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Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S05E05)

"MALORY: Lana, when I want you to talk, I will tell you, and"
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Nothing! ARCHER: Yeah, Lana."
Archer (2009)
"of cocaine! ARCHER: Yeah, La... Oh."
Archer (2009)
"like, twice as much cocaine! MALORY: Is this the part"
Archer (2009)
"where you tell me to look under my seat?"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: No, unfortunately we ran into some..."
Archer (2009)
"RAY: Archer, I swear to God! I will crash this plane right"
Archer (2009)
"into the goddamn ocean! ARCHER: I'll take my chances"
Archer (2009)
"(both grunting) RAY: Sorry, Cyril."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Ow. CYRIL: Oh, shut up."
Archer (2009)
"middle of the damn Everglades. RAY: Well, not within fuel"
Archer (2009)
"is that? RAY: Isaac goddamn Newton!"
Archer (2009)
"That's the only one in range, and we've only, barely, got"
Archer (2009)
"CYRIL: We can't land at a real airport!"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Why didn't you file a flight plan?!"
Archer (2009)
"That's like Airplane Stuff 101. CYRIL: Not when the airplane"
Archer (2009)
"is stolen and crammed full of guns and cocaine!"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Ah. I will concede that point."
Archer (2009)
"fuel-- we're heavy. CYRIL: What do you mean,"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Cyril, do not panic. Just get out."
Archer (2009)
"Cyril. You have nothing to live for."
Archer (2009)
"CYRIL: Get your hands off me. ARCHER: Okay, relax. Jesus."
Archer (2009)
"cocaine. ARCHER: What?! No!"
Archer (2009)
"I'm not telling Mother I lost the original hundred pounds"
Archer (2009)
"Plus, all this cocaine! Do you have any idea how mad"
Archer (2009)
"alternative is a belly-landing in a swamp filled with"
Archer (2009)
"difference? They're both cold-blooded"
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Excuse me? ARCHER: I meant the pain of"
Archer (2009)
"ly. MALORY: Uh-huh."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Anyway, right about then..."
Archer (2009)
"RAY: Okay, I can see the airstrip."
Archer (2009)
"CYRIL: Well, can we make it? RAY: Maybe, if you..."
Archer (2009)
"Why do you think it's marked on the chart, you idiot?"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: And what their reaction will be to three total"
Archer (2009)
"strangers showing up in their plane without their coke."
Archer (2009)
"CYRIL: They'll kill us! RAY: Well... maybe not."
Archer (2009)
"(Archer and Cyril shout) And that."
Archer (2009)
"general or...? MALORY: Ooh, this is"
Archer (2009)
"(slurps)"
Archer (2009)
"RAY: No, no, no, no, no! You're screwing the trim all to"
Archer (2009)
"glide ratio's maybe ten-to-one. But it's a lot less with the"
Archer (2009)
"(automatic gunfire) CYRIL: Yeah!"
Archer (2009)
"talking to when he gets like this."
Archer (2009)
"shut up! ARCHER: Wait, wait, wait,"
Archer (2009)
"wait, Cyril! CYRIL: What? Archer!"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Exciting, isn't it? (Cyril yelping)"
Archer (2009)
"(Archer chuckling) ARCHER: Oh, so, Cyril..."
Archer (2009)
"what I was gonna say was... maybe don't throw out all the"
Archer (2009)
"guns because you know what they say..."
Archer (2009)
"world's biggest dickhead, and inside your head there's a"
Archer (2009)
"million more dicks, like, uh, if you cut open a golf ball, only"
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: And so Gillette lands safely-- I'm sure there's a joke"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: I will if you shut your... mouth."
Archer (2009)
"(quietly): Okay, listen up. Say what you will about my"
Archer (2009)
"CYRIL: Completely nonexistent."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Are you done? RAY and CYRIL: Yes."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Good, because if there's one thing I'm good at,"
Archer (2009)
"the enemy with an assumed identity."
Archer (2009)
"RAY: Named Randy. ARCHER: Named shut up, it's"
Archer (2009)
"not always Randy. GILLETTE (chuckling): Oh, my"
Archer (2009)
"God. CYRIL: Always."
