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Clips from Family Guy - The Lois Quagmire (S20E20)

Lois, where did you find him?

"Lois, where did you find him?"

Family Guy

Oh, you think he's so wonderful?

"Oh, you think he's so wonderful?"

Family Guy

Last night he screwed the cocktail waitress.

"Last night he screwed the cocktail waitress."

Family Guy

(all gasp)

"(all gasp)"

Family Guy

(sobbing)

"(sobbing)"

Family Guy

I'm sorry, ladies. I have deceived you.

"I'm sorry, ladies. I have deceived you."

Family Guy

So I'll just collect my free au pair.

"So I'll just collect my free au pair."

Family Guy

And one for my wife.

"And one for my wife."

Family Guy

And I'll be on my way.

"And I'll be on my way."

Family Guy

- What is your problem? - Get away from me.

"- What is your problem? - Get away from me."

Family Guy

What's going on with you?

"What's going on with you?"

Family Guy

I thought I made such a good impression.

"I thought I made such a good impression."

Family Guy

- We had those ladies fooled. - Just leave me alone, Glenn.

"- We had those ladies fooled. - Just leave me alone, Glenn."

Family Guy

I did exactly what you wanted. I didn't make a move.

"I did exactly what you wanted. I didn't make a move."

Family Guy

I didn't even come close.

"I didn't even come close."

Family Guy

(groans) That's the problem.

"(groans) That's the problem."

Family Guy

You wanted me to?

"You wanted me to?"

Family Guy

Well, I... I wanted you to try.

"Well, I... I wanted you to try."

Family Guy

I wanted you to try.

"I wanted you to try."

Family Guy

Then I could shoot you down and feel sexually desirable

"Then I could shoot you down and feel sexually desirable"

Family Guy

and morally superior.

"and morally superior."

Family Guy

But you're both those things.

"But you're both those things."

Family Guy

Yeah, you say that now,

"Yeah, you say that now,"

Family Guy

but last night you were out boinking that waitress.

"but last night you were out boinking that waitress."

Family Guy

Now, how do you think that made me feel, huh?

"Now, how do you think that made me feel, huh?"

Family Guy

It made me feel like my best years are behind me.

"It made me feel like my best years are behind me."

Family Guy

Well, that's not true at all. I didn't make a move on you

"Well, that's not true at all. I didn't make a move on you"

Family Guy

because you're my best friend's wife.

"because you're my best friend's wife."

Family Guy

That... that is true.

"That... that is true."

Family Guy

Besides, you know me.

"Besides, you know me."

Family Guy

I'm not a one-gal guy.

"I'm not a one-gal guy."

Family Guy

Last night I was with Jenna for only four hours,

"Last night I was with Jenna for only four hours,"

Family Guy

and I cheated on her with the woman

"and I cheated on her with the woman"

Family Guy

who was fixing the ice machine.

"who was fixing the ice machine."

Family Guy

Hands were a little cold, but we got there.

"Hands were a little cold, but we got there."

Family Guy

I used that ice.

"I used that ice."

Family Guy

Hopefully before 2:30 a. m.

"Hopefully before 2:30 a. m."

Family Guy

Look, if you wanted a decent guy

"Look, if you wanted a decent guy"

Family Guy

who's only been into you and only you,

"who's only been into you and only you,"

Family Guy

you should have brought Peter.

"you should have brought Peter."

Family Guy

You know what? You're right.

"You know what? You're right."

Family Guy

So what if he drinks too much?

"So what if he drinks too much?"

Family Guy

So what if he weighs too much?

"So what if he weighs too much?"

Family Guy

So what if he thinks Scrappy-Doo is the better Doo?

"So what if he thinks Scrappy-Doo is the better Doo?"

Family Guy

He's a loyal husband and a good man.

"He's a loyal husband and a good man."

Family Guy

Oh, I should never have been embarrassed to bring him.

"Oh, I should never have been embarrassed to bring him."

Family Guy

And I shouldn't need the attention of another man

"And I shouldn't need the attention of another man"

Family Guy

- to feel sexy and young. - That's right.

"- to feel sexy and young. - That's right."

Family Guy

Hey, why don't we continue our discussion in the shower?

"Hey, why don't we continue our discussion in the shower?"

Family Guy

A little wet-à-tête.

"A little wet-à-tête."

Family Guy

(gasps) How dare you?

"(gasps) How dare you?"

Family Guy

And thank you.

"And thank you."

Family Guy

All right, Lois is gonna be home soon,

"All right, Lois is gonna be home soon,"

Family Guy

so we got to fix this now.

"so we got to fix this now."

Family Guy

Why don't we just shove him in the sewer,

"Why don't we just shove him in the sewer,"

Family Guy

let the clowns have at him?

"let the clowns have at him?"

Family Guy

I'm good with anything that keeps Pennywise off my jock.

"I'm good with anything that keeps Pennywise off my jock."

Family Guy

Sounds like a plan.

"Sounds like a plan."

Family Guy

Hold on, Peter. This feels wrong.

"Hold on, Peter. This feels wrong."

Family Guy

We can't just dump him facedown into raw sewage

"We can't just dump him facedown into raw sewage"

Family Guy

without saying a few words.

"without saying a few words."

Family Guy

You're right, Brian.

"You're right, Brian."

Family Guy

I'll do the honors.

"I'll do the honors."

Family Guy

It feels like just yesterday

"It feels like just yesterday"

Family Guy

when he came into our lives carrying a pizza we bought.

"when he came into our lives carrying a pizza we bought."

Family Guy

I always loved how he looked around the house

"I always loved how he looked around the house"

Family Guy

a little too much while I was

"a little too much while I was"

Family Guy

digging the money out of my wallet.

"digging the money out of my wallet."

Family Guy

And who can forget his license plate number:

"And who can forget his license plate number:"

Family Guy

7-G-something-something-5.

"7-G-something-something-5."

Family Guy

More sweat than you're used to seeing on a fella,

"More sweat than you're used to seeing on a fella,"

Family Guy

but that's what moisture-wicking shirts are for.

"but that's what moisture-wicking shirts are for."

Family Guy

His nails were dirty, but his heart was pure.

"His nails were dirty, but his heart was pure."

Family Guy

Okay, time to drop him in a river of dung.

"Okay, time to drop him in a river of dung."

Family Guy

He's stuck!

"He's stuck!"

Family Guy

Oh, crap, it's Lois.

"Oh, crap, it's Lois."

Family Guy

Peter, what the hell is going on?

"Peter, what the hell is going on?"

Family Guy

You ordered pizza, didn't you?

"You ordered pizza, didn't you?"

Family Guy

- Yes, ma'am. - Oh, I don't care.

"- Yes, ma'am. - Oh, I don't care."

Family Guy

I love you, Peter.

"I love you, Peter."

Family Guy

Mm.

"Mm."

Family Guy

And I have a confession for you:

"And I have a confession for you:"

Family Guy

I went to my high school reunion this weekend,

"I went to my high school reunion this weekend,"

Family Guy

and I didn't invite you.

"and I didn't invite you."

Family Guy

What?

"What?"

Family Guy

Thank you. Oh, thank you!

"Thank you. Oh, thank you!"

Family Guy