calls me Comic Book Guy."
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"Here's your tape... friend."
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"Beauty pageant diarrhea."
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"Here's a new one : Big-ass Baryshnikov."
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"Now to send this spaz around the world."
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"Look at the American computer monkey!"
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"Dance-a, monkey, dance!"
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"The Internet wasn't created for mockery."
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"It was supposed to help researchers"
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"at different universities share data sets."
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"It was."
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"Hello, I'm Deion Overstreet."
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"The running back for the San Antonio Cow Skulls?!"
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"You wanna see me humiliate myself with my stupid dance."
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"Wrong!"
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"I wanna buy the rights to that dance for $1,000."
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