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Clips from Due Date

MAN : I just had the strangest dream.

"MAN : I just had the strangest dream."

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It's Friday.

"It's Friday."

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We're at the hospital.

"We're at the hospital."

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But it's not a hospital, it's a forest of sorts.

"But it's not a hospital, it's a forest of sorts."

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And I know that because right next to you there's a bear.

"And I know that because right next to you there's a bear."

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A grizzly, cooling his feet in a stream.

"A grizzly, cooling his feet in a stream."

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And all of a sudden, you begin to deliver...

"And all of a sudden, you begin to deliver..."

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...and I can't get to you.

"...and I can't get to you."

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But the bear can.

"But the bear can."

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And next thing I know...

"And next thing I know..."

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...he is holding our beautiful baby boy.

"...he is holding our beautiful baby boy."

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And here's where it gets odd. Uh....

"And here's where it gets odd. Uh...."

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He chews the cord.

"He chews the cord."

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But, strangely, I'm okay with it.

"But, strangely, I'm okay with it."

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That's gotta be a good sign.

"That's gotta be a good sign."

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Theodore. Loved it.

"Theodore. Loved it."

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But remember that article I told you about? Naming kids after famous people?

"But remember that article I told you about? Naming kids after famous people?"

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I don't want Teddy to think he's a failure if he doesn't wind up on Mount Rushmore.

"I don't want Teddy to think he's a failure if he doesn't wind up on Mount Rushmore."

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Uh, Arthur. Oh!

"Uh, Arthur. Oh!"

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This was tough, because it's mythological. Round Table, the whole deal.

"This was tough, because it's mythological. Round Table, the whole deal."

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But "The Name Game." Remember that?

"But "The Name Game." Remember that?"

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"The Name Game"?

""The Name Game"?"

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"Art-Art-bo-Bart, Banana-Fana-fo-Fart."

""Art-Art-bo-Bart, Banana-Fana-fo-Fart.""

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Brings us to Casey.

"Brings us to Casey."

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This whole next slew of names:

"This whole next slew of names:"

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Casey, Jordan, Dylan, Drew, Taylor, Tyler and probably mostly Skylar...

"Casey, Jordan, Dylan, Drew, Taylor, Tyler and probably mostly Skylar..."

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...are all names that could be girls' names.

"...are all names that could be girls' names."

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Why don't we just cut to the chase and call him Cindy?

"Why don't we just cut to the chase and call him Cindy?"

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DRIVER : Yeah, Atlanta. Trying to get out of this place.

"DRIVER : Yeah, Atlanta. Trying to get out of this place."

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-Denver's where it's at, man. -Mm-hm.

"-Denver's where it's at, man. -Mm-hm."

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They got the whole underground government conspiracy thing going on.

"They got the whole underground government conspiracy thing going on."

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-That so? -I'm hearing a lot of chatter...

"-That so? -I'm hearing a lot of chatter..."

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(CELL PHONE RINGS)

"(CELL PHONE RINGS)"

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-...on the message boards. -Gotcha. I should grab this.

"-...on the message boards. -Gotcha. I should grab this."

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-Sorry. Hey, honey. WOMAN : Hey, sweetie.

"-Sorry. Hey, honey. WOMAN : Hey, sweetie."

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-Did you get my message? -I did.

"-Did you get my message? -I did."

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I'm about halfway through it. I thought I'd take a little break.

"I'm about halfway through it. I thought I'd take a little break."

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Ha, ha. I didn't want you to think I was arbitrarily dismissing those names.

"Ha, ha. I didn't want you to think I was arbitrarily dismissing those names."

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You considered them carefully.

"You considered them carefully."

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It's just such a big decision, you know?

"It's just such a big decision, you know?"

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I know. Clearly, you're taking it very seriously.

"I know. Clearly, you're taking it very seriously."

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More importantly, what are you wearing?

"More importantly, what are you wearing?"

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Armani Exchange.

"Armani Exchange."

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I'm talking to my-- No, no, that's just the driver, baby.

"I'm talking to my-- No, no, that's just the driver, baby."

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Okay, listen, I'm about to be dropped off. I should go.

"Okay, listen, I'm about to be dropped off. I should go."

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-I love you, can't wait to see you. -I love you too. Safe flying.

"-I love you, can't wait to see you. -I love you too. Safe flying."

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DRIVER : Here you go. -Perfect.

"DRIVER : Here you go. -Perfect."

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Yep.

"Yep."

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DRIVER : What in the eff?

"DRIVER : What in the eff?"

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-Goddamn it! -We done knocked it right off.

"-Goddamn it! -We done knocked it right off."

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Hey, man! You just hit my car!

"Hey, man! You just hit my car!"

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-You just knocked my door off, man. SHELBY : Sorry about that.

"-You just knocked my door off, man. SHELBY : Sorry about that."

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First things first, is everybody okay?

"First things first, is everybody okay?"

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DRIVER : I'm in a Town Car! Don't you know airport protocol?

"DRIVER : I'm in a Town Car! Don't you know airport protocol?"

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Town Cars have the right of way always!

"Town Cars have the right of way always!"

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That right there is some serious damage.

"That right there is some serious damage."

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That ain't shit!

"That ain't shit!"

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DRIVER : My brother-in-law is gonna kill me. I'm through!

"DRIVER : My brother-in-law is gonna kill me. I'm through!"

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You okay?

"You okay?"

