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Clips from Central Park - Hat Luncheon (S01E01)

"Hi. How are you? Don't answer. I should do the talking."
Central Park
"Lots of stuff going on,"
Central Park
"so allow me and my stringy little friend here to fill you in."
Central Park
"Remember when city councilman Leo Shallenhammer voted "no,""
Central Park
"and now they won't renew the Park League's contract? Drama."
Central Park
"No."
Central Park
"The city and the Park League Are they fighting? This is shady"
Central Park
"But Paige will crack the case 'Cause she's a journalism lady"
Central Park
"The end. Just kidding, there's more."
Central Park
"Even though the city's being A little dysfunctional"
Central Park
"The Park League is still putting on Their annual hat luncheon-al"
Central Park
"They pitch a huge white tent And it's all a big to-do"
Central Park
"Rich people in crazy hats That's white people for you"
Central Park
"The end. Just kidding. There's a little more."
Central Park
"The luncheon I just mentioned It has a keynote speaker"
Central Park
"To celebrate the retirement Of one of the groundskeepers"
Central Park
"It's kind of a big deal The mayor's gonna be there"
Central Park
"But the keynote speaker's Owen And speeching is his nightmare"
Central Park
"Owen's kinda cute when he's nervous, but yeah, this is hell for him."
Central Park
"Okay, I think that's it."
Central Park
"And the water's off in the castle"
Central Park
"Everyone in there smells pretty weird Right now"
Central Park
"-Go, go, go! -Did you call the plumber?"
Central Park
"Yeah, I called him."
Central Park
"Oh, well. No one promised us running water when you took this job."
Central Park
"That's right. No one mentioned it at all, but we dared to dream."
Central Park
"Okay, Leo Shallenhammer,"
Central Park
"where are you and why did you vote against the Park League?"
Central Park
"I mean, it makes no sense."
Central Park
"It's turning down free money. Who turns down free money?"
Central Park
"It happens. A tourist once offered me $5 to put a tiny vest on a squirrel,"
Central Park
"but wasn't the right vest."
Central Park
"Why? Color?"
Central Park
"-Too many buttons. -Tourists."
Central Park
"But, I mean, hopefully the stuff between the Park League and the city"
Central Park
"will just work itself out, he said, not at all terrified."
Central Park
"Nuh-uh. Something weird's going on. I can smell it."
Central Park
"It's probably me, 'cause a shower doesn't work at all without water."
Central Park
"B-T-dub, flushing is also tricky."
Central Park
"I'm gonna need a long serving fork, some gloves, and your prayers."
Central Park
"Oh, speaking of turds that just lay there, how's your speech going, Dad?"
Central Park
"Sorry. I'm dirty and grumpy."
Central Park
"The speech he's giving is about Merle Fowler,"
Central Park
"who's retiring after 47 years."
Central Park
"Owen is presenting him with the Golden Rake,"
Central Park
"the highest honor possible in the groundskeeping game."
Central Park
"You can use it as an actual rake, but it is frowned upon."
Central Park
"It's not going good, Molly. Thank you for asking."
Central Park
"Not going good at all. I hate speeches. So bad at this."
Central Park
"What? No."
Central Park
""You may say this is just another tennis court.""
Central Park
"Son of a bitch. Grab those cards!"
Central Park
""So, when workers cut through this rock,"
Central Park
"which is called Manhattan schist, they cut through it using boring machines.""
Central Park
"He's a boring machine."
Central Park
""And because there were no labor unions--""
Central Park
"He's a labor union."
Central Park
"What's funny about that?"
Central Park
"He's funny about that."
Central Park
"You just haven't had a good audience."
Central Park
"Are they gonna have fancy ice cream at the hat luncheon again this year?"
Central Park
"The hat luncheon has good ice cream. Really good ice cream. So good--"
Central Park
"I don't know. Probably."
Central Park
"Describe it to me, in detail."
Central Park
"-I'm assuming it'll be cold and creamy. -Yes."
Central Park
"Hey, kids, help your mom out."
Central Park
"I wanna try and find a guy using social media."
Central Park
"You and Dad couldn't make it work?"
Central Park
"No, I'm trying to stalk this city councilman."
Central Park
"He's been dodging me all week."
Central Park
"So I'm thinking if I show up wherever he is"
Central Park
"on an easy-breezy Saturday morning, start chatting... Boom! I get a quote."
Central Park
"-What's his name and how old is he? -Leo Shallenhammer, and he's about my age."
Central Park
"Facebook."
Central Park
"Yes! That's my Leo."
Central Park
"Getting a schvitz at Seoulshevik's Spa."
Central Park
"He just posted that."
Central Park
"A Korean-Russian spa?"
Central Park
"Yeah, they have communal baths, they hit you with branches..."
Central Park
"You know what? I'm gonna go down there right now."
Central Park
"I'm gonna have a schvitz and get a quote."
Central Park
"-Is a schvitz like a shower? -Schvort of."
Central Park
"-Then I'm going too. -You kids have fun."
Central Park
"When's the last time you had a shower?"
Central Park
"-When did we lose water? -7:00 this morning."
Central Park
"-A week ago. -You're going."
Central Park
"Great. We're gonna have a schvitz, I'm gonna use my wits."
Central Park
"And Cole's gonna wash his tits."
Central Park
"-They get a shower, I get a scoop. -And I get to flush my poop."
Central Park
"Okay, we should stop rhyming."
Central Park
"You sure you're okay taking the kids while you're working?"
Central Park
"Yeah. All the best journalists take their kids on assignment."
Central Park
"I wish I had your confidence. Can we switch bodies?"
Central Park
"You do the hat luncheon speech and I be the hot lady reporter?"
Central Park
"Honey, remember, don't think about failure."
Central Park
"Think about the future, when you finish the speech"
Central Park
"and everyone's clapping because you did great."
Central Park
"Kids, grab your bathing suits, your MetroCards,"
Central Park
"-and a positive attitude. -Yay!"
Central Park
"Come on, kids, here we go There's a lead to pursue"
Central Park
"And your mama needs a comment And she's gonna come through"
Central Park
"Mom, we're really proud of you You're hot on the chase"
Central Park
"But check your fly"
Central Park
"What is that on your face?"
Central Park
"I'll get the truth, 'cause I'm a sleuth Come on and see"
Central Park
"'Cause Mama's got this, Mama's got this"
Central Park
"Sorry if I spit on you Your mama's got this"
Central Park
"Mama's got this, Mama's got this"
Central Park
"This journalist just can't resist"
Central Park
"Your mama's got this"
Central Park
"Life gives you lemons So you take 'em in stride"
Central Park
"If you get the lemons talking There's a story inside"
Central Park
"Your metaphors are messy But you're still the top"
Central Park
"Now, back on the train 'Cause this isn't our stop"
Central Park
"Be aware, we're almost there So wait and see"
Central Park
"'Cause Mama's got this, Mama's got this"
Central Park
"Oops, forgot deodorant."
Central Park
"We think our mama's got this"
Central Park
"Mama's got this, Mama's got this"
Central Park
"Mom's looking like a boss"
Central Park
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