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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - USPIS (S02E02)

I mean, I'm dying to know

"I mean, I'm dying to know"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, thank you.

"Oh, thank you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Have you checked out this phone number?

"Have you checked out this phone number?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ten digits, what else could it be?

"Ten digits, what else could it be?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yup. We gotta go, right now.

"Yup. We gotta go, right now."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

if you stop being such a perfectionist.

"if you stop being such a perfectionist."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"Familiar with?"

""Familiar with?""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Dangle...

"Dangle..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, I actually want to do it.

"No, I actually want to do it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'll make it quick.

"I'll make it quick."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I took advantage of our friendship,

"I took advantage of our friendship,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Tac team one will take the north entrance.

"Tac team one will take the north entrance."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Tac team two will take the east door.

"Tac team two will take the east door."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ready? On my count.

"Ready? On my count."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Three, two, one.

"Three, two, one."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Freeze, police!

"Freeze, police!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Also USPIS. And USPIS.

"Also USPIS. And USPIS."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Unh!

"Unh!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hands on your head!

"Hands on your head!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Unh. What happened?

"Unh. What happened?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You hit your head on the doorway coming in.

"You hit your head on the doorway coming in."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Got knocked out cold.

"Got knocked out cold."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're lying in rat turds.

"You're lying in rat turds."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It's all part of the job, little brother.

"It's all part of the job, little brother."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Have a nice weekend, Peralta?

"Have a nice weekend, Peralta?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It was kind of a big one.

"It was kind of a big one."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Nobody showed at the party.

"Nobody showed at the party."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I panicked and said I had to go to the vet

"I panicked and said I had to go to the vet"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's better than my excuse.

"That's better than my excuse."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I said I had to go to my girls' bat mitzvahs.

"I said I had to go to my girls' bat mitzvahs."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and it was a big one.

"and it was a big one."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I told them I was in Ecuador. I think they bought it.

"I told them I was in Ecuador. I think they bought it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We gotta make it up to him.

"We gotta make it up to him."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Let's give him cash.

"Let's give him cash."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Everyone, put in $20 each.

"Everyone, put in $20 each."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yes, I'll cover you.

"Yes, I'll cover you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, Scully...

"Hey, Scully..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Huh?

"Huh?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We're sorry that we missed your party.

"We're sorry that we missed your party."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, don't worry about it. You all had stuff to do.

"Oh, don't worry about it. You all had stuff to do."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Thanks, guys. You're the best.

"Thanks, guys. You're the best."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday, Scully.

"Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday, Scully."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That was my thumbtack mug.

"That was my thumbtack mug."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm running this task force, so everything goes through me.

"I'm running this task force, so everything goes through me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Got it? Good.

"Got it? Good."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jackson, some ecstasy was found on the F train.

"Jackson, some ecstasy was found on the F train."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Scully, Hitchcock, work your C.I.S.

"Scully, Hitchcock, work your C.I.S."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

In what world does "everything" not include beef jerky?

"In what world does "everything" not include beef jerky?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Here's what's up. Yeah.

"Here's what's up. Yeah."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Second guy we've brought in that's had one of these keys.

"Second guy we've brought in that's had one of these keys."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Huh.

"Huh."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

My best guess, this opens

"My best guess, this opens"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Take it to the postal inspection service.

"Take it to the postal inspection service."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

See what you can find out.

"See what you can find out."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, work this thing hard.

"Hey, work this thing hard."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We're under a lot of pressure with the task force,

"We're under a lot of pressure with the task force,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

so we could really use a win.

"so we could really use a win."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You got it.

"You got it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What?

"What?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I meant like a brassiere, which is totally different.

"I meant like a brassiere, which is totally different."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Not better. Here we go. Here we go!

"Not better. Here we go. Here we go!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Santiago, I may need you to come in for a bit on saturday.

"Santiago, I may need you to come in for a bit on saturday."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Again? Are you kidding me, man?

"Again? Are you kidding me, man?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What just happened?

