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Clips from Arrested Development - Justice Is Blind (S01E01)

"- That's right. - Right."
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"After an evening of drinking, Michael, being the sensible one..."
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"offered to give Maggie a ride home."
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"Oh-ho!"
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"The next morning, Michael was wondering..."
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"how to end his first one-night stand."
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"- Coffee? - Hi. Yes, please. Thank you. That's great."
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"But you know what? I am going to have to read that plea soon, okay? 'Cause it's a big case."
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"But I promise later I will call..."
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"Michael struggled to follow Gob's instruction tojust walk away."
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"I'll... I'll... I'll call, okay? All right?"
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"- Hey. Who's this? - Oh, that's Justice."
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"- Hi, Justice. - Hi, Justice. Is he as handsome as he smells?"
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"I didn't... I didn't know that you had a dog."
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"- How else am I gonna get to work? - You ride a dog to work?"
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"You are funny. Let me see that smile."
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"Well, it's tough with your hands in the way."
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"- Say when. - Okay."
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"And suddenly, Michael recalled some non sequiturs from the night before."
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"So, tell me something personal about yourself."
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"Uh, well, I have an irreversible case of ocular retinoblastoma."
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"Hey. I thought we said no more law talk."
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"I really can't see anybody right now."
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"Oh, well, I can't see anybody ever."
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"- I'm blind. - I'm wasted."
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"Michael realized that the woman he was attempting to never see again was blind..."
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"and he was overcome with guilt."
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"- When... can we go out again? - Really?"
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"I thought you were, like, just into this one-night stand kind of thing."
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"Come on. I took a blind woman home with no intention of dating her again?"
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"Please!"
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"George Sr. was continuing to exploit his relationship with Cindi."
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"What... What evidence does the government have..."
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"on old wise George, by the way?"
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"Oh, I hate it when you call yourself old!"
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"- You're new to me! - Oh, that's... that's nice."
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"Do they have a... a file or tapes?"
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"Oh, what's the use? You're married."
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"- Yeah. Let me ask you... - We'll never be together."
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"- Let me ask you a question. - Let's just go back to what we do best."
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"- Okay. - Tweak me."
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"- George! - Lucille!"
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"Hi. Uh, this is not what it looks like."
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"It looks like you're tweaking her nipples through a chain-link fence."
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"- Yep. Yeah, that's it. - Is this why you wanted to fight this thing?"
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"So you could run off with this great redwood of a whore?"
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"Listen to me. She is a fan of mine."
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"She has seen everything I've done. You understand? Everything."
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"Well, so have I..."
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"and I'm not going to put up with it anymore."
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"- Okay. - You'll be hearing from Barry."
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"All right. Hon? Honey? Hon?"
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"- Oh, God. I'm a home-wrecker. - Oh, no."
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"- I never wanted to be that person. - No, no."
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"No. No, Cindi, it's... Cindi?"
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"Michael came home upset that his one-night stand wasn't over."
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"You should have stayed with me last night."
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"You could have seen me get some major action from a major blonde..."
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"who just majored in marine biology, if you know what I mean."
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"I don't know what you mean. I can't imagine what that means."
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"- I actually had a pretty interesting night myself. - Really?"
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"- What'd you do, read the plea? - No, I didn't have a chance to. I went home with someone."
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"- What's wrong with her? - Nothing's wrong with her."
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"- She's blind. - Are you serious?"
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"I didn't know at the time. And now I've got to take her and her dog to the park."
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"You've got work to do. You've got to read that plea."
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"I know. That's what I was trying to do last night when you put me up to all this."
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"- No, I didn't. - Yes, you did."
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"I told you to walk away. I told you to give a fake name."
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"I did. Thanks very much. I'm Chareth Cutestory, a pirate lawyer."
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"- It was airtight. - Boy, you had to work hard to bag this blind girl, huh?"
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"- I certainly can't take advantage of her now, knowing what I know. - What? No."
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"Michael, you can! Don't you..."
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"You've just won the gold medal at the sexual Special Olympics!"
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"She can't ever find you again. Don't you see that you're so lucky?"
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"- God! How do you not s... - What's the matter with you?"
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"- Didn't you bag some woman you're never going to see again? - Well, I screwed up."
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"I broke a couple of my own rules last night."
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"She knows that I'm Gob Bluth..."
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"and we got married and I just..."
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"- What? - Well, she was a darer."
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"She's one of those girls who just dares you to do things."
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"- You married her? - I needed a dare!"
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"What had started as an innocent flirtation..."
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"had turned into a series of escalating challenges."
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"Unfortunately, the evening was draining..."
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"and the one thing they never dared each other to do was consummate the marriage."
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"Well, guess it's time to seal the deal."
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"Oh, wait! What time is it? Oh, God! Seal the deal."
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"My seal deal! I gotta get to Sea Land."
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"I'm selling five of their sickest seals to a third-world zoo."
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"- Did you say seals? - Yes! I told you four hours ago, I sell seals!"
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"God! Do you ever listen to what I say?"
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"I'm sorry I don't memorize every word that comes out of your mouth."
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"Sometimes I just like to think... think my thoughts."
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"We'll talk about this when I get home."
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"It was hot."
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"Boy, the lengths you'll go to sleep with a woman."
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"Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night."
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"- But he really didn't. - Yes, I did."
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"And later, Michael arrived for his date."
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"- Hey! - I'm so sorry that I'm late."
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"- I thought I smelled you coming. - Mm. Yeah, here I am."
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"I thought so. Did you smell him?"
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"- Did you smell the handsome man, Justice? - Handsome."
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"- You don't have any evidence of handsome. - Well, that's true."
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"But I can feel handsome."
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"- Mmm. - That feels handsomey."
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"- Mmm. - That feels handsomey."
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"So you didn't get a case ofI just had a one-night stand with a blind girl-itus?"
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"No, of course not. One-night stand? Please!"
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"This is our second date now. And I wanna see..."
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"And I wanna see you again tonight, so, um..."
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"if it's a one-night stand, I'm not very good at it."
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"But now, listen, aren't you busy with the trial?"
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"Um, yes, of course. I'm very, very busy. But not too busy for you."
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"Not too busy for a little walk right now maybe."
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"I'll be your Seeing Eye dog. What do you think?"
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"- Okay? - Oh. Should we leaveJustice here?"
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"Um, yes. He'll be fine, won't you, boy? Huh?"
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