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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - USPIS (S02E02)

Detective Peralta.

"Detective Peralta."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hi.

"Hi."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Very primitive.

"Very primitive."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

but that's because we're this proud nation's first defense

"but that's because we're this proud nation's first defense"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

in the war on terror.

"in the war on terror."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh.

"Oh."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Of course you do.

"Of course you do."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Take it away, Peralta.

"Take it away, Peralta."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Shouldn't have done that.

"Shouldn't have done that."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

B-side's got some banging sousa deep cuts.

"B-side's got some banging sousa deep cuts."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, yeah, that is some sweet green curves right there.

"Oh, yeah, that is some sweet green curves right there."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Uh, you should probably let me take lead on this.

"Uh, you should probably let me take lead on this."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

A lot of people don't like cops,

"A lot of people don't like cops,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

with bringing goodness into people's lives

"with bringing goodness into people's lives"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

is "going postal."

"is "going postal.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're kidding, right?

"You're kidding, right?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I know what it means!

"I know what it means!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and check out the box?

"and check out the box?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Plus, I'd be lying if I said it didn't look insanely cool.

"Plus, I'd be lying if I said it didn't look insanely cool."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You okay?

"You okay?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Where you going, Amy?

"Where you going, Amy?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, I was just going outside to...

"Oh, I was just going outside to..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

See this pigeon I've been training.

"See this pigeon I've been training."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Damn it. I made my lie too enticing.

"Damn it. I made my lie too enticing."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Your lame system-reboot thing didn't work.

"Your lame system-reboot thing didn't work."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You know, I don't like to talk about this,

"You know, I don't like to talk about this,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I could not get enough of the ponies.

"I could not get enough of the ponies."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Go, razzmataz.

"Go, razzmataz."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What worked for me was replacing my bad addiction

"What worked for me was replacing my bad addiction"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

with a good addiction...

"with a good addiction..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Exercise.

"Exercise."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Grab your sneakers, Santiago.

"Grab your sneakers, Santiago."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

chat about the job, do some mentor-mentee bonding.

"chat about the job, do some mentor-mentee bonding."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We will exercise in silence.

"We will exercise in silence."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No headphones either.

"No headphones either."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm sorry, let me get this straight.

"I'm sorry, let me get this straight."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and he got away?

"and he got away?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

proper law-enforcement procedure is what happened.

"proper law-enforcement procedure is what happened."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Always check for ground-level obstructions

"Always check for ground-level obstructions"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The ground-level obstruction

"The ground-level obstruction"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I have claw marks all over my calf.

"I have claw marks all over my calf."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm sorry, Rosa, can I talk to you in private for a second?

"I'm sorry, Rosa, can I talk to you in private for a second?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah. We'll be right back.

"Yeah. We'll be right back."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, imagine a letter had unprotected sex with a phone.

"Okay, imagine a letter had unprotected sex with a phone."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

He ruined the whole operation.

"He ruined the whole operation."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, tools can be useful. He's the world's smallest tool.

"No, tools can be useful. He's the world's smallest tool."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

There's clearly a postal connection.

"There's clearly a postal connection."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, wait, wait.

"Okay, wait, wait."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I don't know what "behonkus" means, but yes.

"I don't know what "behonkus" means, but yes."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, fine.

"All right, fine."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But if he tells me one more time

"But if he tells me one more time"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Really good. No nicotine cravings at all.

"Really good. No nicotine cravings at all."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The magic of endorphins.

"The magic of endorphins."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, I haven't seen it.

"No, I haven't seen it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why would the housekeeper steal your belt?

"Why would the housekeeper steal your belt?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No.

"No."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's steam. I'm in the shower.

"That's steam. I'm in the shower."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So what are a bunch of drug dealers

"So what are a bunch of drug dealers"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

doing with old postal keys?

"doing with old postal keys?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Postal service doesn't make mistakes.

"Postal service doesn't make mistakes."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You lose millions of letters every year. Really?