"What just happened?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Her mind finally snapped, like a stale breadstick.

"Her mind finally snapped, like a stale breadstick."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Captain, please forgive me.

"Captain, please forgive me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I can't take the stress of hiding it from Teddy anymore.

"I can't take the stress of hiding it from Teddy anymore."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm going cold turkey, and it makes me irritable.

"I'm going cold turkey, and it makes me irritable."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I know I should be able to do this by myself,

"I know I should be able to do this by myself,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

but it would be great if you guys could maybe

"but it would be great if you guys could maybe"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Of course, we'll do everything we can to help.

"Of course, we'll do everything we can to help."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Or, plan B, I could arrange for you to go to a safe place

"Or, plan B, I could arrange for you to go to a safe place"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

where you can just relax and watch pretty boats go by.

"where you can just relax and watch pretty boats go by."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Look, this one's on an island.

"Look, this one's on an island."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, we're looking for room 247,

"Okay, we're looking for room 247,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

agent Jack danger.

"agent Jack danger."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Agent Jack danger?

"Agent Jack danger?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ah, here we are.

"Ah, here we are."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Wait.

"Wait."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Cool guy, probably expecting a cool knock.

"Cool guy, probably expecting a cool knock."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That was incredible.

"That was incredible."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Enter.

"Enter."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It's derived from a Dutch word

"It's derived from a Dutch word"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Also cool.

"Also cool."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I understand you need a little help from the big boys

"I understand you need a little help from the big boys"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, U.S. postal inspection service,

"Yeah, U.S. postal inspection service,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

founded by Benjamin Franklin in 1772,

"founded by Benjamin Franklin in 1772,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Are you aware that he helped

"Are you aware that he helped"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

popularize parmesan cheese in America?

"popularize parmesan cheese in America?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

USPIS is the crown jewel of the law enforcement system.

"USPIS is the crown jewel of the law enforcement system."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

1,200 inspectors tackling everything from mail fraud

"1,200 inspectors tackling everything from mail fraud"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And, of course, occasionally assisting our little brothers

"And, of course, occasionally assisting our little brothers"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

in the police department.

"in the police department."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Little brothers?

"Little brothers?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, I am a federal agent. You're just a local cop.

"Well, I am a federal agent. You're just a local cop."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

However, there are a few around town that were never removed.

"However, there are a few around town that were never removed."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I can find out where they are and send you the locations.

"I can find out where they are and send you the locations."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That would be great. Here, my email is...

"That would be great. Here, my email is..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Uh, no email.

"Uh, no email."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'll send it to you with r-mail,

"I'll send it to you with r-mail,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and partnered you with a robocop?

"and partnered you with a robocop?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, how's cold turkey going?

"Hey, how's cold turkey going?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You know, I never smoked, but I did once have an addiction.

"You know, I never smoked, but I did once have an addiction."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Food... it got bad.

"Food... it got bad."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're not closed!

"You're not closed!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It's 6:00!

"It's 6:00!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Every time I wanted food, I rebooted my system.

"Every time I wanted food, I rebooted my system."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Are you ready to reboot?

"Are you ready to reboot?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

into ice water and reset my brain.

"into ice water and reset my brain."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Watch me. Aah!

"Watch me. Aah!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Whoo!

"Whoo!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm all good!

"I'm all good!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, you try!

"Yeah, you try!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

these out-of-service mailboxes as drops

"these out-of-service mailboxes as drops"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Although it should be "dong-est."

"Although it should be "dong-est.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Can't imagine anyone being more dong than this guy.

"Can't imagine anyone being more dong than this guy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sounds like he was a good resource.

"Sounds like he was a good resource."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

of the snails, and he called them "the littlest victims."

"of the snails, and he called them "the littlest victims.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah. Yup. No. No, no, no, no.

"Yeah. Yup. No. No, no, no, no."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Please tell me I don't have to keep working with that...

"Please tell me I don't have to keep working with that..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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