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Clips from Due Date

-I'm gonna turn it off. -They get uneasy...

"-I'm gonna turn it off. -They get uneasy..."

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...because they know terrorists use their phones to trigger bombs in their luggage.

"...because they know terrorists use their phones to trigger bombs in their luggage."

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Shh. Pst, pst, pst.

"Shh. Pst, pst, pst."

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-That's not the word you want to say. -"Terrorist" or "bomb"?

"-That's not the word you want to say. -"Terrorist" or "bomb"?"

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-You said both the words. -I understand.

"-You said both the words. -I understand."

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-I'm trying to tell you that I read-- -Stop trying to tell me and listen.

"-I'm trying to tell you that I read-- -Stop trying to tell me and listen."

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Don't say words that put people on edge.

"Don't say words that put people on edge."

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ETHAN : I'm trying to be informative. PETER : It's not cool.

"ETHAN : I'm trying to be informative. PETER : It's not cool."

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Would you and your friend mind stepping to the front of the plane?

"Would you and your friend mind stepping to the front of the plane?"

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My friend?

"My friend?"

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I'm sorry, I need you to come with me, please.

"I'm sorry, I need you to come with me, please."

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Listen. This clown, I've never seen before in my life.

"Listen. This clown, I've never seen before in my life."

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That's not true. We switched bags at curbside.

"That's not true. We switched bags at curbside."

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-That was an accident. And he had-- MAN : Sir!

"-That was an accident. And he had-- MAN : Sir!"

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Federal air marshal. Please step to the front of the plane.

"Federal air marshal. Please step to the front of the plane."

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What? Why?

"What? Why?"

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Drop the device.

"Drop the device."

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-It's not a device, it's a BlackBerry. -Drop the device!

"-It's not a device, it's a BlackBerry. -Drop the device!"

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What are you gonna do, rent-a-cop? Shoot me--?

"What are you gonna do, rent-a-cop? Shoot me--?"

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(CROWD SCREAMS)

"(CROWD SCREAMS)"

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It's okay, everyone. He'll be fine.

"It's okay, everyone. He'll be fine."

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It's only a rubber bullet.

"It's only a rubber bullet."

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(APPLAUDING)

"(APPLAUDING)"

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Good news, Mr. Highman. They found your bags on the airplane.

"Good news, Mr. Highman. They found your bags on the airplane."

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-Oh, good. -Unfortunately, that plane's over Kansas.

"-Oh, good. -Unfortunately, that plane's over Kansas."

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-Figures. -But I do have your cell phone for you.

"-Figures. -But I do have your cell phone for you."

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Now, if you wouldn't mind just signing this. It's a simple release.

"Now, if you wouldn't mind just signing this. It's a simple release."

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So I don't sue you.

"So I don't sue you."

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Just saying we acted in accordance with state law.

"Just saying we acted in accordance with state law."

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-Sure did. -Good.

"-Sure did. -Good."

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If you put your address there, I'll have your bags shipped.

"If you put your address there, I'll have your bags shipped."

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Let them land at LAX and I'll pick them up when I get there. When's the next flight?

"Let them land at LAX and I'll pick them up when I get there. When's the next flight?"

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-ln an hour, but you won't be on it. -Why's that?

"-ln an hour, but you won't be on it. -Why's that?"

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You're on the No-Fly list.

"You're on the No-Fly list."

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-Why? -lt says right here.

"-Why? -lt says right here."

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-You and your friend. -Who?

"-You and your friend. -Who?"

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-The gentleman I just interviewed. -I've never seen that dipshit before.

"-The gentleman I just interviewed. -I've never seen that dipshit before."

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-Really? -Yeah.

"-Really? -Yeah."

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-He had nice things to say about you. -I'm on a No-Fly list? This is ridiculous.

"-He had nice things to say about you. -I'm on a No-Fly list? This is ridiculous."

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-Regardless-- -No.

"-Regardless-- -No."

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I have a pregnant wife, I have to get back. This is a huge misunderstanding.

"I have a pregnant wife, I have to get back. This is a huge misunderstanding."

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-What am I supposed to do? -Have you ever seen Forrest Gump?

"-What am I supposed to do? -Have you ever seen Forrest Gump?"

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Yes.

"Yes."

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Well, he ran across country, and he was pretty stupid.

"Well, he ran across country, and he was pretty stupid."

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So I have faith in you.

"So I have faith in you."

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You're free to leave.

"You're free to leave."

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SARAH (OVER PHONE): What kind of incident?

"SARAH (OVER PHONE): What kind of incident?"

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PETER : I'm probably overstating.

"PETER : I'm probably overstating."

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It's the manageable kind. A micro-incident.

"It's the manageable kind. A micro-incident."

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But it unfortunately landed me on a No-Fly list.

"But it unfortunately landed me on a No-Fly list."

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What did you do, Peter? Did you snap at somebody?

"What did you do, Peter? Did you snap at somebody?"

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Nope. I did not. I was cool, calm and collected the whole time.

"Nope. I did not. I was cool, calm and collected the whole time."

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I was completely in my rights.

"I was completely in my rights."

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You get so carried away sometimes.

"You get so carried away sometimes."

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How are you gonna get home?

"How are you gonna get home?"

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I have a plan. And the plan is sorting itself out.

"I have a plan. And the plan is sorting itself out."

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-But my wallet is traveling. -What?