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Sorry about my friend. He's been drinking.

"Sorry about my friend. He's been drinking."

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You smell boozy too. Drinking and driving together?

"You smell boozy too. Drinking and driving together?"

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Well, we haven't been drinking.

"Well, we haven't been drinking."

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I mean, we split a six-pack. Of 40s. But....

"I mean, we split a six-pack. Of 40s. But...."

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You know what?

"You know what?"

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My father always had a saying:

"My father always had a saying:"

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When a day starts like this, it's all uphill from here.

"When a day starts like this, it's all uphill from here."

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That's actually incorrect.

"That's actually incorrect."

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-My dad used to say it. -No, it's all downhill from here.

"-My dad used to say it. -No, it's all downhill from here."

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Everybody wants to be up. Nobody wants to be down.

"Everybody wants to be up. Nobody wants to be down."

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It's easier as you go down. He didn't know what he was talking about.

"It's easier as you go down. He didn't know what he was talking about."

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-Hey, Shelby? We good? -We're cool, man. I'll take care of it.

"-Hey, Shelby? We good? -We're cool, man. I'll take care of it."

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-Okay. SHELBY : Go get them, Hollywood!

"-Okay. SHELBY : Go get them, Hollywood!"

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PETER : Excuse me. Sir? You mind picking these up?

"PETER : Excuse me. Sir? You mind picking these up?"

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I can't. You're not supposed to touch other people's luggage at an airport.

"I can't. You're not supposed to touch other people's luggage at an airport."

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Handle your own baggage.

"Handle your own baggage."

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Bag check!

"Bag check!"

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-This your bag, sir? -Is there a problem?

"-This your bag, sir? -Is there a problem?"

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-I'm gonna have to search it real quick, sir. -Yeah. Feel free.

"-I'm gonna have to search it real quick, sir. -Yeah. Feel free."

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Mad magazine? That's cute.

"Mad magazine? That's cute."

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That's not mine.

"That's not mine."

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-This is your bag? -That's not--

"-This is your bag? -That's not--"

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Jackpot!

"Jackpot!"

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That's definitely not mine. My bag got switched with this--

"That's definitely not mine. My bag got switched with this--"

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-You packed your bag yourself? -But not that.

"-You packed your bag yourself? -But not that."

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I've never done drugs in my life. This is absolutely-- This is crazy.

"I've never done drugs in my life. This is absolutely-- This is crazy."

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Maybe you a drug mule.

"Maybe you a drug mule."

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-Do I look like a drug mule? -I don't know, how do drug mules look?

"-Do I look like a drug mule? -I don't know, how do drug mules look?"

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-You're the expert. -What, like me?

"-You're the expert. -What, like me?"

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-Who said that? -Your eyes.

"-Who said that? -Your eyes."

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My eyes said something? Did my mouth? I don't think you look like a--

"My eyes said something? Did my mouth? I don't think you look like a--"

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Do you mind not tossing it up so much?

"Do you mind not tossing it up so much?"

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Whoo! Funky motherfucker, ain't you?

"Whoo! Funky motherfucker, ain't you?"

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You are so inappropriate, it's crazy.

"You are so inappropriate, it's crazy."

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I been called a lot of things, but "inappropriate"?

"I been called a lot of things, but "inappropriate"?"

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That's some fucked-up shit, yo.

"That's some fucked-up shit, yo."

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Oh, my goodness.

"Oh, my goodness."

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Look at this, Sonny.

"Look at this, Sonny."

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Fancy.

"Fancy."

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Died and gone to heaven.

"Died and gone to heaven."

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Are you not aware that there's a person here?

"Are you not aware that there's a person here?"

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ETHAN : Sorry.

"ETHAN : Sorry."

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Well, hello!

"Well, hello!"

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How you doing?

"How you doing?"

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What brings you up to first class?

"What brings you up to first class?"

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The seat that I procured--

"The seat that I procured--"

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ETHAN : Oh, sorry. ATTENDANT : Excuse me.

"ETHAN : Oh, sorry. ATTENDANT : Excuse me."

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I was in low class, and my seat belt didn't work, and they bumped me up.

"I was in low class, and my seat belt didn't work, and they bumped me up."

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It's called economy.

"It's called economy."

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Lucky day. Nice to see you.

"Lucky day. Nice to see you."

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Sorry how we met, but, you know....

"Sorry how we met, but, you know...."

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Oh, you know what?

"Oh, you know what?"

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-I think we switched our bags at the curb. -I know we did.

"-I think we switched our bags at the curb. -I know we did."

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Your bag was confiscated. It had paraphernalia in it.

"Your bag was confiscated. It had paraphernalia in it."

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Marijuana pipe.

"Marijuana pipe."

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Well, that's a medical apparatus.

"Well, that's a medical apparatus."

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-I have glaucoma. -Sure, you have glaucoma.

"-I have glaucoma. -Sure, you have glaucoma."

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Attention, in preparation for takeoff, please turn off all electronic devices...

"Attention, in preparation for takeoff, please turn off all electronic devices..."

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...and if you have a laptop, please stow it. Thank you and enjoy your flight.

"...and if you have a laptop, please stow it. Thank you and enjoy your flight."

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They made the announcement. You should turn that off.

"They made the announcement. You should turn that off."

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-Yeah, I get it. -Just turn it off. You know why?

"-Yeah, I get it. -Just turn it off. You know why?"

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