You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Straight Up

"I wish I didn't have any holes."
Straight Up
"If I didn't have to worry about"
Straight Up
"things going in and out of my holes,"
Straight Up
"life would be so much easier."
Straight Up
"Sure I'd have to give up talking and I like talking,"
Straight Up
"but I'd also get to give up public rest rooms."
Straight Up
"I mean there's always something on the seat lid,"
Straight Up
"it's just like why?"
Straight Up
"Historically I will choose the handicap stall"
Straight Up
"which is my personal favorite"
Straight Up
"because it's usually the cleanest"
Straight Up
"and it has the most leg room."
Straight Up
"But lately I've been experiencing increased anxiety"
Straight Up
"that some kid in a wheelchair will be waiting"
Straight Up
"outside the stall when I exit"
Straight Up
"and he's going to glare at me once he sees"
Straight Up
"that I'm clearly physically unafflicted."
Straight Up
"The more times I use the handicap stall,"
Straight Up
"the likelier it is to happen."
Straight Up
"It's like a car crash,"
Straight Up
"it's not a matter of if, it's just a matter of when."
Straight Up
"But then if I don't drive a car,"
Straight Up
"how will I get anywhere when the bus is unreliable"
Straight Up
"and filled with homeless people?"
Straight Up
"Or social delinquents who resemble homeless people."
Straight Up
"I suppose if you were truly homeless"
Straight Up
"you wouldn't take the bus either"
Straight Up
"because you couldn't afford it"
Straight Up
"or have nowhere to go, one or the other."
Straight Up
"Todd I think we're getting a bit off topic."
Straight Up
"Well it's my job to be tangential,"
Straight Up
"it's your job to magically relate everything to my problems."
Straight Up
"Okay you treat sex like the kid in a wheelchair."
Straight Up
"The handicap stall is a metaphor"
Straight Up
"for your state of sexual confusion,"
Straight Up
"and you're afraid of the kid"
Straight Up
"because he might tell you you're in a wheelchair too."
Straight Up
"But I'm not in a wheelchair."
Straight Up
"You're in an emotional wheelchair."
Straight Up
"So does that mean I'm not gay?"
Straight Up
"I don't know, it's just a metaphor."
Straight Up
"I think I might not be gay."
Straight Up
"- You're gay. - You don't know that."
Straight Up
"Todd your favorite film is "Legally Blonde"."
Straight Up
"Well that's just it,"
Straight Up
"I've always dismissed the possibility"
Straight Up
"of having any heterosexual feelings,"
Straight Up
"but I think that's because I've been"
Straight Up
"socially conditioned to be gay, gay, gay."
Straight Up
"Kids have been calling me a faggot at recess"
Straight Up
"since the second grade,"
Straight Up
"I never really had the opportunity"
Straight Up
"to explore the female gender."
Straight Up
"So you wanna start dating girls?"
Straight Up
"I think it would statistically improve my love life."
Straight Up
"Don't take this the wrong way,"
Straight Up
"but even if you wanted to experiment,"
Straight Up
"I don't think you would find anyone."
Straight Up
"Girls aren't gay-blind anymore,"
Straight Up
"this isn't the '60s."
Straight Up
"And you're no Rock Hudson."
Straight Up
"I don't think that I'm that transparent,"
Straight Up
"I could just be metro. Or a hipster."
Straight Up
"Todd you're like a Kinsey six."
Straight Up
"Maybe a five when you're not wearing cashmere."
Straight Up
"Well I think that I can get it down to a three."
Straight Up
"Francis says that"
Straight Up
"- my masculinity has been - His therapist."
Straight Up
"suppressed by my own precognitions of sexual identity,"
Straight Up
"and she think that I could be happier"
Straight Up
"if I'm more aggressive and I don't let political labels"
Straight Up
"like gay define me."
Straight Up
"Sorry political labels?"
Straight Up
"Yes we choose to be gay."
Straight Up
"Can I choose to punch you in the face right now?"
Straight Up
"I don't mean that we choose who we're attracted to."
Straight Up
"Okay both of you stop."
Straight Up
"Todd do you like gay sex?"
Straight Up
"He wouldn't know,"
Straight Up
"- he's never had any. - What, no really?"
Straight Up
"I can't, it makes me think of poop,"
Straight Up
"And I don't like poop."
Straight Up
"The smell, the image, the sound,"
Straight Up
"the texture, not that I've ever touched it,"
Straight Up
"oh God even thinking about poop makes me want to vomit."
Straight Up
"Does thinking about vomit make you wanna poo?"
Straight Up
"Okay no one likes poop."
Straight Up
"I could offer an anecdote to the contrary."
Straight Up
"What about Jerry?"
Straight Up
"You at least gave him a blow job."
Straight Up
"For a few seconds, it was more of a blow consultation."
Straight Up
"Maybe you're bisexual."
Straight Up
"No I'm sorry this is recockulous."
Straight Up
"Todd you can not decide that you're straight"
Straight Up
"just because you don't like"
Straight Up
"the gay people you've been meeting."
Straight Up
"I like girls, I've always liked girls."
Straight Up
"They're pretty, and they're clean and they're soft."
Straight Up
"You can find all those qualities in a decorative pillow."
Straight Up
"No you can't they're not always soft,"
Straight Up
"that's why they're not called functional pillows"
Straight Up
"and for two they're not always clean unless you steam them."
Straight Up
"- Oh my God. - Todd I think"
Straight Up
"you're missing the point."
Straight Up
"No you're missing the point."
Straight Up
"I'm undergoing a severe sexual identity crisis"
Straight Up
"and neither of my only two friends are taking me seriously."
Straight Up
"Okay I am sorry."
Straight Up
"I support you so does Ryder."
Straight Up
"- Yay. - Thank you,"
Straight Up
"because I do need your help."
Straight Up
"I'm still a little bit scared of the p-word."
Straight Up
"- Pillow? - Poop?"
Straight Up
"No you know, meow."
Straight Up
"Okay Todd, if you can't say the word pussy,"
Straight Up
"you're definitely gay."
Straight Up
"I can say it, I just think it's vulgar."
Straight Up
"Then say it."
Straight Up
"Pussy."
Straight Up
"Todd say I wanna fuck some pussy."
Straight Up
Show more clips