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Clips from Family Guy - The Lois Quagmire (S20E20)

"Hey, I heard your guitar got stolen,"
Family Guy
"so I swiped you a new one from the evidence locker."
Family Guy
"It used to belong to Martin Shkreli."
Family Guy
"Surprisingly soulful balladeer."
Family Guy
"Okay, fine, you can play me a song to thank me."
Family Guy
"Hmm, I'm hearing a little Clapton"
Family Guy
"mixed with hearing loss from going to the gun range too much."
Family Guy
"We're one short on the suspect lineup."
Family Guy
"Know anyone who could fill in?"
Family Guy
"JOE (over speaker): Well, the perpetrator was doing a highly-choreographed routine"
Family Guy
"during the assault, so number three,"
Family Guy
"please step forward and perform the zombie dance"
Family Guy
"from "Thriller.""
Family Guy
"MEG (muffled): Oh, come on."
Family Guy
"JOE: Five, six, seven, eight."
Family Guy
"♪ ♪"
Family Guy
"Whew. That was close."
Family Guy
"I'm glad to be done delivering to places"
Family Guy
"that are too risky to walk a dead body into."
Family Guy
"What's next?"
Family Guy
"The cadaver dog training facility."
Family Guy
"(exclaims)"
Family Guy
"(dogs barking)"
Family Guy
"I've been waiting for you, Georgie."
Family Guy
"I haven't eaten all day."
Family Guy
"♪ ♪"
Family Guy
"The pizza guy's having a secret affair."
Family Guy
"Oh, to be single and dead again, huh, Chris?"
Family Guy
"Last stop."
Family Guy
"I ordered another pizza."
Family Guy
"Thank you all for coming tonight."
Family Guy
"On your way out, please take a complementary au pair."
Family Guy
"And, of course, au pair is French for "with jugs.""
Family Guy
"Your husband is remarkable."
Family Guy
"I am hereby changing his designation"
Family Guy
"from "charming" to "a triumph.""
Family Guy
"Hear, hear."
Family Guy
"Before you, the one who'd done the best in our group was Joan."
Family Guy
"She was married to a functioning alcoholic."
Family Guy
"All our husbands were Christmas suicides."
Family Guy
"Well, what can I say? I'm a lucky woman."
Family Guy
"By the way, Lois, when we get back to our room,"
Family Guy
"you can choose the streaming service we watch tonight."
Family Guy
"Even Crackle?"
Family Guy
"Eh, even Crackle."
Family Guy
"Oh, thanks for being a great husband tonight."
Family Guy
"I mean, when you got that standing ovation"
Family Guy
"for comparing the estate tax to the Holocaust,"
Family Guy
"I felt like the belle of the ball."
Family Guy
"I really enjoyed spending time with you, too."
Family Guy
"- So... - So..."
Family Guy
"He's a good guy. Let him down easy."
Family Guy
"When he goes for the kiss, just tell him that..."
Family Guy
"Rose Byrne! That's the actress"
Family Guy
"I was trying to remember earlier!"
Family Guy
"Always good but never a star."
Family Guy
"Okay, I'll text Bonnie about that later."
Family Guy
"♪ ♪"
Family Guy
"I want you..."
Family Guy
"to meet the cocktail waitress I'm about to sleep with."
Family Guy
"What?"
Family Guy
"This is Jenna. You might remember her boobs"
Family Guy
"from hovering over your shoulder while pouring wine."
Family Guy
"I know I do."
Family Guy
"(Jenna moaning)"
Family Guy
"I remember you. You're the lady"
Family Guy
"who moved her chair four times because of the air conditioning"
Family Guy
"and then asked the band if they could play a little quieter."
Family Guy
"Two maracas. We get it-- you like to shake stuff."
Family Guy
"But don't upstage the entrées."
Family Guy
"Anyway, we're taking off now. Enjoy Crackle."
Family Guy
"I-I can't believe this."
Family Guy
"Well, I guess I could always go down to the business center"
Family Guy
"and get passively hit on by all the losers."
Family Guy
"All right, that's one ticket."
Family Guy
"Economy plus. (chuckles softly)"
Family Guy
"Checking bags."
Family Guy
"Several."
Family Guy
"Okay, and print."
Family Guy
"And... time to go home."
Family Guy
"I'm not staying here. I just don't own a printer."
Family Guy
"Oh, look who decided to show up."
Family Guy
"Hey, Lois. That was some night."
Family Guy
"You'll be happy to know I was able to perform"
Family Guy
"on a four-inch-thick futon in front of three roommates."
Family Guy
"You know, the hotel sent champagne up for us last night."
Family Guy
"Oh, why didn't you send it to me and Jenna?"
Family Guy
"Well, no sense wasting it."
Family Guy
"(sighs): Ah..."
Family Guy
"Hey, did you end up working out in the morning"
Family Guy
"like you said you were gonna?"
Family Guy
"What was it, 40 minutes cardio, then a Pilates class?"
Family Guy
"Did you do both of those?"
Family Guy
"No, I didn't do both of those."
Family Guy
"- So just one? - I did neither of them."
Family Guy
"Ouch. Well, thanks again for inviting me."
Family Guy
"This has been fun."
Family Guy
"First pee afterwards."
Family Guy
"Whoa!"
Family Guy
"(chuckles) Lois, I'm using all the towels."
Family Guy
"(classical music playing)"
Family Guy
"- ♪ ♪ - (indistinct conversations)"
Family Guy
"...and then I said, "Not today, geese,""
Family Guy
"and I landed that passenger plane on the Hudson."
Family Guy
"As someone who didn't watch the news in 2009"
Family Guy
"and doesn't care for Tom Hanks films,"
Family Guy
"that is the most riveting story I have ever heard."
Family Guy
"Ladies and gentleman, this is your brunch captain speaking."
Family Guy
"It's gonna be a bumpy ride, 'cause..."
Family Guy
"I'm making mimosas."
Family Guy
"Only thing bumpy around here"
Family Guy
"is that strained airplane metaphor."
Family Guy
"What is this, Mutters Against Drunk Driving?"
Family Guy
"Lois, have a drink."
Family Guy
"Ladies, I took the liberty of requesting our meal"
Family Guy
"be soy-free, meat-free, gluten-free,"
Family Guy
"dairy-free, cage-free, carb-free and cruelty-free."
Family Guy
"And then I snuck you each a cinnamon bun,"
Family Guy
"because all that other stuff's for Democrats."
Family Guy
"Oh, he's wonderful."
Family Guy
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