Archer (2009)
"Randy's awesome! And I'm the best in the world at"
Archer (2009)
"this, so shut up and follow my lead."
Archer (2009)
"SLATER: Anybody else in there?"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER (sighs): Because I didn't get shot with buckshot."
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Oh, my God. ARCHER: Yeah, I could've"
Archer (2009)
"beanbag. ARCHER: Medical fact, Cyril."
Archer (2009)
"If you get hit in the chest between heartbeats, you can die."
Archer (2009)
"Go ask Houdini. PAM (chuckling): Ask him"
Archer (2009)
"kind of looked ex-military, now that you mention it."
Archer (2009)
"Just call me Slater. And sorry about the beanbag."
Archer (2009)
"beanbag," you think Beanie Baby, not... internal bleeding."
Archer (2009)
"SLATER: Well, the door was shot off, and we didn't know who"
Archer (2009)
"you were. Still don't, I guess, formally,"
Archer (2009)
"SLATER: Rando. ARCHER: Yep."
Archer (2009)
"It's a mononym, like Cher. CYRIL: Pliny."
Archer (2009)
"means. What I don't know is who you"
Archer (2009)
"people are. ARCHER: Uh, I'm Rando-- I"
Archer (2009)
"McCracken brothers, Phil and Odie."
Archer (2009)
"SLATER: So why do you guys have my cocaine?"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Sorry. SLATER: What have you done"
Archer (2009)
"What, you're just not gonna answer?"
Archer (2009)
"cocaine and where the hell is Gomez, full goddamn stop!"
Archer (2009)
"Nice. Anyway, they called us in, uh,"
Archer (2009)
"Full stop? TOUGH GUY: Okay, this is the"
Archer (2009)
"last of it. The weight's good."
Archer (2009)
"We tested ten of the bricks. Looks like it's all here."
Archer (2009)
"SLATER: Well, either you guys are the shittiest coke thieves"
Archer (2009)
"fellas loaded. ARCHER: Yeah, now you're"
Archer (2009)
"talking. About something else entirely."
Archer (2009)
"you nerf-nuts think I was talking about getting drunk?"
Archer (2009)
"classic Rando. And don't worry, Calderon's good"
Archer (2009)
"SLATER (laughs): Classic Rando."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER (chuckles): Yeah, Rando's awesome."
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"your asses off. Good thing you're flying south,"
Archer (2009)
"SLATER: You do know where you're going, right?"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: I absolutely know where we're going."
Archer (2009)
"CYRIL: Yeah, back home to ask Mommy what to do."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Hey, shut up! CYRIL: You shut up!"
Archer (2009)
"LANA: So, you leave here with a bunch of the first load of"
Archer (2009)
"cocaine, which just mysteriously appeared at ISIS and that Malory"
Archer (2009)
"(others groaning) LANA: Sorry to break that up."
Archer (2009)
"I love Freaky Friday as much as the next gal,"
Archer (2009)
"but let's just press on, operating under the assumption that"
Archer (2009)
"one, or more likely both, of you are lying and that..."
Archer (2009)
"MALORY and ARCHER: Lana, I swear..."
Archer (2009)
"LANA (whistles): Pressing on. So then you stumble into another"
Archer (2009)
"bunch of cocaine in the jungle and then continue stumbling into"
Archer (2009)
"literally. PAM: Aww."
Archer (2009)
"CHERLENE: Lame. KRIEGER: Well, if we ever do,"
Archer (2009)
"they're all logy. LANA: Archer?"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: I don't know. I mean, it couldn't hurt, but..."
Archer (2009)
"LANA: Still talking about this."
Archer (2009)
"Not invading Quebec. ARCHER: Oh, yeah, then they"
Archer (2009)
"loaded the plane with the weapons, said we were heading"
Archer (2009)
"CYRIL: How could you not? ARCHER: I don't know, Cyril."
Archer (2009)
"Maybe I was busy saving your life once, and then you shot me."
Archer (2009)
"San Marcos. (Archer burps)"
Archer (2009)
"Sterling, it's a country in Central America."
Archer (2009)
"LANA: Because that thing's a hundred years old."
Archer (2009)
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