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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary (S03E03)

"How does it differ from the money I have?"
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"Half of it will be mine."
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"Do you need it to buy a less disturbing sweater vest?"
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"- Leonard, help. - Are you kidding?"
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"I couldn't even talk him into giving me one of his freaking napkins."
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"Wow, you really are a genius."
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"Not really. I Googled how to do that."
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"So listen..."
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"Have you ever made a pact with someone?"
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"You mean like a pinky swear?"
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"Okay, fine. Like a pinky swear."
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"In the first grade, my friend Rosie and I made a pact to marry Bert and Ernie."
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"- You know, from Sesame Street. - I'm familiar with Bert and Ernie."
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"Then we found out we both wanted Ernie."
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"We didn't speak again till middle school."
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"Over puppets?"
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"Okay."
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"Speaking of what the heart wants, um..."
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"...a long time ago I made a pact with Wolowitz that kind of involves you."
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"Okay, I don't know where you're going with this..."
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"...but tread carefully because it may be the last conversation we ever have."
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"No, no, nothing like that."
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"No, the deal was that if either of us ever got a girlfriend..."
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"...we'd have her fix the other one up with one of her friends."
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"You thought a good time to bring this up would be right after sex?"
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"And during I was trying to remember what I read on Google, so..."
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"I'm not hooking Wolowitz up with my friends."
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"Come on, it doesn't have to be a good friend."
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"The problem isn't what's on the inside. It's the creepy candy coating."
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"Will you at least think about it?"
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"Just as a favor to me?"
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"The great thing about Ernie was he never asked me for anything."
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"He just gave."
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"Got it. Got it. Got it."
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"Betty and Veronica. Oh."
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"Hey, Sheldon, the new Green Lantern figurine's coming in tomorrow."
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"- Want me to set one aside for you? - Thank you."
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"You just robbed me of the opportunity to stumble upon the figurine..."
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"...and make the oh-so-satisfying journey from discovery to desire to possession."
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"- All right, I won't. - But I must have it."
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"- Okay, I'll set one aside for you. - Thank you."
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"I can buy all these things online. I come here for the personal service."
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"Stuart, is the Wil Wheaton signed up for the Mystic Warlords Tournament..."
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"...the Wil Wheaton from Star Trek?"
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"Excuse me, are you saying that Wil Wheaton..."
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"...a.k.a. Ensign Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation..."
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"...is participating in your tournament?"
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"I'm sorry, did I rob you of the opportunity to stumble onto that for yourself?"
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"No, wait, you don't understand. Growing up, I idolized Wil Wheaton."
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"You know, Wesley Crusher had an eidetic memory just like me."
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"Oh, what a coincidence. You can discuss that with him..."
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"Yeah, I was such a fan that in 1995 I traveled 10 hours by bus..."
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"...to a sci-fi convention in Jackson, Mississippi..."
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"...wearing my Starfleet Academy cadet uniform..."
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"...in order to meet Wil Wheaton and get him to autograph..."
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"...my mint-in-package Wesley Crusher action figure."
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"Oh, it'll be like a reunion then. Sign here."
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"Yeah, my arduous journey, however, was for naught."
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"It was at that moment I vowed eternal hatred for Wil Wheaton."
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"Okay, great, you can tell him you hate him. Sign here."
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"It might interest you to know that Wil Wheaton currently ranks sixth..."
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"...on my all-time enemies list, right between director Joel Schumacher..."
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"...who nearly destroyed the Batman movie franchise..."
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"...and Billy Sparks, who lived down the street from me..."
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"...and put dog poop on the handles of my bicycle."
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""He tasks me. He tasks me and I shall have him.""
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"All right, Raj. Looks like you're teamed up with..."
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"..."Die, Wil Wheaton, die.""
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"So tell me more about the future mother of my children."
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"She's adorable, Howard. I think you'll like her."
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"Great."
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"What did you tell her about me? Did you mention body fat?"
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"No, I thought that'd be a nice surprise for her."
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"Good, good."
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"I told her you're an aerospace engineer, you speak five languages..."
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"Girls don't count Klingon, Howard."
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"- Right? - Right."
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"And I told her you have an unhealthy attachment to your mother."
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"Another delightful surprise for her."
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"Sheldon, it's your play."
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"Sheldon."
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"My Enchanted Troll bludgeons your Screaming Harpy..."
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"...with a Cursed Mace. Game."
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"Or I could just tell her later tonight. Ha-ha-ha."
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"We pawned them, dude. Up top."
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"Look at him."
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"I have chased you around the moons of Nibia..."
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"...and around the Antares Maelstrom, and around Perdition's flames."
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"You keep quoting Wrath of Khan, but he was in Next Generation."
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"- It's a totally different set of characters. - Silence."
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"How much longer must I wait for my revenge?"
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"If Wil Wheaton and Stuart win their match..."
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"...we'll face off for championship."
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"Very well, they must be destroyed."
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"Dude, you have to stop talking like that. It's really lame."
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"Silence."
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"So Penny tells me you're working as a waitress..."
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"- What are you studying? - Microbiology."
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"Oh, cool. So you could study me."
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"I don't understand."
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"Microbiology is the study of tiny living things."
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"I know, I'm studying it."
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"Yeah, and I said you could study me because I'm a tiny living thing."
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"- It's a joke. - Are you sure?"
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"- Do you like science fiction? - No."
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"- Role-playing games? - Like in the bedroom..."
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"- Either. - No."
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"- You like...? - It's gonna be a long night."
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"You like magic?"
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"- Not really. - Okay."
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"Long, long night."
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"...which means Larry will have to play Chaos Overlord."
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"Then Captain Sweatpants, Molten River."
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"I play Nightshade Dryad. Game, set and match."
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"Now fetch me Wil Wheaton."
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"Did that guy just say, "Revenge is a dish best served cold," in Klingon?"
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"I believe so."
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"What is wrong with him?"
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"Everyone has a different theory."
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"How about computers? You like computers?"
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