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Clips from Scrubs - My Two Dads (S01E01)

"Once every 6.3 seconds, a man says something stupid"
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"that another man hears and punishes him for. Luckily, this wasn't..."
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"- That's it! - Oh, no."
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"I will not be in the same room with you again, starting..."
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"now."
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"Tissue?"
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"It's a challenge..."
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"''Fighting Joe'' Hooker..."
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"I hate him."
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"Hey, sport. Or should I say howdy, Mr Pouty?"
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"It's been a rough day."
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"So I hear. Well, anyway, I'm very proud of you, Dr..."
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"Dr Turk."
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"This is my roommate's badge. We must have switched..."
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"That's a great anecdote. You should write that down in your journal."
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"- They're waiting for us... - In a moment."
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"If you go easy on the stories, I'd love you to join me for golf tomorrow."
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"- That'd be terrific, sir. - Super."
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"- I'm gonna buy her flowers. - Yeah!"
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"Please, been done to death."
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"I don't get it. I do everything by the book."
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"How about chocolates?"
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"Have you ever treated your patients"
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"because she says e-mail's too impersonal. That's perfect."
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"- A pen is good. - Yeah!"
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"All I gotta do is find time to get out of here and maybe I'll buy her one."
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"and tell them ghost stories about an old sea captain."
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"Look at that white blood cell count."
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"And all it took was a visit from The Rock."
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"The Rock was here and nobody told me?"
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"- The Rock couldn't make it. - Well, somebody did something."
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"Every time I think something, the opposite happens."
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"Who's the present from?"
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"- My boyfriend. - When did he give it to you?"
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"of encephalopathy and jaundice thanks to Bottom-Line Bob."
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"I hate anybody who even associates with him. Is that clear?"
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"Call me."
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"How's that stuff even get up there?"
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"I fell on it."
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"- Next to the Lost and Found Box? - There's no Lost and Found Box."
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"There's an Ass Box."
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"Yes, sir, Dr Kelso."
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"A tee, or some tea, sir? Because I've brought both."
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"Excellent, our fourth has arrived."
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"And watching his face as I kick his worthless butt"
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"up and down this golf course every week, is basically..."
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"What's your pathetic excuse, you whiny little suck-up?"
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"That'll play."
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"Don't open it! Please, don't open it!"
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"- I'm woozy. - You're fine."
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"Great shot, doctor!"
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"You see, I always say keep your friends close"
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"The rules are there for a reason."
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"the only rule was to do your best to help the patient."
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"is because I care about those patients."
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"Every one of 'em."
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"You've got a lot of potential, sport."
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"and you're going to be climbing the ladder very quickly."
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"Isn't that what you want?"
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"You have to sink this for the win, Cox."
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"Newbie, I almost forgot."
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"Now tell me, do you have the stones to sink a putt when you have to?"
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"That's true."
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"Almost one."
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"taking her down for a TIPS procedure."
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"Screw Cox."
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"- Not afraid of him, are you? - Hell, no!"
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"All righty, we're through here."
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"- Somebody call it. - Wait."
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"Hey. There's my buppy."
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"Did you just say ''buppy''?"
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"Cos that's not gonna work for me."
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"There's room to play by the rules and care about the patients."
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"I want her in the nursing home before she can gum down a single fruit cup."
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"That was when I realised how Dr Kelso truly saw these people."
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"with prerenal azotemia?"
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"Bag her."
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"I thought a really nice one would be a great gift,"
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"Yeah, there is."
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"And yet you tell me that your thoughtful token of love"
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"wasn't a token of love at all. It was an ass pen."
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"You come home and tell me this because being open and honest"
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"Are you coming or what?"
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"Hell, yeah."
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"It took me three hours to realise..."
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"I'm afraid I have an awful case of the gotta-see-'ems."
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"That's not even a real disease."
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"Come on. Yes, exposing yourself to a dead guy"
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"- I'm waiting for the ''but''. - So's everyone else."
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"When I look at you, I look at a doctor"
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"who will do whatever it takes to help a patient."
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"- Really? - Yeah, really."
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"It's way too big of a risk for a peon."
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"- So it was all a test. - Besides,"
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"- I already did it. - Cox!"
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"Run, Junior. Daddy's home."
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"Did you think I wouldn't find out what you did?"
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"- What did I do? - You insolent..."
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"I know it sounds melodramatic, but as I watched the two of them,"
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"they weren't battling for patients or insurance, but for my soul."
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"- She needed the TIPS... - I've got you this time."
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"I can taste it!"
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"The dark side versus the light."
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"I've been waiting for this moment all my life."
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"I'll teach you to respect this institution."
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"No!"
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"Well, sport. It looks like a permanent spot just opened up"
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"on the golf course."
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"How does joining the Chief of Medicine for a weekly round sound?"
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"I liked it better when he didn't know my name."
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"That's two."
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"- How you feeling, Jared? - OK, I guess."
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"What did you just say?"
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"- Don't say it. - I still think I was right."
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"Little bit of flow, like..."
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"You're cute."
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"He's pretending yesterday didn't happen. If he thinks I'll forgive him..."
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"Mrs Blitt over there needs the TIPS procedure, no insurance."
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"She can now look forward to a lifetime"
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"I fell on it."
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