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Clips from Night Court - The Former Harry Stone (S01E01)

"Any disembowelments tonight?"
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"Well, we think so, but he's not exactly a kid."
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"Thank you."
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"- I think he's about... - Say, here's a novel approach:"
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"That's what a spiritualist once told me, anyway."
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"I guess the judge is in his 20s."
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"I say he's close to 40."
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"- Hey, now, that sounds good to me. - Excuse me."
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"I really don't understand society's preoccupation with age in the first place."
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"I mean, you're only as old as you feel, right, Selma?"
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"- What's this? - The pool to guess Harry's age."
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"...so just put your initials in any empty square."
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"Second thoughts, Mr. McKenzie?"
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"...so naturally Mr. McKenzie wasn't too pleased..."
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"...bringing special attention to pages 53, 54..."
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"His criminal record."
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"I didn't know you when those were taken. I did it because I really needed the money."
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"All right!"
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"Jackie O., Studio 54."
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"- Go away, Craven. - Listen, I know I'm gonna get that file..."
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"From a legal standpoint, a juvenile file doesn't even exist."
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"- Like her. - Out."
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"- Maybe just a tiny peek. - Little, huh?"
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"...everybody's got something to hide, lady. That's what makes this country great."
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"Shocking, isn't it?"
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"Frankly, Judge Stone, I'm floored."
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"Gee, come on! Whatever happened to toaster ovens and blenders?"
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"A good newsman always protects his sources."
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"It was completely inadvertent."
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"Harry, you have to believe me that I had no idea I'd find this."
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"One way or another, I'm gonna find out what you did and print it."
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"Now, I might go a little easy on you if you cooperate."
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"I mean, it sounds dry, but it's very incriminating, and..."
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"- It was bound to come out sooner or later. - No, not forget it."
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"- Lana, please! - Really. And it's all my fault."
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"...making it impossible for me to continue to function effectively as a judge."
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"I mention that only because it seems germane to this case."
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"However Miss Guyer feels about having posed nude, it's done."
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"- I owned one of those once. - Did you? I didn't."
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"...but my foot slipped off the brake pedal, and..."
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"Believe me, in 20 minutes, I spent my time in hell."
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"...not too long after that, he just..."
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"...I found the defendant, Ronald McKenzie, guilty as charged..."
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"Harry?"
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""Things that are done, it is needless to speak about."
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"No."
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"You take it and..."
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"Well, I hate to bother you again, judge, but..."
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"Gee, Ronnie, I never heard you talk that way before."
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"So, what do you say, judge?"
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"Here you go, sir."
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"That's really a lovely thought, but I think maybe..."
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"I just wanna get to know you better."
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"- I do. - Really?"
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"- What? - What happened to love, honor and cherish?"
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"You may kiss the bride."
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"How about paper clips?"
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"Happy honeymoon!"
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"Sixth Avenue and 42nd Street."
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"Hey, hey, hey! Judge!"
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"Not that I know of, no."
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"Mutilation murders? Bizarre suicides?"
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"Nothing good on TV tonight, huh, Mr?"
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"- Craven. Al Craven. - Yeah."
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"With the Gazette. I did that big front-page story last week..."
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"...on the lady who fricasseed the poodle."
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"- AI Craven, the journalist. - Yeah."
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"You know, I really like it here in court. There's always a never-ending supply..."
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"Most people don't see the fun side of pain and suffering."
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"Right."
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"See you."
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"Cute kid, the judge."
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"- Is this seat taken? - Yes."
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"He doesn't even look old enough to use a razor."
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"Oh, and speaking of razors, you would be revolted..."
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"...at what I've seen a razor do to the human body."
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"Well, how old is he?"
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"I don't know. It's one of those things I never think about..."
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"...like "Is Pinky Lee still alive?""
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"I'm sure you gotta be a minimum age to be a judge."
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"No, you have to have been practicing law for at least 10 years."
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"- Why don't we ask him. Judge Stone. - Yo."
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"We were just talking, and we're a little curious. What is your age?"
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"Seems I have this very old soul."
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"The first couple hundred years are sort of a blur."
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"- I know how you feel. - Yeah."
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"- Bye. - See you."
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"...he has a few pages stuck together."
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"Wanna talk crazy?"
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"You read the piece I did about the guy who went berserk..."
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"...and turned his loved ones into lunchmeat?"
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"Well, you'll have to excuse me. All this lunch talk is making me hungry."
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"In dog years, maybe."
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"- I'll bet you 5 he's 28. - You're on."
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"- You got a bet. - You're both acting selfish."
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"Why don't we get a pool together so we can all play."
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"How are you gonna determine the winner if he won't tell his age."
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"We could saw him in half and count the rings."
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"No. Hey, it's gotta be a matter of public record..."
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"...like civil service forms or whatever, right, Lana?"
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"- Yeah. - Easily, Lana."
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"Oh, I suppose I could call downtown and get a look at his personnel file."
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"It's settled. I'll make up the sign-up sheet and we'll pick the ages we want."
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"- I'm in. - Good."
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"- I don't know. - Oh, it'll be fun."
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"That's the fun part."
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"That's vicious."
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"Thank you."
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"- Oh, yeah. - Now, there are still some good ages left..."
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"Don't press so hard."
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"You crushed my nib."
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"Sorry."
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"Keep it."
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"- What's the problem? - She's a slut."
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"- He's an animal. - Off the top of my head, marital problems?"
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"Not quite, Your Honor. They never finished the ceremony."
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"Ronald McKenzie, charged with destruction of church property..."
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"...and disorderly conduct in a house of worship."
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"- Kind of pushing your luck, aren't you? - Okay, so I got a little carried away."
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"A little? He knocked the candelabras over, smashed the flowers..."
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