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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - USPIS (S02E02)

because they're taking over the case.

"because they're taking over the case."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

This table tastes like Scully's elbow blisters.

"This table tastes like Scully's elbow blisters."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Rosa has every right to be pissed at me.

"Rosa has every right to be pissed at me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I didn't follow her orders and I messed up the task force.

"I didn't follow her orders and I messed up the task force."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

is to do the worst, most awful thing imaginable.

"is to do the worst, most awful thing imaginable."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why would you say that?

"Why would you say that?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I've been terrified ever since.

"I've been terrified ever since."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm sorry I said "forever" stamps are a lie

"I'm sorry I said "forever" stamps are a lie"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

be swallowed by the sun.

"be swallowed by the sun."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I know what you're trying to do

"I know what you're trying to do"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

A history of the USPIS."

"A history of the USPIS.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, great read!

"Oh, great read!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah.

"Yeah."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The real story begins in the 16th century

"The real story begins in the 16th century"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Absolutely. Please tell us that story.

"Absolutely. Please tell us that story."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But this is when USPIS history gets really good.

"But this is when USPIS history gets really good."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

They actually moved the headquarters

"They actually moved the headquarters"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

back to Boston from Washington D.C.

"back to Boston from Washington D.C."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Let's jump ahead to 1820...

"Let's jump ahead to 1820..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Wait, you're just gonna jump a whole decade?

"Wait, you're just gonna jump a whole decade?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

adjusted to the cold new England winters.

"adjusted to the cold new England winters."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Delroy won't tell us where the shipment's going tonight

"Delroy won't tell us where the shipment's going tonight"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and his notebooks are all in code.

"and his notebooks are all in code."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Have a look.

"Have a look."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It doesn't exist.

"It doesn't exist."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Two zip codes back-to-back.

"Two zip codes back-to-back."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But they're nowhere near here.

"But they're nowhere near here."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sterling place and Washington Avenue.

"Sterling place and Washington Avenue."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's where the giggle pig delivery's gonna be?

"That's where the giggle pig delivery's gonna be?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It's like working inside a beaver dam.

"It's like working inside a beaver dam."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Santiago, you're putting yourself

"Santiago, you're putting yourself"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And that stress is making it even harder for you to quit.

"And that stress is making it even harder for you to quit."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

A concept you should become familiar with.

"A concept you should become familiar with."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm setting an example.

"I'm setting an example."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I made an error and I'm not going to correct it.

"I made an error and I'm not going to correct it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm just gonna let it dangle...

"I'm just gonna let it dangle..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Wait, before we go in there...

"Wait, before we go in there..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Apology accepted.

"Apology accepted."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ugh, so I have to suffer?

"Ugh, so I have to suffer?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I didn't follow your orders,

"I didn't follow your orders,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm a jerk, I'm sorry.

"I'm a jerk, I'm sorry."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So that's what eternity feels like.

"So that's what eternity feels like."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I could not have made that any shorter.

"I could not have made that any shorter."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake, you stay out here and man the radio.

"Jake, you stay out here and man the radio."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jerk.

"Jerk."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yes! I'm going on the wall of heroes.

"Yes! I'm going on the wall of heroes."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, another win for USPIS.

"All right, another win for USPIS."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It's all part of the job.

"It's all part of the job."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I said I had to take my mom to get birth control pills.

"I said I had to take my mom to get birth control pills."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Uh...

"Uh..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Take it to the lab. Find out if it's giggle pig.

"Take it to the lab. Find out if it's giggle pig."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Miller, get a new k-9. That dog is an idiot.

"Miller, get a new k-9. That dog is an idiot."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, move out.

"All right, move out."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

meaning "prudence in financial matters."

"meaning "prudence in financial matters.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I am.

"I am."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

we actually haven't used in years.

"we actually haven't used in years."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The robot has a backpack that can carry me.

"The robot has a backpack that can carry me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I heard chewing gum helps.

"I heard chewing gum helps."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

for giggle pig and money.

"for giggle pig and money."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

For an hour.

"For an hour."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Detective Rosa Diaz, meet my new partner, Jack donger.

"Detective Rosa Diaz, meet my new partner, Jack donger."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

but everybody loves postal workers.

"but everybody loves postal workers."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's why the phrase most associated

"That's why the phrase most associated"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Tradition and security.

"Tradition and security."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It does the can-can.

"It does the can-can."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're going me on a lunchtime jog.

"You're going me on a lunchtime jog."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Great! We can talk a little,

"Great! We can talk a little,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What happened?

"What happened?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What?

"What?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

God! Do you see what he's doing to me?

"God! Do you see what he's doing to me?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

about how USPIS "mailed down" the Berlin wall,

"about how USPIS "mailed down" the Berlin wall,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Clearly.

"Clearly."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why do I see smoke?

"Why do I see smoke?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Mm, barking up the wrong tree, McGruff.

"Mm, barking up the wrong tree, McGruff."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We shall call them "the fellowship of the key."

"We shall call them "the fellowship of the key.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We're gonna keep surveilling those mailboxes,

"We're gonna keep surveilling those mailboxes,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake! What? Is he coming?

"Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake! What? Is he coming?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, let me do it.

"No, let me do it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, fine. You get one try.

"All right, fine. You get one try."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Silence before the shaman.

"Silence before the shaman."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Gina is leading you on a guided mediation.

"Gina is leading you on a guided mediation."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

gently caressing your face.

"gently caressing your face."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

of getting put in jail for this.

"of getting put in jail for this."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

exactly the way you asked me to...

"exactly the way you asked me to..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

My task force gets nothing. So thanks, friend.

"My task force gets nothing. So thanks, friend."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

In sunday school, they told us

"In sunday school, they told us"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, well, what I have to do is far, far worse.

"Okay, well, what I have to do is far, far worse."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

because the earth will eventually

"because the earth will eventually"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Maybe at first, but that was before I read,

"Maybe at first, but that was before I read,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But it actually just scratches the surface.

"But it actually just scratches the surface."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

under too much pressure.

"under too much pressure."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Did we catch all the bad guys?

"Did we catch all the bad guys?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yup, we got 'em.

"Yup, we got 'em."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Task force brought in a giggle pig dealer this morning.

"Task force brought in a giggle pig dealer this morning."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're my friend, and I won't let you down.

"You're my friend, and I won't let you down."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So buh-dass.

"So buh-dass."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Thank God we're here. Look, there's a box up there.

"Thank God we're here. Look, there's a box up there."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What's the point of that thing?

"What's the point of that thing?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Let's just put this in perspective for a second.

"Let's just put this in perspective for a second."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So how do you feel?

"So how do you feel?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Quit two years ago.

"Quit two years ago."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, I'm not holding a label maker.

"No, I'm not holding a label maker."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay.

"Okay."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Close your eyes and repeat:

"Close your eyes and repeat:"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

For I am a powerful woman.

"For I am a powerful woman."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I feel the breeze.

"I feel the breeze."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Do you wanna hear about it?

"Do you wanna hear about it?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You can have the case back.

"You can have the case back."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Could you please knock it off?

"Could you please knock it off?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Stop!

"Stop!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I lost everything.

"I lost everything."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

the human cost of me spending another minute

"the human cost of me spending another minute"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I walk into the light of self-actualization.

"I walk into the light of self-actualization."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Dangle.

"Dangle."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's worse!

"That's worse!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You feel the cool breeze of enlightenment

"You feel the cool breeze of enlightenment"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Do it again!

"Do it again!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

There's banana bread too!

"There's banana bread too!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ugh, this place is the worst!

"Ugh, this place is the worst!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

This way, Santiago.

"This way, Santiago."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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