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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - Witches (S02E02)

"-Later, suckers. -And so when I saw that,"
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"I knew it was the right door."
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"-Puta madre. -How many door rooms do they have?"
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"It's the same one, Professor Pig Dick!"
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"I've done a lot of escape rooms,"
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"but I'm usually the one in the group that is asking about"
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"where we're gonna go for dinner afterwards"
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"and how we'll split up the bill."
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"Don't open that, Nadja."
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"(screaming)"
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"I hate this place!"
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"Laszlo, my love, I am coming for you. Be strong."
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"-I'm coming! -Not now! Um..."
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"I mean, um, uh, in your own time, my darling."
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"-No immediate hurry. -LILITH: 'Tis time"
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"-to begin the extraction. -The what, now?"
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"-Removal of your semen. -Oh, yes."
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"Well, I'm quite keen on that idea, let that be known."
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"LILITH: Now, the process"
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"will be quick..."
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"Well, that's slightly insulting but probably true."
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"Though I can go again."
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"...though, I'm afraid, not entirely painless."
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"-Ah. -LILITH: Tess? Quinn?"
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"Ooh, look out. Marital aids?"
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"LILITH: No. 18th century surgical tools."
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"-Ew. -LASZLO: Shit."
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"Fast as you can, my dear! Like, now!"
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"They are fully engorged."
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"-LASZLO: True. -(gasps)"
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"Let us revert to our true form."
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"NANDOR: MILFs."
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"-Even better. -It's a contrast"
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"but something I wouldn't say no to."
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"I'll prepare the cauldron. Bring me the fluid when the bowls"
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"-are filled to the brim. -What are you doing with those?"
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"-No, no, no, no, no, no, no. -Hi."
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"I-I don't think that bowl's going to be big enough."
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"-Nadja! -Don't think it's going to fit in there."
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"You really need to get here!"
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"COLIN: Ah. Looks like Epicurus,"
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"the Greek philosopher and father of hedonism."
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"Pleasure is the absence of suffering."
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"The Greek word for pleasure is..."
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"Found it."
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"Ready?"
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"Well, h-h-how'd you find that?"
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""Salida.""
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"-"Exit." -It's in Spanish. I know."
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"-I know that, too. -I... I've discovered it."
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"-I would've thought of it. -Guillermo."
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"COLIN: I told you I'd get us out of here."
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"-NANDOR: It's for wine, isn't it? -No, no, no, no, no."
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"-NANDOR: We just met. -Where are you going with that?"
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"Put those tiny swords down this instant,"
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"or you'll be removing them from your crusty old tits"
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"and dry, old asses."
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"Ooh, my darling, am I pleased to see you."
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"How did you escape from our secret room?"
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"That would be me, ma'am. Thank you."
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"I put together all your clues."
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"-Figured it out. -Actually, it was me."
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"I'm the one who saw... It's in Spanish."
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"Well, yo soy a bit of a puzzle head."
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"You're a man of great intelligence."
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"Yes, Mensa has been trying to get me to join."
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"You've proven that you are also worthy of semen extraction."
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"Oh, thank you. I'd like to tell you you'd be the first"
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"to ever say that to me, but you're not."
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"-(laughs) -Not with those, though."
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"Yeah, that's your guy right there."
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"No hablo inglés."
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"Real nice job, Colin Robinson."
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"Well, I know we're all having the laugh of our lives,"
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"but sadly all parties must come to an end."
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"Guillermo, untie them."
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"Can't you see you're outnumbered?"
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"What are you gonna do-- moisturize us to death?"
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"-No. -(laughs) -LILITH: Enough."
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"(gasping)"
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"Oh, Lilith, I should have known this was you."
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"Your stinky old stank was all over it."
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"Lilith is a witch I befriended many, many years ago."
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"She used to run a shop that sold"
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"all the newest mixtures of makeups"
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"and ladies' clothings and shirtings"
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"and suitings and shoesings."
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"It was all a front, of course."
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"It was a way to distribute the very best of semens"
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"to any witch who needed it."
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"Naturally, we hit it off straightaway."
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"Very fast friends. (chuckles softly)"
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"That was, until she did something so evil,"
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"so despicable, so unforgivable that we are now"
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"sworn enemies for the rest of time."
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"(spitting)"
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"Five spits for an enemy, Lilith."
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"-You look so different to how I remember you. -Oh, yes."
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"I appear to you now as my natural, aged self."
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"With every passing moment,"
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"our anti-aging spells lose their potency."
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"Well, over my undead body will your crispy hands"
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"get anywhere near my husband's sperms again."
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"-"Again"? -Hmm? -Yeah."
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"Thing is,"
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"I had a bit of a knee trembler with Lilith some time ago,"
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"and Nadja found out and put me on her shit list."
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"Okay..."
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"She tricked me with her witchcraft."
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"Oh, she tricked you, did she? Come on, Laszlo!"
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"-(blows) -(gasps)"
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"-LILITH: He does not lie. -(hisses)"
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"I didn't come to him in the form you see me now."
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"I took a form that I knew"
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"he could never resist."
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"-You. -(gasps)"
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"In bed, she made herself look just like you."
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"It's true. Watch me now. Watch me."
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"Watch as I transform"
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"to look exactly"
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