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Clips from Ali Wong: Don Wong

"[indistinct chatter]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[host] Ladies, gentlemen, and everybody, put your hands together."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"Please welcome to the stage Ali Wong!"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"-["Hold On" by En Vogue plays] -[crowd cheering loudly]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"Hi, everybody!"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd cheers]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[woman] We love you, Ali!"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"-Thank you. Thank you. -[crowd cheers]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"You know, I'm very jealous"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"and bitter"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"that when a man finds"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"any ounce of mainstream success in comedy,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"they get to date models,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"actresses, and pop singers."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"One of my dear friends is arguably one of the top stand-up comics"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"in the world."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"And for the past year and a half,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"she's been dating"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"a magician."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughing]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"I was like, "Okay, you know, no judgment, girl,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"but is he at least, like, a good magician?""
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
""Is he, like, the best magician"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"like how you are one of the best stand-up comedians?""
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"I looked that dude up on Yelp, he got two stars."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"That's what being one of the best female stand-up comics will achieve you."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"A "ain't shit" magician."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"See, because when you are a woman with money, power, and respect,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"your romantic options do not expand."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"They decline!"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"Now, I am told it's because men are threatened"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"by women with money, power, and respect."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"What do you think is going to happen to you, huh?"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"You think your dick is gonna get acquired in a hostile takeover?"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"I bet most men in this theater"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"have never, ever had your dick sucked by a woman"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"that makes a lot more money than you."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"And let me tell you something."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"-It is spectacular, okay? -[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"It is."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"-[crowd applauding, cheering] -It is."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"Why wouldn't it be?"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"If she got the skills to earn money, power, and respect,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"you don't think she got good pattern recognition?"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"Those skills transfer."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"You should feel so lucky,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"so flattered, so blessed and highly favored,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"if you ever had the opportunity to get your dick sucked"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"by a woman that makes a lot more money than you."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"Because out of all the things"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"this important woman could be doing with her valuable time…"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughing, applauding]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"-Yeah. -[crowd cheers loudly]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"All of her responsibilities,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"all the interesting opportunities and deals knocking at her door,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"but no."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"She chose to get on her knees"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"and stick your $40,000-a-year dick in her mouth…"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"…in your Toyota Yaris."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughing]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"But no. None of you,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"not a single man in here knows what it's like"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"to cum on the face of a millionaire."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"Sure, you've gotten head."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"But have you ejaculated onto a great American mind?"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"-Huh? Huh? -[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"Has your sperm swam in the eyes of an icon?"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"-Huh? -[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"Have you been deep-throated by a voice of a generation?"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"-I don't think so! -[crowd laughing, applauding]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"It's highly unlikely that any man in here…"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"Well, any, uh, straight man in here…"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"…knows what it's like to cum on the face of a millionaire."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"First of all, how many female, self-made millionaires are there to begin with?"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"And then out of that pool,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"how many of them gonna let you cum on their face?"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"There's three of us, okay?"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"Yeah, I don't even know who the other two are."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"You think Ellen gonna let you cum on her face?"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"You think Oprah gonna let you go to Montecito"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"and stomp on all her vegetables?"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughing]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"I love"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"to get cummed on, on the face."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"I do."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"Because it's so nasty"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"and is so easy."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"It is so easy, especially when you compare it to sucking dick,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"which is so physically taxing. All the… [imitates gagging]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"-[crowd laughing] -The choking, the eyes watering."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"And if you really want to keep it 100, you got to add the pepper grinding."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"A lot, you know?"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[imitates gagging]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughing]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"Whenever I get a deep tissue massage, the masseuse is always like,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
""Whoa! Do you sit and work at a computer all day?""
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"I'm like, "No, I sucked dick last night.""
Ali Wong: Don Wong
""Now I can't look to the left.""
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"So in addition to all of that labor…"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"[sighs] …when you suck dick,"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"there is all of this performing and pretending involved."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"You have to tell all of these lies."
Ali Wong: Don Wong
""Oh, this is the biggest dick"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
"-I've ever had in my mouth." -[crowd laughs]"
Ali Wong: Don Wong
""I love sucking your cock. It makes my pussy so wet.""
Ali Wong: Don Wong
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