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Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S03E03)

"Finely-tuned hetero-athletes. Yeah, hang on, I'm getting a call. Brriing!"
Archer (2009)
"My sat phone. The pirates took it."
Archer (2009)
"And since I haven't called in, ISIS should be calling me anytime now."
Archer (2009)
"Jeezow, Lana, answer your stupid phone."
Archer (2009)
"MAN : Hello? Give me Sterling Archer mother."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, my God, be more Chinese-y."
Archer (2009)
"Pirates, line two. MALORY: Wha--? Well, put them through."
Archer (2009)
"That's why your phone is blinking."
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Oh. Hello?"
Archer (2009)
"If you touch one hair on my son's head, I'll have your guts for garters."
Archer (2009)
"We'll come back for you later."
Archer (2009)
"Why not? She's been coming to your rescue since you were in short pants."
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Oh, for-- Sterling, get your things."
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Sterling, get your things."
Archer (2009)
"CYRI L: Well, try."
Archer (2009)
"PAM: I can't remember."
Archer (2009)
"There's a reason they call it "black-out drunk.""
Archer (2009)
"If I don't remember that password, I can't unembezzle that money..."
Archer (2009)
"I don't even want the gay back. So you just better sharpen your pencil."
Archer (2009)
"BUCKY : I don't have pencil. It's an idiom!"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, my God. Okay, first of all--"
Archer (2009)
"--He's been here voluntarily! Partying his ass off as king of the pirates!"
Archer (2009)
"No."
Archer (2009)
"Three million in cash? That, uh, should not be a problem."
Archer (2009)
"I know it shouldn't be, and it better not be."
Archer (2009)
"Keep looking, maybe I wrote it down. Um..."
Archer (2009)
""KillArcherDie." No. PAM: Um..."
Archer (2009)
"Thank you."
Archer (2009)
"Do you hear me? I want proof of life."
Archer (2009)
"LANA: You lying, pathetic, little piece of-- Ooh."
Archer (2009)
"Shut up. But I promised his mother that I would bring him home safely."
Archer (2009)
"No, not a ship. That was an idiom."
Archer (2009)
"A helicopter. There's an old Huey down by the dock..."
Archer (2009)
"...and it just so happens, Rip Riley here can fly it."
Archer (2009)
"Rip Riley here can fly anything. You know, as long as it's got fuel."
Archer (2009)
"I doubt they'd keep it in here. ...in which we're still locked?"
Archer (2009)
"I figured that we'd kind of work backwards from the, uh, stealing of the helicopter."
Archer (2009)
"“ArcherBurnFace." No."
Archer (2009)
"Are you gonna type random words in there the rest of your life?"
Archer (2009)
"...shit-faced drunk as we were last night in the hopes that we remember the password?"
Archer (2009)
"Pam."
Archer (2009)
"Ah. Seriously, I bet that would've killed a lesser man."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, because then I could just puke up a key."
Archer (2009)
"Because you'd be dead. Houdini's dead?"
Archer (2009)
"You know what? Yes. Here's what we do."
Archer (2009)
"And then? Then we'll see. We'll keep it loose."
Archer (2009)
"BUCKY: Sterling Archer."
Archer (2009)
"Hey, telephone. It's your mother. My--?"
Archer (2009)
"Wait, please tell me you didn't tell her I was temporarily the pirate king."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, and Riley said he no longer finds you attractive because you're too old."
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Was that a gunshot?"
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, they got old Ray this time. BUCKY: Unh! Unh! Unh!"
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: You're no spring chicken yourself."
Archer (2009)
"Shit. Lana!"
Archer (2009)
"Noah! What?"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Spoon him! What do you mean, spoon him?"
Archer (2009)
"For shit's sake, Mother! How short is the list of guys you haven't screwed?"
Archer (2009)
"For once, you're on your own."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: For once? Oh, my God, Columbia Hou--?"
