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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Santa Simulation (S06E06)

"lower mantelpiece assembly"
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"Oh, before I forget, Saturday I'm planning a little"
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"Is having a real-life girlfriend who has sex with you"
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"Yeah, like a bunch of savages."
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"If-if I'm not there, then everyone will blame you."
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"I have to play Dungeons and Dragons..."
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"♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪"
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"Pirate with a peg leg? (chuckles)"
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"Would you just look inside?"
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"(groans)"
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""a thrilling Dungeons and Dragons adventure."
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"who have all been massacred.""
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"(gasps) I like where this is heading."
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""Your task"
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""That leader's name:"
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"Santa Claus"""
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"Thought it'd be fun to make"
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"Fun?"
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"I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand,"
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"and shoot my magic all over his ass."
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"Do you hear yourself when you say these things?"
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"Sheldon, what do you do?"
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"to shove Christmas joy down my throat"
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"by making a gesture that says, "Get a load of this guy.""
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"And you discover a secret door leading to a dark corridor."
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"Okay, guys, let's make a plan: spell casters in the back,"
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"Hang on, Santa, I'm coming for you!"
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"But... a canon?"
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"Am I really out of the game?"
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"Okay, come on, moving on."
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"Because if you've got one, I need it bad."
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"Bernadette's wearing leopard-print pumps"
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"showing all kinds of ankle."
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"...am wearing a little number that got me"
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"out of two speeding tickets and jury duty."
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"I know they're making a rhetorical point,"
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"My character died."
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"Maybe another time."
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"Ooh!"
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"Girls' night, girls' night! (whoops)"
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"by getting stinking drunk, luring strange men"
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"No! No!"
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"Can we get another bottle of champagne for the table?"
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"And not just because if you weren't here,"
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"My vet says if I give her any more foie gras,"
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"That's sweet of you."
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"see if we can find a nice girl, and then introduce you."
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"Well, a couple of things."
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"They must be insanely hot."
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"Like, nines or tens."
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"Sure. I get it."
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"that is crushing the life out of that friend?"
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"Excuse me, I'm a married man now."
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"I walk up"
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"to the large chest,"
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"It's locked, but suddenly the door behind you slams shut"
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"sing of Svaty Vaclav and his victory.""
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"Who the hell is Svaty Vaclav? Walls are getting closer."
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"Wait, Svaty Vaclav was the Duke of Bohemia."
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"from the beloved Victorian Christmas carol."
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"Somebody sing the damn song!"
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"♪ Deep and crisp and even"
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"I combined a well-known, historical fact"
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"♪ Yonder peasant, who is he?"
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"♪ Brightly shone the moon that night, though the frost... ♪"
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"Of course he is."
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"Oh, here he comes."
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"Ooh!"
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"Why can't I find someone?"
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"No, it's not."
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"because she got drunk and naked and climbed into bed with me."
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"I'm very old-fashioned that way."
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"Oh, come on, Raj, not even a little bit?"
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"Nope."
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"I don't know. What's the difference?"
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"It's a game of the imagination, Leonard."
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"Paint a picture."
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"Fine."
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"You leave the room and find yourself"
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"Good story."
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"Little eggnog?"
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"Yes."
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"Since when is eggnog a Christmas drink?"
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"Come on, Sheldon."
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"Oh, don't be silly."
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"Why is this so important to you?"
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"and I'm tired of you sucking the joy out of them now."
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"we had to leave him a research paper."
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"No wonder you love Christmas."
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"That sounds amazing."
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"Yeah, I'm familiar with your work."
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"C-minus was your gift."
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"It's fine."
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"I'm used to being the girl who never gets looked at twice."
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"I didn't have my first kiss till I was 22,"
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"In seventh grade, I played Spin the Bottle"
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"and woke up with more clothes on."
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"I'm holding hands with another person."
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"Thank you, Rajesh."
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"Damn it."
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"What?"
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"I'm kind of into her."
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"All right."
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"Great. Let's do it."
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"The drawbridge is lowering."
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"Play through the pain!"
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"You did it! The drawbridge is down."
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"You cross the chasm"
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"I take out my skeleton key"
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"But first, I cast a spell of paralysis"
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"on Stuart and Howard. Wait, what are you doing?"
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"So Wolowitz and Stuart are paralyzed, Santa's dead,"
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"and I picked this over having sex with my girlfriend."
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"You should be asleep."
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"I've been wanting to talk to you."
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"Close your eyes."
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"Oh, I hope it's a train."
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"Ho, ho, ho, ya big dork!"
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"Okay, now holding sides of hearth in position,"
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"onto top tabs."
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