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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary (S03E03)

"All right, Raj has played his Phantom Warlord card..."
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"Okay. Well, then I'll just cut your vines with my Ruby Sword."
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"Which one?"
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"It doesn't matter, you can't possibly win."
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"You had turkey and complained it was dry."
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"Because last time I didn't go, I ended up playing Mystic Warlords of Ka."
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"...that if either of us ever got a hot girlfriend..."
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"Yeah, Raj, that's how it works."
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"I'm sorry, no."
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"...but I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you today."
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"...they're having a Mystic Warlords of Ka-ah tournament. First prize is $500."
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"The heart wants what the heart wants, Leonard."
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"And you know that deep down inside, Howard's a really nice guy."
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"...while playing in the tournament. Sign here."
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"Okay, I get it. He's a bad guy. Sign here."
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"In the words of Khan Noonien Singh in the immortal Wrath of Khan:"
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"- No doubt. Sign here. - "From hell's heart, I stab at thee.""
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"Six, if you count Klingon."
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"- What? - I'm kidding."
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"Sorry, boys. Say hi to your mother when she picks you up."
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"Wil Wheaton, my old friend."
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"...and we beat Lonely Larry and Captain Sweatpants in the next round..."
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"So my path to satisfaction is blocked by Lonely Larry and Captain Sweatpants."
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"...to put yourself through grad school. That's great."
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"...or like Dungeons and Dragons?"
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"- Yeah, well, it's your fault. - I had to ask, you didn't have to say yes."
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"I play my Endless Serpent, Raj will play Ecstatic Frenzy..."
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"Approaching the speed of light doesn't slow down time, approaching them does."
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"Excuse me."
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"Oh, damn. It's my mother."
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"Yeah, not as crazy as my mother makes me."
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"- Water nymph. - Fire demon."
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"Your only move is to play the potion, lose the skirmish..."
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"Oh, dude, my grandmother had just died, and I had to go to her funeral."
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"- Oh, yes. - Yeah, okay."
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"Come on, Stewie, let's get our prize money."
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"Wheaton!"
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"...and I am going to back him up with my Strangling Vines."
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"That's right, I did it. I cut them."
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"Um..."
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"I have a question."
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"Warlord beats troll, troll beats elf, elf beats water sprite..."
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"...and basically everything beats Enchanted Bunny."
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"Unless you have the Carrot of Power."
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"Okay, I've got another question."
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"When does this get fun?"
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"Are we gonna talk or are we gonna play Mystic Warlords of Ka-ah?"
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"Just play a potion card."
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"- Don't ruin the game. - How could he ruin the game?"
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"Given the cards already played, Penny can only be holding Necromancer Potions..."
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"...which are only effective against wraiths and daywalkers..."
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"...and there are no more left. The cards remaining in the stack are:"
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"Four fire weapons, a troll, two ogres and the Jewel of Osiris."
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"See? Ruined."
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"Sheldon, that is incredible."
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"From your vantage point, it certainly must seem so."
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"Sheldon has kind of a photographic memory."
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""Photographic" is a misnomer."
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"I have an eidetic memory, as I've told you many times."
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"Most recently last year during lunch on the afternoon of May 7th."
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"Well, I guess game's over."
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"Really? Oh, great."
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"I mean, aww..."
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"- Okay, I gotta go. - Why?"
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"Not "Ka." Ka-ah."
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"- Bye. - See you."
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"Still can't believe she's going out with me."
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"Nobody can."
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"That reminds me, I have a bone to pick with you."
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"- What? - You and I made a pact..."
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"...that person would have his girlfriend..."
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"...hook the other guy up with one of her girlfriends."
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"- Yeah, I don't remember that. - Wha...?"
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"June 30th, 2004."
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"Opening day of Spider-Man 2 at the AMC Pasadena."
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"They only had red ICEES, no blue."
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"Oh, yeah."
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"Yeah, you've been with Penny for like a month and a half."
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"Where's my shorty, Morty?"
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"Howard, you can't hold me to that."
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"- Why not? - When I made that agreement..."
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"...I didn't think I'd ever have a girlfriend, and I was positive you never would."
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"- How come I wasn't part of this deal? - You had left the refreshment stand..."
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"...in order to indulge in your customary preemptive pre-show urination."
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"So that's how it works? I have a teeny bladder and I don't get a hot girlfriend?"
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"Damn."
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"Oh, damn it. Can I have a napkin?"
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"But you have a whole bunch of them."
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"Yes, I've moved to a four-napkin system."
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"Lap, hands, face and personal emergency."
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"If you like, starting tomorrow I'll add a guest napkin..."
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"Good luck. That's the face napkin."
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"- So have you talked to Penny yet? - No, I haven't."
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"- Why not? - Because I've been busy."
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"Because I haven't figured out a way to bring it up."
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"And mostly, and I can't stress how key this is..."
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"...because I don't want to."
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"A pact is a pact. You have to get Penny to fix me up."
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"It's not that simple. What am I supposed to say?"
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""Penny, you have any friends you'd like to never hear from again?""
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"Come on. I'm smart, I have a good job. And I have only 3 percent body fat."
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"It's true. I've seen him at the beach. He's like a human chicken wing."
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"Leonard, come on."
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"- Fine, I'll ask if she has a friend for you. - A hot friend."
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"- Right. - And tall."
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"I want our kids to be able to ride Space Mountain before they're 20."
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"I'll see what I can do."
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"Hey, guess what I heard today."
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"I'd imagine you heard any number of things today."
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"When you arrived at work, you undoubtedly heard:"
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""Hello. How are you, Raj?""
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"You're wearing a new sweater vest, you may have heard:"
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""New sweater vest?" And possibly, though less likely, "Nice sweater vest.""
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"Why don't I just tell you what I heard today?"
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"That would probably save us some time."
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"Saturday night at the comic-book store..."
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"- If we team up, we'd be unstoppable. - I'm sorry, Raj."
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"I have no interest in playing a game in which I find no challenge."
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"- But what about the money? - I have money."
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"But this is other money."
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