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Clips from 30 Rock - Alexis Goodlooking and the Case of the Missing Whisky (S06E06)

"Look, if the situation was reversed,"
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"you know I'd pretend to be your boyfriend."
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"I have a boyfriend. In Canada."
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"Seriously. Chris is in Canada for the week."
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"We prefer the term adultophobe."
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"Lynn, what is going on here?"
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"Well, I'm hiding from Sylvia."
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"I got really good at hiding in prison"
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"and making wine in my toilet."
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"Does your mom not know you guys are together?"
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"It's been a year. Sylvia doesn't approve of me."
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"No one can remember why anymore."
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"Look, here's what happened. My mom was snooping in my room,"
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"Liz, we just need you to go along with this"
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"No. I'm not helping to protect this."
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"- It's creepy. - This is creepy?"
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"and our son was a basketball with a wig on it,"
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"'cause living a lie will eat you up inside."
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"30 ROCK S01 Ep. 10 Alexis Goodlooking and the Case of the Missing Whisky"
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"Mr..."
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"Kenneth, since you've left the page program,"
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"one of the most difficult challenges of my career."
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"And I'm including making it through the '80s"
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"without having sex with Belinda Carlisle."
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"I know, sir,"
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"but I just couldn't work in ad sales."
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"We have far too many sponsors"
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"that make housework easier for women."
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"You'll be responsible for keeping the airwaves free"
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"of content that might offend any group."
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"It's a good starting place, but Kenneth,"
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"you can't be so... Morally stubborn."
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"There are gray areas."
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"Oh, no, sir."
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""Son, if you wanna get ahead in this world..."
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"Oh, God, this hurts... Tell your mother I'm gay.""
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"Nerf rifle. Mass Effect 3."
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"What else do we need for, uh, research?"
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"Well, I need the deutsche grammophon box set"
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"- for my opera sketch. - An opera?"
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"Is there singing? Because I sing."
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"The audience expects it. I'll sleep with you."
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"No, Jenna, none of this stuff is really for sketches."
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"We're just saying that so we can charge it all to the show."
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"It's the perfect crime... As long as Pete never finds out."
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"Who drank this?"
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"This is the scotch I was saving for my birthday."
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"Someone with a key to my office,"
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"Hearted individual, probably white,"
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"has ruined the Hornberger hang"
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"for all of us!"
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"Let's get forensics in here."
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"Have the techs lift a latent print,"
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"and run it against AFIS."
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"Maybe the perp's in the system."
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"has done a pilot about a tough but pretty lady cop"
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"with special abilities."
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"I played Alexis Goodlooking"
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"Let's get forensics in here."
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"Unlike my husband's killer, who got away,"
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"We should use your skills"
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"to solve the case of Pete's missing booze."
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"That was a long time ago, Tracy."
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"My detective days are over."
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"Because like all black actors,"
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"who gets reluctant white people to do things."
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"Well..."
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"and I don't know much about politics or the like."
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"All right, I'll do it."
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"Let's ride, partner."
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"Whoop!"
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"We can't say "dick wolf" on TV."
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"I just had an emergency meeting with legal,"
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""hit, great show, fun," or "broadcast television.""
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"Now, Kenneth..."
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"Mr. Donaghy, Bradley Tarkin, junior compliance associate."
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"We met last year at your completely silent presentation"
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"I was just an intern then,"
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"but afterwards, I got you to sign"
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"my first edition Jack attack."
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"You know, the first edition has a typo."
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""we're all gonna be in the black... comma... guys.""
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"Anyway, nice to meet you again, Bradley."
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"Uh, Kenneth, a word."
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"in the business world."
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"Destroy me?"
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"He's the best friend I've ever had,"
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"tied with everyone I've ever met."
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"Kenneth, if you learn one thing from me, it's this:"
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"Let me tell you a little story."
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"Henry pretended to be my friend,"
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"We got the contract!"
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"We're gonna make the bottles for new coke."
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"My friendship with Henry was a lie."
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"Now he's a junior compliance associate."
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"I signed his book. He had my signature."
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"He probably put it on a forged letter of recommendation."
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"from the Greek "para" meaning "beside,""
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"and "noid," which is some sort of a..."
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"Pizza demon! No, that can't be right."
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"The point is, you've got to be paranoid, Kenneth."
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"You've gotta go in there and crush Bradley"
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"But I've never crushed anyone"
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"- Be cool, be cool, be cool. - How did you get in here?"
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"Oh, Frank said you couldn't come to dinner"
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"because you weren't feeling well."
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"But I know the best thing for a fever"
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"So I packed everything up,"
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"prayed to the patron Saint of locked apartments,"
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"You don't have a say in this! Now, lie down."
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"While I'm here, you do nothing."
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"As we say in Italy..."
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"You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
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"Why would I?"
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"I was gonna drink it with him on his birthday."
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"Okay, but if you think of anything,"
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"use this phone as a reminder to call us."
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"I may not pick up,"
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"'cause I lost my phone just now."
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"Read him his rights."
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