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Clips from The Office - Branch Wars (S04E04)

"Okay. Bye."
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"MICHAEL: This is perfect."
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"I just thought you all should know that Stanley Hudson is planning on leaving us"
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"This is a horrible thing."
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"Why is she trying to take Stanley from us?"
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"The bluesy wisdom, the sassy remarks, the crossword puzzles,"
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"I don't know how George Bush did it when Colin Powell left."
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"they have another thing coming."
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"Money."
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"Oscar, did you bring it?"
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"Okay. Well, I have the tablecloth. Don't forget the flatware."
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"We meet once a month to discuss books and art, celebrate culture"
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"It's very exclusive."
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"Michael. Michael. To the left? To the right?"
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"(GROANING)"
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"(PHONE HANGS UP)"
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"Hi, Ben. Michael Scott. Hi, Michael."
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"(CHUCKLES)"
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"Found him! Jim! We're getting crapped on."
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"Word is our branch sucks and we have to do something about it."
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"Corcoran dropped Staples. Did they?"
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"It's Vivaldi. For Finer Things."
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"That's the problem. That's the problem."
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"What are we doing? Egg dripping."
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"We're going to Utica? Uh-huh!"
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"Utica! Utica! Utica! Utica! Utica! Utica!"
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"Okay. Hey, Dwight, he found it."
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"All right. You're going to miss the best prank ever."
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"All right. Wait, what are you planning on doing?"
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"Do you really want to know?"
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"Oh, God."
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"And a mustache."
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"I can't imagine the sex being bad."
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"Fine."
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"Why can't I be in the club?"
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"Oh, God. All right, Dwight? Yeah."
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"Here's how it's going to go down. You and I..."
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"(WHISPERING) Guy's going by. Shh."
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"You and I are going to sneak inside, pretend that we are warehouse workers."
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"Then I'll grind up the jumbo chalk and blow it in his eyes."
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"Oh, my God, that's her. That's her. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go."
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"to represent sexuality and passion"
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"and Lucy's torn between these two things."
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"It just..."
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"Someone needs to clean it. It smells like popcorn."
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"I'm going to miss you, man."
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"I want to stay in touch."
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"I am breathing heavily. Okay, you know what?"
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"You really don't need to be updating me as much as you're updating me."
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"DWIGHT: I can see the security guard's eyes."
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"No. No. Don't do anything to them."
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"Get the car ready, keep the engine running."
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"MICHAEL: (GRO ANING) My hip bone!"
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"DWIGHT: I'm losing control of my bladder!"
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"I cried for weeks over that guy, so yeah, seeing him climb out of a PT Cruiser"
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"as long as you keep trying to poach our people."
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"(WHISPERING) Dwight."
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"that we are willing to fight for them."
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"So you're still doing this kind of stuff, huh?"
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"I want to hear more about how happy you are with Pam."
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"and breaking my copier and telling me how well things are going in your relationship."
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"Here is a box for your things."
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"But I doubt that that box will be able to contain all the memories that"
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"Of course."
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"Really?"
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"How on Earth did Michael call my bluff? Is he some sort of secret genius?"
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"OSCAR: How does it end?"
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"KAREN: Yeah?"
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"Karen? He's on line 1."
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"Thanks, Ro."
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"Hey. We finally connected. How's Scranton?"
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"Turns out it's a pretty easy gig when your boss isn't an idiot"
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"and your boyfriend's not in love with somebody else."
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"Look, all I'm saying is it would be a great opportunity"
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"and we'd love to have you come aboard. So think about it, okay?"
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"Look, for the record, a certain Scranton salesman approached me, okay?"
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"This is a dummy, à la Ferris Bueller's Day Off."
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"We have tied a string to the wrist, which goes to the door."
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"When somebody opens the door, the hand goes down,"
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"(SNORING)"
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"hits the remote, turns on the tape recorder, which is me snoring."
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"Now, nobody knows whether I am here or whether I am gone."
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"I'll know. But you will not tell anyone."
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"I won't need to because we'll be together playing hooky."
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"(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Yes."
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"Oh, good, good. Stanley. First victim."
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"This is what I want you to do."
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"Go out, come back in. We're gonna hide."
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"I don't understand why sleeping at your desk"
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"is better than you not being here."
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"Just go out and come back in."
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"Hi, everyone, can I have your attention, please?"
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"because our old friend, Karen from Utica,"
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"is going to give him more money to work there."
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"DWIGHT: Okay. No. No, no, no!"
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"No! You completely misinterpreted my tone!"
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"Clearly, Karen is trying to get back at us because Jim dumped her."
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"Okay, well, smarty pants, then why?"
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"That could not possibly be it."
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"You cannot take the hilarious black guy from the office."
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"Stanley is part of what makes this branch so extraordinary."
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"the smile, those big, watery, red eyes."
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"And if Utica thinks that they are going to poach Stanley,"
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"How can I get you to stay? Money."
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"Yeah. We all want money."
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"But there is none in the budget. So,"
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"tell me why you're really leaving."
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"Mo' money, mo' problems, Stanley."
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"Sure thing, Pam. Can't wait."
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"in a very civilized way."
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"Sometimes the debate can get heated, but we're always respectful."
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"There is no paper, no plastic and no work talk allowed."
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"I would say the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me."
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"So tell me again why I can't be a part of your club?"
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"Because some people think that you"
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"monopolize the conversation by trying to be funny."
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"KAREN: (ON PHONE) Hello?"
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"Filippellers! How are they hanging?"
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"Listen, I'm... Okay, enough small talk. Go ahead."
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"You called me."
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