"You lose millions of letters every year. Really?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Then explain to me why none of these missing letters

"Then explain to me why none of these missing letters"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

have ever been found.

"have ever been found."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, if it wasn't a mistake, maybe it was an inside job.

"Okay, if it wasn't a mistake, maybe it was an inside job."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

There are five people responsible

"There are five people responsible"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

for key collection in the city.

"for key collection in the city."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Boom! That's our list of suspects.

"Boom! That's our list of suspects."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I honestly think you are the greatest man who ever lived.

"I honestly think you are the greatest man who ever lived."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's a no-go.

"That's a no-go."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Tracking these people down is a waste of time.

"Tracking these people down is a waste of time."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I say we keep surveilling the mailboxes.

"I say we keep surveilling the mailboxes."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Look, I have worked a ton of these drug cases, all right?

"Look, I have worked a ton of these drug cases, all right?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're not FBI. You're not ATF.

"You're not FBI. You're not ATF."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You work for the post office.

"You work for the post office."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"We guard what you lick."

""We guard what you lick.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, forget it.

"No, forget it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm not giving you the list of names.

"I'm not giving you the list of names."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and if nothing turns up after a couple of days,

"and if nothing turns up after a couple of days,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

then we'll go on your wild goose chase.

"then we'll go on your wild goose chase."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and brought in muffins for everyone.

"and brought in muffins for everyone."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

grab a muff with some bluebs, and when I get back,

"grab a muff with some bluebs, and when I get back,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

we will discuss strategy for the stakeouts.

"we will discuss strategy for the stakeouts."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, guard the door.

"All right, guard the door."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Fine, I'll be lookout.

"Fine, I'll be lookout."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

This printer is so slow!

"This printer is so slow!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Come on.

"Come on."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, two down, three to go.

"All right, two down, three to go."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Next on the list, Kent Delroy.

"Next on the list, Kent Delroy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Worked at the post office for 12 years.

"Worked at the post office for 12 years."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, I'm gonna break down the door.

"All right, I'm gonna break down the door."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

as a show of support.

"as a show of support."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And, Amy, you don't know this

"And, Amy, you don't know this"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

'cause I don't necessarily enjoy talking to you,

"'cause I don't necessarily enjoy talking to you,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I was a compulsive shopper.

"I was a compulsive shopper."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And it's gonna do the same for you.

"And it's gonna do the same for you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I am in a vast hallway.

"I am in a vast hallway."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I am in a vast hallway.

"I am in a vast hallway."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I walk into the light of self-actualization.

"I walk into the light of self-actualization."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

For I am a powerful woman.

"For I am a powerful woman."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm not hearing everyone.

"I'm not hearing everyone."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What? I'm not the one with my eyes open.

"What? I'm not the one with my eyes open."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Cheater!

"Cheater!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Captain Holt is cheating.

"Captain Holt is cheating."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Santiago, we're trying to help you.

"Santiago, we're trying to help you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I can't do it.

"I can't do it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I quit quitting.

"I quit quitting."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

This guy is sort of the Mitch Globmun

"This guy is sort of the Mitch Globmun"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Globmun was the first kid in my grade to get a pube.

"Globmun was the first kid in my grade to get a pube."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Rosa, great news, my friend!

"Rosa, great news, my friend!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

took information from a classified computer,

"took information from a classified computer,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The stamps were on me.

"The stamps were on me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I was curious about how old glue tasted.

"I was curious about how old glue tasted."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Mm.

"Mm."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Donger wanted us to waste a week staring at mailboxes.

"Donger wanted us to waste a week staring at mailboxes."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

If I'd listened to him, I never would have caught Delroy.

"If I'd listened to him, I never would have caught Delroy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Or found his books, which tell us

"Or found his books, which tell us"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, I know I didn't do it

"Okay, I know I didn't do it"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The way I ordered you to as leader of the task force.

"The way I ordered you to as leader of the task force."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Donger's furious. He's on his way over here now

"Donger's furious. He's on his way over here now"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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