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Clips from Cheers - Let Me Count the Ways (S01E01)

"- Hello, everyone. - Hi, Diane."
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"I am in a wonderful mood today."
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"I spent the weekend at an lndian film festival."
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"It left me euphoric."
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"I love lndian films. Remember Fort Apache?"
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"Just thinking about it makes the hair on my arms go up. Look!"
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"No, Coach, we're not talking about American Indians."
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"I can make the hair on my arms stand up any time I want. See?"
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"Carla!"
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"Think that's something? Cathy Settudicato, from St Clete's,"
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"belched the whole 23rd Psalm at the talent show once."
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"That's good, but I knew this guy, Randy Evans, first baseman,"
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"he could make his eyeballs vibrate. I always wanted to."
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"- Randy Evans? Who'd he play for? - Mostly the Cleveland lndians."
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"Speaking of Indians, remember Fort Apache? Just thinking of it..."
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"Go, bumps!"
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"- Hi, Sam. - How are you, Marshall?"
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"- How's everything at school? - Fine."
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"- Could I have a beer, please? - Of course, Marshall."
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"Marshall, good to see you, sexy."
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"- Hi, Carla. - So, how you doing?"
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"My uric acid is up to seven-point-five."
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"That explains that twinkle in your eye."
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"Diane, this is Marshall. Marshall, Diane."
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"- Hi, Marshall. - You'll love this kid, Diane."
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"Very smart. Teaches at a college."
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"- MlT. - See? He can spell good, too."
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"Marshall teaches a subject I know nothing about."
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"Could you narrow that down a bit?"
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"- I'm in cybernetics. - Right!"
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"The more we learn about cybers, the better we can control 'em."
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"Why did you get into computers?"
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"I enjoy integrating formerly unassociated supporting elements"
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"to maximise a probability ratio"
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"by interweaving the input data."
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"Watch it, Marshall, I'm heatin' up!"
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"Marshall can make his computer do incredible things."
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"Write poetry, play games, make predictions on elections, sports."
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"Sounds like fun."
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"You got any hot tips for us, Marshall?"
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"The Celtics will lose today."
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"Watch your tongue, Marshall."
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"No, let me show you. Take a look at this."
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"Can't argue with that, Sam."
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"You see, this shows correlation between the Celtics' win-loss record"
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"and the relative activity of the Van Allen radiation belt."
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"Isn't that the one that Buster Crabbe wears on TV?"
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"I know it sounds a little crazy,"
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"but just by coincidence,"
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"I noticed that the days the belt is in a state of flux,"
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"the Celtics are always beaten."
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"Are you sure? Your computer wouldn't be pulling your leg?"
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"No, my computer never kids, Sam."
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"He appreciates a good joke, but he never tells one."
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"- Mind if I borrow this for a while? - Sure."
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"- Thanks. - I have to go now."
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"- So long. - Bye. See you, Carla."
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"Don't break too many hearts, Marshall."
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"I get around you, and my testosterone goes up 78 percent."
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"Do you really find me attractive?"
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"I love a stylish guy."
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"You've got the new wet look."
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"Your hair, your palms..."
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"Coach?"
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"When was the last time you had a sure thing?"
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"- Rosie McGonagle. - No, Coach."
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"I'm talking about betting against the Celtics."
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"Sam, you can't do that!"
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"Come on, Marshall's never wrong."
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"We've never bet against a Boston team. We've never done that."
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"I know."
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"Think hard about this. All our customers'll turn against us."
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"I know, they'd never forgive us."
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"They'd hate us for the rest of our lives."
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"Of course, we're not gonna live forever, are we?"
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"I'll get it down."
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"We can't let any of the boys know about this. It's gotta be quiet."
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"I can't even remember what we were talking about."
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"Sam, we were talking about betting against the Celtics!"
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"Yeah, thanks. Thanks."
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"I worry about him."
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"- Afternoon, everybody. - Norm!"
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"- Norman. - What's doing, Norm?"
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"Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst."
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"I happen to be the guinea pig."
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"- Oh, boy. - Rough day?"
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"Yeah. Vera read a woman's magazine over the weekend"
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"about putting romance back in your marriage."
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"You're in trouble."
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"She says I gotta act like we're courting."
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"I got to call her up for a date, buy flowers, take her someplace fancy."
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"- Sounds good. - I'm a romantic guy."
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"I go to the corner, use the payphone, call her up,"
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"she turns me down. Who needs it?"
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"Game time, Sammy."
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"Turn on the set, pour me a beer and let's start dribbling."
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"How you doin', Coach?"
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"Cheers. Diane's busy at the moment. Can I say who's calling?"
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"Her mother? A pleasure to meet you, Mrs Chambers."
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"I'm Sam Malone."
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"Yeah? She mentioned me?"
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"No, I'm not scratching myself at the moment."
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"Yeah, hold on a second, I'll get her for you."
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"Diane, it's your mother."
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"Take it from me, you're not adopted."
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"Thank you. Mommy?"
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"What?"
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"Oh, no!"
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"No."
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"I'll be alright."
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"I'll call you back later, OK?"
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"- Elizabeth is dead. - Gee, Diane, that's awful."
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"A member of your family?"
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"Elizabeth Barrett Browning. She was our family cat."
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"Cat? You scared us, Diane."
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"You should've said that right off the bat."
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"Diane, did you spend a lot of time with the cat?"
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"Well, since I left home, I've only seen her in the holidays."
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"Too bad."
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"Alright, we got tip-off time here."
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