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Clips from Ned Rifle

"remarkably incriminating correspondence between The"
Ned Rifle
"Vatican and the Spanish king from the early 16th Century."
Ned Rifle
"No one's ever thought to put it all in order."
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"Some local antiquarian died, and his moronic heirs donated"
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"it to this place."
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"Imagine."
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"You don't recognize me?"
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"No. Should I?"
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"I'm your son."
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"Listen, kid, I have lots of offspring."
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"They're, you know, legion."
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"You gotta do better than that."
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"I'm Ned."
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"Fay's kid."
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"Yeah."
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"I suppose you've come to kill me."
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"I hear she's got a life sentence."
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"No parole, all that."
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"Why did she come looking for me?"
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"She thought your life was in danger, people were trying"
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"to kill you."
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"You should've talked her out of it."
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"She thought she was doing it for my sake."
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"For your sake?"
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"Yeah, like, I needed a father figure or something."
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"I'm a wanted criminal, a known felon, a murderer."
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"I mean, I'm not apologizing,"
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"but really, I know why."
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"I mean, really, why."
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"I hope I don't offend you, son, but your mother has very"
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"complicated, perverse, and deeply repressed sexual needs"
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"which, I, in my generosity, was able to intuit and satisfy."
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"She's never gotten over it."
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"Sue me. You gonna drink that?"
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"You, as it turns out, are the fruit of that liberation."
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"A son of the devil."
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"You've been talking with Dr. Ford."
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"Listen, Ned--can I call you Ned?"
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"I've got these mercenary quacks by the cojones like"
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"nobody's business."
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"I mean, really, these guys are"
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"stinking of sin. You?"
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"I am, in fact, suffering certain,"
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"definite side effects from this amalgamation of chemicals"
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"they were feeding me, the constituent elements"
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"of which are not even--"
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"Did you see that?"
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"No."
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"The point is, this is not really a bad place."
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"What with the library here, and the park and the regular"
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"meals, all I've got to do is pretend I'm insane once or"
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"twice a week and tell them this cock-and-bull story"
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"about being the devil or whatever."
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"This cache of Renaissance lit has provided me"
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"with a treasure trove of dates and places and names."
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"These assholes are terrified."
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"[ Book hits floor ]"
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"Look, mom wants me to get you out of here"
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"and bring you home."
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"Home?"
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"How can we have a home when she's in prison the rest of her life?"
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"She wants me, you, and Uncle Simon to live nearby and go"
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"visit her all the time."
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"I'm sorry, I'll do anything for Fay,"
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"but I can't live with Simon."
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"That man is a disgrace."
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"A publisher has paid her to write her autobiography."
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"She wants your help."
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"Really?"
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"Yeah, she said so herself that Simon couldn't have written"
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"a thing if not for you."
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"Well, that's right."
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"Exactly, that ungrateful climber, and now with this"
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"blog and the sketch comedy, where will it end?"
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"It hurts to witness this."
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"Who does he think he is? Jerry Lewis?"
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"I've got--wait a minute. Hold on."
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"Fuck."
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"I've got a passage in here somewhere about, you know,"
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"about Simon's passive- aggressive will to power,"
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"and here it is."
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"No, well, it's not about Simon, but it pertains."
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"Anyway, I need someone to help me get all this in order."
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"Can you type?"
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"No. So are you coming?"
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"How will we get there?"
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"I am, as it were, a wanted man."
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"We'll drive."
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"Cross-country?"
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"Yeah."
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"Will the young lady be coming?"
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"Probably."
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"Is she your girlfriend?"
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"We're just friends."
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"I'm warning you, kid, exteriors notwithstanding,"
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"girls just sorta can't resist me."
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"That must be a major hassle."
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"I just don't want any unnecessary resentment, if you know what I mean."
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"This all you got?"
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"I'll need my own room."
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"Fine. Come on."
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"Wait up. I gotta get dressed."
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"Where are we?"
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"I thought you said the motel was just down the road?"
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"It's not far."
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"To be fair, Simon's third and fourth books were pretty good,"
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"and I hadn't seen him in years."
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"I read them in translation, of course, being"
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"in exile and everything."
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"It's clear he allowed himself to be influenced by"
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"the dynamics of his own notoriety, so to speak."
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"Can you hold that farther away?"
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"[burps] Don't you agree?"
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"About what?"
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"Simon's third and fourth books."
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"-I don't read poetry. -What do you read?"
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"I read what really matters."
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"Oh, you mean, like, The "New York Times"?"
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"No."
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"No, shit, you're a God-fearing man?"
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