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Clips from The Office - Branch Wars (S04E04)

"Yes. Listen."
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"Um..."
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"You cannot tear Stanley from his family like this."
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"I'm pretty sure his family is coming with him."
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"No, his work family."
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"Look, this is very hard for me, but I am going to give you my best man."
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"You may have Toby."
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"You can train him. He's very, very smart and funny and charming."
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"You know, I can't do it. Toby is the worst."
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"That was a bluff. Listen, if you are going to poach one of my guys,"
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"I am going to poach one of yours."
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"Ooh. Goodbye, Michael."
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"Okay. Goodbye."
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"Wait! Wait! Karen!"
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"Could you transfer me to one of your salespeople, please? Your best one."
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"I have Ben Nugent on the line. He is the top salesman in Utica."
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"I am going to cut right to the chase here."
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"Do you like magic? Because I am a genie in a bottle"
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"and I am going to grant you three wishes,"
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"Aren't you the guy that hit the woman with your car?"
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"(SOFTLY) Get out."
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"Yeah. I also saved her life, but I guess that's not as grabby."
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"Everyone says Scranton branch is worse than Camden."
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"Didn't everyone from Stamford quit like immediately?"
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"No, I fired them and you're next."
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"So, what do you say?"
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"Seriously?"
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"MICHAEL: What is that guy talking about? Scranton is not lame."
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"Scranton is the cool, fun branch. We're like Animal House."
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"So what are you going to do? What are we going to do?"
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"We are going to make a monster sale is what we're going to do."
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"Yes, they did. Oh, yes they did and we are going to murder it."
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"You, me, Dwight are going to jump in my PT Cruiser, we are going to crush this sale."
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"We are going to prove... What the hell is that music?"
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"We need rock n' roll, Pam. Rock n' roll. All right?"
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"Oh, my God."
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"That's why people are leaving."
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"I..."
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"What? What? We did?"
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"Surprise! Yeah!"
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"Look at his face! Look at his face!"
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"MICHAEL: So psyched."
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"What are doing, Dwight? What are we doing?"
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"Oh, well, gee, Jim, I don't know. I guess there's no sales call today."
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"We are going on a panty raid to Utica is what we're doing."
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"No. We are going to make Karen wish"
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"that she had never been dumped by you."
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"Utica. Utica."
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"In your face! Yow!"
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"I can't believe you guys. I'm not going to go further piss off my ex-girlfriend."
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"Are you calling Karen? No, I'm not calling Karen."
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"What are you doing? Stop it! Dwight!"
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"No communication with the outside world, Jim."
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"Had to be done. It had to be done."
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"Well, that kind of sucks"
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"because it had all the photos of my brother's new baby on it."
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"So..."
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"Oh, that is too bad. Shoot."
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"You know what? I'm just going to call a cab from here."
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"Follow me. Come here. Here's what we brought."
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"We brought uniforms from the warehouse."
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"I brought Silly String."
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"Dwight brought gasoline and chunks of rubber to make stink bombs."
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"Or real bombs. No, no. Not real bombs."
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"Yeah, come on. It will be so bad ass."
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"Oh, maybe. I don't know. I don't know."
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"Yeah, it will. No, absolutely we're not doing this."
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"Come on. I already filled the bottles with the gas. It's going to be so bad ass."
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"Are you kidding me? We've been driving around with this in the trunk the whole time?"
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"MICHAEL: Teach her to offer Stanley more money."
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"So, the deal was Dwight doesn't blow anything up and I wear a costume."
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"So, why did you and Karen break up?"
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"Was it the sex? What?"
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"I mean, her body is awesome. Okay, you know what?"
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"Why don't we play that alphabet game that you were talking about?"
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"Okay, I will start. A."
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"(SINGING) A, my name is Alan and my wife's name is Alice"
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"We live in Alaska and we sell..."
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"Doesn't matter. I'm trying to think of what we can sell."
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"It doesn't matter."
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"What is that? That sound. The air conditioning leaking or something?"
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"That doesn't make sense. Couldn't be."
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"What is that?"
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"Dwight, are you peeing?"
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"I'm peeing in this empty can. Oh, my God!"
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"You said we couldn't make any more stops. I really had to go."
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"Michael, watch the road! Oh, God!"
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"That is just so disgusting! Pull over."
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"Can you imagine a life where all you have to do is summer in the Italian countryside?"
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"I know, right? I just want to go and look at art and swim in the Adriatic."
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"And spend time with George Emerson. That's what I would do."
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"I mean, he's the best male protagonist we've read, right?"
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"Totally. I mean, come on. Such a free spirit. What are you doing?"
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"Just came to discuss my favorite E.M. Forster novel."
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"I'm sorry, Andy, but this is a closed club."
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"The Finer Things Club is the most exclusive club in this office."
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"The Party Planning Committee is my backup and Kevin's band is my safety."
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"Sit here in the common area and read my book,"
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"All right, just know you're not in the Finer Things Club."
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"DWIGHT: Believe it."
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"Afro wig? Do you want the afro wig?"
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"No. Michael, I'm not leaving the car."
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"And if we have to defend ourselves, I will stab the security guard in the eye"
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"with a jumbo chalk. No. No, you won't do that. Nope."
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"Dwight, nothing with the eyes. Please?"
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"Okay, Jim."
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"PAM: I think it's interesting how Forster uses Italy"
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"and that also brought up themes of, you know, fate and coincidence"
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"in Edwardian times I thought was..."
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"And George's youthfulness, his freedom"
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"(MICROWAVE BEEPING) evokes feelings..."
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"What are you microwaving?"
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"Popcorn."
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"Why don't you use the microwave in the kitchen, Phyllis?"
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"So, Stanley, are you really out of here?"
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"Yeah. Looks that way."
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"You've been like an uncle to me. Like a kind old Uncle Remus."
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"MICHAEL ON RADIO: We are in the stairwell."
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"(DWIGHT PANTING)"
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"MICHAEL: There's a guy. There's a guy. DWIGHT: There's a security guard coming by."
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