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Clips from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Charlie Has Cancer (S01E01)

"- Have sex with him, right. - Okay, great."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- You have any friends desperate enough? - Are you out of your mind?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- I'm not helping you with this. - Oh, come on."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Speaking of which, anybody want to get up off their ass and help me with the boxes?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Yeah. Well, I can't do it all by myself. - Oh, I'm sorry."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"So Charlie's wasting away, and we're gonna talk about Sweet Dee's feelings all morning."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Great. - Okay, you know what? I love Charlie very much."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"But this is a stupid idea you guys have. So you know what?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Oh! Whatever! - I am not helping you with it."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Whatever. You know what, Dennis? We don't need her. - You're right. We don't need her."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Yes, we will. - There are never any girls in this bar."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"[Dennis] Goddamn it!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- I told you. - I don't get it, Dee."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"There are tons of women in this city. Where do they go?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Uh, they're at the velvet-rope clubs on Delaware Avenue. - Why?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Might as well call it Rape Bar. - No, no, no."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"The problem is that every time a beautiful girl comes into a place like this..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"No. I work out, like, every day."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Yeah, it shows. - You look like you work out too."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"But it's pretty much all natural."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Dennis, maybe you need to rethink this whole plan of yours."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Whatever. - Dennis, I found the perfect girl for Charlie."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Smart, beautiful, the whole thing. - Where?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Good work, Mac. - That's a dude."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"No. The one with the exposed midriff and the cans."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Yeah. That's Eric Wyzotski's cousin. Carmen, right?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Yeah. - Yeah, Carmen."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Yeah. - Nice."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Yeah. Look at his jeans, dude."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"There's an unmistakable bulge of a large penis in those jeans."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- There's a dick in those pants. - There's a dick in those pants."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Excuse me, bro. Can you give me a second?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You lied to me. You don't work out?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Please. I've seen you at the gym. You're ripped."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"No. Don't turn this around. Wait."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Really? You think so?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Yeah. - I was afraid I was getting a little too ripped, you know?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Wow!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Hmm."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Okay. - Yeah."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"[Honking]"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"[Coughing]"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"What do you want, Charlie?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"That's one of those, uh, Lance Armstrong "Race for the Cure"..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Dennis, I don't have time to talk to you about this."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"But we found the perfect girl for Charlie."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- That's awesome. - Okay, you know the waitress over at the coffee shop..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- the one that he's been in love with forever? - Yes."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Well, okay. He saw her wearing one of those Lance Armstrong "Race for the Cure"..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
""I Love People that are Dying of Cancer" type bracelets."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- That's really cool. - Well, so that bracelet probably means..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"that she's compassionate towards sick and dying people."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You know what I mean? That's what that symbolizes."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You know what that symbolizes? Those bracelets symbolize jumping on fashion trends."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"They come in all kinds of colors now, so you can accessorize your compassion with your outfits."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Well, be that as it may, we still need you to talk to her..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"First of all, I don't have time since, apparently..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I'm the only one who does anything around here anymore."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- And second of all, it's gross! - I'm sure that there's something Mac and I can do for you..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"that will convince you to help us."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- [TV: Indistinct] - Sweet Dee is in."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"[Charlie] Sweet Dee's in what?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"She is in... way over her head."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- In what? - Debt."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Huh. I know that game."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I'm gonna get a beer. You want one? Great."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Nice cover, dick. - Thanks."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- So Sweet Dee's in? - Yeah. Uh, under one condition."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- What? - She gets to punch you in the face."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- What? - [Clicks Tongue] Right in the face."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"How about that game against Dallas..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"She grabbed me from behind. It was instinctual."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Uh, well-We, uh, you know- [Chuckles]"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"We kind of need her. We kind of need Sweet Dee."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Charlie has cancer."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I'm just a small-town girl..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"the only way to make it in the big city..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"at the Coyote Ugly."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- [Exhales] - Wow."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Wow! That really means a lot."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"But you won't be seeing me in class anymore."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I'm sorry. Are you doing another scene? I- I-"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I'm thinkin' about goin' on welfare!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I was- What are you listening to?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Oh, nothing. Only I just solved all of our problems."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Really? - Mm-hmm. Except for Charlie and the whole cancer thing."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"But I did figure out how to get help at the bar."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I was thinking we could do that whole Coyote Ugly theme."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You know, where the girls dance on top of the bars..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- take their bras off and stuff. - I'm listening."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"She'd work for tips only. And she would even come in..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"and interview with you, so you could see if you liked her."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Would she wear the, uh, hot pants, tank top, wanna-hump-hump pumps?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Okay. Only under one condition."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I don't wanna help you get that waitress to sleep with Charlie."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Oh, come on, Sis. We need you."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Okay, you know what? You gotta choose. Charlie's waitress or a hot new bartender?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"## [Continues]"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Sweet Dee's out. - [Mac] What?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Yeah. She's too busy training this new bartender. - [TV: Indistinct]"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Apparently, she's got this hot new friend who sh-she-"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Hey. - Hey."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Dennis. - [Announcer On TV] That's a three-pointer."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"What are you guys, uh- What are you doin'?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Oh."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I mean, you- you-you could-"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- It was nice to see you. - It was good to see you."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- So I'll see you tonight? - Oh. Mm-hmm."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- I'll pick you up at 8:00? - Cool."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"[Chuckles] Okay."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- She's gettin' it removed. - So what?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I'm just puttin' in my time, you know?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- So that afterwards I'll be- - Gross, dude."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"first."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- [Mac] This is just pathetic. - Yeah."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"The plan is that you're gonna distract Charlie, okay?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I'm gonna march up to that waitress, tell her that he has cancer. All right?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"She's gonna feel sorry for him, and then she's gonna sleep with him."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"That's not gonna work. You can't just do that."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Hey, Dennis. - Charlie has cancer."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
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