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Clips from Family Guy - Roasted Guy (S13E13)

"we have a real serious problem with people getting raped"
Family Guy
"in our holding cell down at the station."
Family Guy
"Hi, I'm Professor Comedy."
Family Guy
"No!"
Family Guy
"You could be a black guy if your ding-a-ling wasn't so damn tiny."
Family Guy
"How does everyone know?!"
Family Guy
"Peter moves his lips while he's reading, 'cause he's trying to eat the book."
Family Guy
"Roasted!"
Family Guy
"You know, as Lois's father, I hate the thought of her having sex with Peter."
Family Guy
"And so do I!"
Family Guy
"Damn it, Lois, you stepped on my punch line!"
Family Guy
"Shut up! You're drunk! Stop serving her!"
Family Guy
"I asked Peter what he got on his S.A.T.s."
Family Guy
"it's time to give our man of the hour a chance to have his say."
Family Guy
"Please put your hands together for Peter Griffin!"
Family Guy
"Screw all you guys! I hope you all eat turds and die!"
Family Guy
"None of you bastards are my friends no more!"
Family Guy
"Brian was the worst one."
Family Guy
"Peter, we're eating. Just tell us what color it was and be done with it."
Family Guy
"On account of my buddies all being nasty sons of bitches,"
Family Guy
"I've decided I'm gonna find new friends."
Family Guy
"Oh, come on, you're overreacting. The roast was your idea."
Family Guy
"You asked them to make fun of you."
Family Guy
"Yeah, but I thought they'd stick to material"
Family Guy
"or-or how I have tiny little baby sneezes."
Family Guy
"Yeah, it was supposed to be fun, but it was humiliating."
Family Guy
"I felt like a premature volcano."
Family Guy
"Please, don't tell the other islands."
Family Guy
"Maybe I got to find friends who can't make fun of my appearance"
Family Guy
"'cause they're weird-looking themselves."
Family Guy
"Like those two bearded dwarves walking across the street there."
Family Guy
"Hey, will you bearded dwarves be friends with me?"
Family Guy
"Good day."
Family Guy
"Thanks for hanging out with me."
Family Guy
"Well, "pal" is right there in the name, Peter."
Family Guy
"Hey, it's cool you got the keys to the school,"
Family Guy
"and we can hang out when no one else is here."
Family Guy
"What should we do? Oh, I got a few ideas."
Family Guy
"Wow, I've never drank so much milk in my life."
Family Guy
"What other ideas you got?"
Family Guy
"Uh, how much milk do you drink?"
Family Guy
"I just drink milk until somebody stops me."
Family Guy
"I don't know."
Family Guy
"Maybe I'm just not meant to find a new group of friends."
Family Guy
"Well, Peter, you're always welcome to hang out with me."
Family Guy
"Yeah, but I'm talking about the kind of friend"
Family Guy
"that doesn't bark at horses when I'm watching a movie."
Family Guy
"Fine, fine, you want to get trampled in your living room? Be my guest."
Family Guy
"All right, I'm gonna go get some more coffee"
Family Guy
"and maybe a gross microwaved sandwich."
Family Guy
"Excuse me. Can I please have another no-foam latte?"
Family Guy
"Uh, yeah, sure. But, you know, I don't work here."
Family Guy
"Oh, I'm sorry. You look just like one of the baristas."
Family Guy
"He doesn't look that much like me."
Family Guy
"Oh. Oh, yeah. I could see that."
Family Guy
"Hey, we should make out."
Family Guy
"You got it, mister."
Family Guy
"Double-foam, am I right?"
Family Guy
"You're funny."
Family Guy
"Yeah. Oh, my God, you're so twisted."
Family Guy
"I'm Jamie, and this is Becca and Karen."
Family Guy
"You want to join us?"
Family Guy
"We were just debating if Jamie should hook up"
Family Guy
"with this guy she met a few nights ago."
Family Guy
"Okay, I want the deets, like, yesterday."
Family Guy
"Wh-What the hell? Did I just say that?"
Family Guy
"Wh-What is "this"?"
Family Guy
"It's what we do!"
Family Guy
"Wow, you know, I know I just met you guys,"
Family Guy
"but I've kind of been looking for a new group of friends."
Family Guy
"D-Do you maybe have room for one more?"
Family Guy
"Are you good at talking about how busy you are?"
Family Guy
"Ugh, yeah, but don't talk to me about anything"
Family Guy
"until I've had my morning coffee, 'cause it's like I can't even deal."
Family Guy
"Well, I think I speak for all of us when I say"
Family Guy
"we'd love to have you in our group of girlfriends."
Family Guy
"Hey, can I be the one who laugh-screams really loud at restaurants?"
Family Guy
"Oh, we're gonna ruin so many people's evenings!"
Family Guy
"Oh, boy, I'm blending right in with you gals."
Family Guy
"Like a panda bear on a bed full of pillows."
Family Guy
"I'm hiding from the zoo. They want me to have a baby."
Family Guy
"I don't want to have a baby!"
Family Guy
"Hey, isn't it funny that you guys came over for a dinner party,"
Family Guy
"and all we're doing is standing in the kitchen, drinking wine?"
Family Guy
"All our toothbrushes were in that one woman's glass this morning."
Family Guy
"Girls, it is so nice to be part of a group again."
Family Guy
"And I'm having the best time."
Family Guy
"Especially yesterday when we all got mammograms."
Family Guy
"If I have cancer, we're all going to Brazil."
Family Guy
"So what's for dinner?"
Family Guy
"Yeah, and then I realized I'm not good at making fettuccine Alfredo,"
Family Guy
"but I am good at making reservations."
Family Guy
"Stewie, it's time for your bath."
Family Guy
"Oh, what's going on in here?"
Family Guy
"- Oh, hey, Lois. Hey, these are my new - Jamie, Karen and Becca."
Family Guy
"Karen's the one with the mommy blog,"
Family Guy
"so if you think you know her from somewhere, that's where."
Family Guy
"Oh, nice to meet you all."
Family Guy
"Would you like to join us for dinner?"
Family Guy
"Oh, no, I don't want to get in the way."
Family Guy
"Besides, I got to get this little man in the tub."
Family Guy
"Great. Now they're all picturing my wiener."
Family Guy
"Oh, thank God."
Family Guy
"What? Seriously, Peter, how do you live with her?"
Family Guy
"I know, that voice. Ugh."
Family Guy
"And what is that hair color? Creamy French Dressing?"
Family Guy
"Oh, I love it. I love it."
Family Guy
"Yeah. Yeah."
Family Guy
"Hey, if you think that's funny, she once had a miscarriage outside a Petco."
Family Guy
"I still have the security camera footage somewhere."
Family Guy
"Peter, I'm your conscience, Jiminy Cricket."
Family Guy
"Andrea, y-you set a place for Jiminy again."
Family Guy
"Oh... so I did."
Family Guy
"Why?!"
Family Guy
"Why did he have to go around telling strangers what to do?"
Family Guy
"He hit on me at your wedding."
Family Guy
"Ah, let's see, what else? What else? What else?"
Family Guy
"Lois tried to give CPR to a kid at a wedding once, and when she knelt down,"
Family Guy
"she accidentally high-heeled her own stink hole."
Family Guy
"Peter, your wife is such a pig."
Family Guy
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