"-But my wallet is traveling. -What?"

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The ID's in it, I've been trying to rent a car, I had the office fax--

"The ID's in it, I've been trying to rent a car, I had the office fax--"

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But I am exhausting any and all opportunities to--

"But I am exhausting any and all opportunities to--"

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(CAR ALARM WAlLS)

"(CAR ALARM WAlLS)"

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Hey! I've been looking all over for you.

"Hey! I've been looking all over for you."

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-Stay away from me. ETHAN : But I found something of yours.

"-Stay away from me. ETHAN : But I found something of yours."

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Honey, this might all be solved. I'll call you right back.

"Honey, this might all be solved. I'll call you right back."

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Peter?

"Peter?"

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You got my stuff?

"You got my stuff?"

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-I grabbed it before they zip-tied me. -Rally Monkey?

"-I grabbed it before they zip-tied me. -Rally Monkey?"

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-You get my wallet? -I didn't see it.

"-You get my wallet? -I didn't see it."

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Where's my bag?

"Where's my bag?"

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I saw your bag, but I didn't grab it because my hands were full.

"I saw your bag, but I didn't grab it because my hands were full."

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You know, I had this thing in my hand.

"You know, I had this thing in my hand."

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-What kind of car did you get? -I didn't, because I don't have a license...

"-What kind of car did you get? -I didn't, because I don't have a license..."

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...because it's in my wallet that's on the.... Right?

"...because it's in my wallet that's on the.... Right?"

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Oh, shoot. What a bummer.

"Oh, shoot. What a bummer."

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Yeah, bummer.

"Yeah, bummer."

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Thanks for the doll.

"Thanks for the doll."

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Fucking idiot.

"Fucking idiot."

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Hey, you wanna ride with us?

"Hey, you wanna ride with us?"

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No, I'm fine. I'm not really a big dog person.

"No, I'm fine. I'm not really a big dog person."

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Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot.

"Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot."

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But I have a really great personality once you get to know me.

"But I have a really great personality once you get to know me."

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Yeah, I'm sure you do.

"Yeah, I'm sure you do."

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I got 90 friends on Facebook. Twelve pending, but I got 90 friends.

"I got 90 friends on Facebook. Twelve pending, but I got 90 friends."

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I'll cover expenses.

"I'll cover expenses."

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You can pay me back when we get to Hollywood.

"You can pay me back when we get to Hollywood."

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PETER : L.A. ETHAN : Huh?

"PETER : L.A. ETHAN : Huh?"

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It's not called Hollywood. It's Los Angeles.

"It's not called Hollywood. It's Los Angeles."

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Yeah, but I'm going to Hollywood.

"Yeah, but I'm going to Hollywood."

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What's your name?

"What's your name?"

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Peter.

"Peter."

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My name's Ethan. Ethan Tremblay.

"My name's Ethan. Ethan Tremblay."

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And this little guy...

"And this little guy..."

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...this little butterball...

"...this little butterball..."

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...this is Sonny.

"...this is Sonny."

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And we would be honored to have you ride with us. Come on.

"And we would be honored to have you ride with us. Come on."

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It'll be fun.

"It'll be fun."

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(ETHAN SQUEALS AND LAUGHS)

"(ETHAN SQUEALS AND LAUGHS)"

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JK. LOL.

"JK. LOL."

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HI. "Hop in."

"HI. "Hop in.""

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Life's weird, isn't it? Buckle up.

"Life's weird, isn't it? Buckle up."

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ETHAN : You have any brothers or sisters? PETER : No.

"ETHAN : You have any brothers or sisters? PETER : No."

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ETHAN : You have a dog? PETER : Nope.

"ETHAN : You have a dog? PETER : Nope."

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Let me ask you this: What's your favorite color?

"Let me ask you this: What's your favorite color?"

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-Blue. -That's so cool. Mine's green.

"-Blue. -That's so cool. Mine's green."

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Wow.

"Wow."

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-Do you like hot dogs? -Yes, I do.

"-Do you like hot dogs? -Yes, I do."

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I'm more of a corn-dog man, myself.

"I'm more of a corn-dog man, myself."

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I once ate a foot-long corn dog on a nude beach.

"I once ate a foot-long corn dog on a nude beach."

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I'll never do that again.

"I'll never do that again."

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-At what age did you lose your virginity? -I'm not gonna discuss that.

"-At what age did you lose your virginity? -I'm not gonna discuss that."

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-I was 9 years old. -Boy.

"-I was 9 years old. -Boy."

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Great gal. Great gal.

"Great gal. Great gal."

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Sheila Pimples.

"Sheila Pimples."

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I'm getting a headache, not because of you.

"I'm getting a headache, not because of you."

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It's just, I'm under a lot of pressure.

"It's just, I'm under a lot of pressure."

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My wife and I are having a baby.

"My wife and I are having a baby."

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-On Friday. That's who the monkey's for. -Oh, really?

"-On Friday. That's who the monkey's for. -Oh, really?"

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-Yep. C-section. -That's sweet.

"-Yep. C-section. -That's sweet."

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-So if we could just.... Thanks. -I understand. God, I totally understand.

"-So if we could just.... Thanks. -I understand. God, I totally understand."

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I was supposed to meet a bigtime agent in Hollywood.

"I was supposed to meet a bigtime agent in Hollywood."

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Luckily, he postponed.

"Luckily, he postponed."

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