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Clips from Family Guy - Roasted Guy (S13E13)

"* Lucky there's a man who positively can do *"
Family Guy
"You mean like a slice of turkey,"
Family Guy
"They just drink and smoke and laugh. I want to do that."
Family Guy
"Hey, Cleveland, how tall are you?"
Family Guy
"* Oh-ee, oh-ee, hey-yo, ha. *"
Family Guy
"Geez, Peter, you're more excited than Adrian Peterson at an arboretum."
Family Guy
"with your roast master Glenn Quagmire."
Family Guy
"Ha! And we're off."
Family Guy
"Peter's got a small penis, but, hey, nothing grows in the shade."
Family Guy
"For those of you who don't know,"
Family Guy
"Peter, you're loud, you can't hold down a job, and you got high blood pressure."
Family Guy
"He said, "Mayonnaise.""
Family Guy
"Well, ladies and gentlemen, now that we've had our fun,"
Family Guy
"Family, I have an announcement to make."
Family Guy
"I'm sure it was all meant in good fun."
Family Guy
"Oh, God!"
Family Guy
"Oh, I'm so sorry."
Family Guy
"I am so sorry... you're just so pretty."
Family Guy
"I've been thinking."
Family Guy
"I never thought of my kids' principal as being a friend."
Family Guy
"Yeah."
Family Guy
"It's just..."
Family Guy
"I think she meant me."
Family Guy
"Sure. Great."
Family Guy
"You sure did. You're a natural at this."
Family Guy
"Do you get it? Oh, God, I'm so bad."
Family Guy
"Ah! Bug!"
Family Guy
"Oh, I-I got one. I got one."
Family Guy
"Mine's from wiping too hard."
Family Guy
"You used some of my magazines for your fake ransom notes. It's okay."
Family Guy
"That's not true. If it was, I would've figured it out."
Family Guy
"She kind of annoys me."
Family Guy
"You know who's really beautiful? Joan Allen."
Family Guy
"That's none of your business! I never wanted a cub!"
Family Guy
"Get out! Get out now and don't ever come back!"
Family Guy
"You and I will get revenge on those bitches lady-style."
Family Guy
"I don't... I've been... I've been watching this"
Family Guy
"Ooh, what does that green button on the far panel do?"
Family Guy
"I thought we were gonna go after Becca."
Family Guy
"* Out on the streets *"
Family Guy
"* We'll put you on your shelf *"
Family Guy
"And if you're willing, I'd like to be friends with you guys again."
Family Guy
"I thought you were out of town."
Family Guy
"* Is violence in movies and sex on TV *"
Family Guy
"* But where are those good old-fashioned values *"
Family Guy
"* He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! *"
Family Guy
"We now return to D.J. Butcher: Deejay Butcher."
Family Guy
"Hey! You requesting a song or ordering some sliced meat?"
Family Guy
"Meat! Half a pound of turkey, please."
Family Guy
"You want a sample?"
Family Guy
"or like a short section of one musical recording"
Family Guy
"that's been digitally repurposed to be part of a new song?"
Family Guy
"I don't know. I might quit this job."
Family Guy
"God, late-night TV is all terrible."
Family Guy
"Oh, we don't have to watch this."
Family Guy
"We could turn to channel 875 and watch Conan."
Family Guy
"In honor of Sammy, on the bus ride over here, we all sat in the back."
Family Guy
"Lucille Ball was back there with us, and I saw her smoking a Cuban."
Family Guy
"Then Desi zipped up his fly."
Family Guy
"Whose wedding is this? It's hilarious."
Family Guy
"Peter, it's not a wedding, it's an infomercial"
Family Guy
"for The Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts."
Family Guy
"Wait, you mean Comedy Central didn't invent those? No."
Family Guy
"Well, what about funny news? Did they invent that?"
Family Guy
"N-Not really. But they invented comedy."
Family Guy
"They didn't invent anything."
Family Guy
"Well, they centralized it, that we know."
Family Guy
"Man, look at these people. They don't breathe."
Family Guy
"What are you talking about? You want to have a roast?"
Family Guy
"Yeah! Look, he's the man of the hour. Everybody loves him."
Family Guy
"They got his picture in a circle. How do they do that?"
Family Guy
"Pictures come in squares."
Family Guy
"I don't know. Cadillac come up to about here on me."
Family Guy
"All right, so I guess I am the tallest one of us."
Family Guy
"What are you talking about? I'm six-two."
Family Guy
"Says so right here on my driver's license."
Family Guy
"Yeah, that-that doesn't count."
Family Guy
"Why not? You're gonna make me say it?"
Family Guy
"Lay me out on the floor. I'm six-two."
Family Guy
"Hey, you guys. Peter, how tall am I?"
Family Guy
"I don't know, how tall is a mailbox? You're about a mailbox."
Family Guy
"But listen, I-I want you guys to roast me."
Family Guy
"What, you mean like they do on TV?"
Family Guy
"That's right, I want to be the man of the hour."
Family Guy
"And I want all my pals to give me a good ribbing."
Family Guy
"Can we work blue, like Marlin Johnson?"
Family Guy
"Oh, you know it, homey!"
Family Guy
"Huh, all right, that could be fun."
Family Guy
"Great. And you fellas shouldn't pull any punches."
Family Guy
"Just let me have it. Nothing is off-limits."
Family Guy
"Daddy, what kind of tree is that?"
Family Guy
"Man, I want to beat you with so many things around here."
Family Guy
"Ladies and gentlemen and people who have wandered in"
Family Guy
"from the Chinese wedding next door,"
Family Guy
"welcome to the roast of Peter Griffin,"
Family Guy
"Thank you, thank you, thank you very much."
Family Guy
"Joe, I'd tell you to take your seat, but I'd be about 15 years too late."
Family Guy
"Well, what can I say about the man of the hour, Peter Griffin?"
Family Guy
"Oh, boy, here it comes."
Family Guy
"Well, first off, Peter's always been special."
Family Guy
"In high school, he didn't play sports, but he did wear a helmet."
Family Guy
"All right, that's kind of funny. Tough, but fair."
Family Guy
"What's it like going through life with a scrotum so close to your mouth?"
Family Guy
"You know what, hold on. I'll just ask your teenage daughter."
Family Guy
"That... that's inappropriate."
Family Guy
"You know, Peter's challenging the stereotype"
Family Guy
"of Irish guys being fat, drunk and stupid"
Family Guy
"by throwing "a little gay" in there, too."
Family Guy
"Oh, nice, homophobia."
Family Guy
"But I got to say, the worst part of being Peter's friend is"
Family Guy
"knowing that eventually you're gonna have to be the fat-ass's pallbearer."
Family Guy
"Lift with the legs, right fellas?"
Family Guy
"P-People think I'm fat?"
Family Guy
"But seriously, everyone, let's have a big round of applause"
Family Guy
"Peter's chair."
Family Guy
"How you holding up, buddy?"
Family Guy
"Two chair jokes in the same monologue. Sloppy."
Family Guy
"This just in... is what Peter had to say to his wife on their wedding night,"
Family Guy
"so she knew it was actually happening."
Family Guy
"Peter's so ugly, he couldn't get raped in our holding cell down at the station."
Family Guy
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