Archer (2009)
"...by becoming a pirate king!"
Archer (2009)
"So Mother can keep her stupid ransom, because I don't need her!"
Archer (2009)
"Maybe some psychic scarring, yes, but physically I'm--"
Archer (2009)
"Tend to the wounded!"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, right, right. Right, of course, of course. Not him. Start with Lana."
Archer (2009)
"Because you can forget ransom, now you and your friends will die here."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, speaking of forgetting, couple things. One, these aren't my friends."
Archer (2009)
"Got that right. I mean her, yes, kind of, maybe..."
Archer (2009)
"...but there's a lot of weird sexual tension. LANA: Ha!"
Archer (2009)
"But these other three, whatever, who cares? I mean, Noah's a slave."
Archer (2009)
"So now you thinking, "Did he fire eight shots, or only--?""
Archer (2009)
"Four, idiot. So get your things, we're leaving."
Archer (2009)
"Okay, can I just run up to my hovel quick and grab the only extant copy of my dissertation?"
Archer (2009)
"Noah, still got four bullets. Oh, God, do you know what "extant" means?"
Archer (2009)
"I'll write another one."
Archer (2009)
"The world holds its breath."
Archer (2009)
"Ray? Ray?"
Archer (2009)
"Lana, I only have two hands."
Archer (2009)
"There, I finished. Jeez, damn."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: How you doing, Riley? How the hell do you think I'm doing?"
Archer (2009)
"Discoverer of blood groups?"
Archer (2009)
""Dr. Charles Drew, or I will eat a bag of dicks.""
Archer (2009)
"Bring them."
Archer (2009)
"No, I'm A-negative too. Eh? Blow it up."
Archer (2009)
"--He's already a quart low, so..."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, my God, yes."
Archer (2009)
"Unless you want people in here, in which case--"
Archer (2009)
"CYRIL: Aah! Five-0. Five-O."
Archer (2009)
"Why just me? What's happening Sunday?"
Archer (2009)
"Probably my grisly murder, because we still haven't found that password."
Archer (2009)
"Did you try "guest"?"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, eat a dick."
Archer (2009)
"What? U.S. or imperial?"
Archer (2009)
"You will never make it to the helicopter. My men will cut you down like dogs."
Archer (2009)
"Are you serious?"
Archer (2009)
"The what? Ow!"
Archer (2009)
"Lana, shut up. That's today? Yeah, it's right now. Well, in 10 minutes."
Archer (2009)
"--Versus the Archers of Loafcrosse."
Archer (2009)
"What? That's my team. Archer."
Archer (2009)
"Not for once, Lana. Hello? Columbia House."
Archer (2009)
"God, now that I think about it, you're my only friend."
Archer (2009)
"Uh, wow."
Archer (2009)
"Please don't make me choose."
Archer (2009)
"Lana. Lana, we got the face-off. Hooray."
Archer (2009)
"Lurch, what are you doing?"
Archer (2009)
"Middies, come on, get in position!"
Archer (2009)
"Incoming!"
Archer (2009)
"Yee... Oh, no!"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: What, Lana? LANA: I--"
Archer (2009)
"Nothing. I got you."
Archer (2009)
"You got me. Well, that's just super."
Archer (2009)
"What the hell is your problem?"
Archer (2009)
"My problem, Lana, is you just Bonnie and Clyded my starting middies."
Archer (2009)
"Archer, they were-- Redshirt freshmen, Lana, who I was grooming."
Archer (2009)
"...can forget about the South Pacific lacrosse championships!"
Archer (2009)
"Right? Wow."
Archer (2009)
"And then kill each other again. And call me, so I can watch you do it."
Archer (2009)
"Well, except for Rip's eye, you got everyone home in one piece."
Archer (2009)
"Columbia House Record Club."
Archer (2009)
"Archer, the important thing is that we're home."
Archer (2009)
"WW. what happened?"
Archer (2009)
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