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Clips from 10-Year-Old-Tom - Tom Urinates on Boston/First Responder (S01E01)

"- I fled out of bravery to save everyone."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I fled to save."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You think that's what Superman does?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You think Superman flies away for a bit"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"and then comes back to save?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I'm sure he does all kind of things."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Horrible person. Look at him."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Yasmine here, she ran to the flames and saved lives."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Hero. [applause]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Guys, come on, we--"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"all right, tell the dog to relax."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"She literally poured iced tea on a volcano."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Excuse me?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I'm just saying, hero might be a strong word."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I mean, let's-- - Where I come from,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"we have respect for first responders."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I don't know if I'd call her a first responder. She's--"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Now you're being disrespectful."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You gotta leave the truck area."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- She took two steps."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I don't wanna leave the truck area."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[dog growling]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Say you're sorry,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"and then get the fuck outta here."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- How is there no teacher out here to supervise us?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Tom, before you do these things,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"you need to ask yourself, how will this affect Nelson?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I know. I shouldn't have run."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I shouldn't have run and screeched."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Come on, you old piece of pain in the tush!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Ah, sorry for the language kids,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"but I can't get this thing into gear."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Mother-bleeping C-word! Stupid B-hole bus."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Get that heinie into gear, you piece of caca!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I don't think these kid-friendly curses"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"are really landing."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Ill rip your ding-a-ling off, you GD bus!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[bus grinding]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Okay, kids, stand back."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I'm igniting a common safety flare."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Whoa. - Whoa, no need to panic, Tom!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Panic? I-I literally said whoa in a deadpan voice."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- No, Tom panicked."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I didn't panic. I'm not panicking."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Don't flee the scene, Tom. [laughter]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- This is the opposite of fleeing."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I'm literally standing here."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Okay, kids, you stay here by the bus."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Try not to get shot."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Tom, hold this flare. Come over here."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Okay, more fire. What's up?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Here's the deal."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I need a new bus. - Okay."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- And you need an opportunity to look like a hero."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I do need that."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- So tomorrow morning,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"we fake an emergency on the school bus."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Fake emergency? No."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Picture this: the bus explodes."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You come running in."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I don't like to run."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You haul my ass out of the bus."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Everyone will think you're a hero,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"and I'll have a new vehicle."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That sounds abnormally dicey. - Trust me."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I know a guy who could rig it all up."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I mean, we're good."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Wow, you know a guy who does fake school bus explosions?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"That's amazing."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[doorbell rings]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, what's up, player? I remember you."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- This is the guy? Glenn? - Hell yeah."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, you know each other? - You don't remember"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"he sold me drugs and I shoved them up my butt"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"and there was a whole scandal? - Yes!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Anyway, so you know what you're doing here?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You can help with the fake fire and smoke?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Does a cat have six tits? - Six tits?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I have no idea. Not a cat owner."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Boom. - Oh, wow. Look at that."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Worked on a Michael Bay picture back in the day."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"So I know my way around special effects."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- This is impressive stuff."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You rigged all these explosions?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Hell yeah, dude."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Renaissance man and shit, you know what I'm saying?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I'm all the ninja turtles wrapped into one."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- He's a wizard, Tom. - You know what's up."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"So anyway, here's the plan, dawg."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I'll rig the bus with harmless movie smoke."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Nice. - And on my cue,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"the driver screams, "Run for your lives."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"This bitch is gonna blow." That's what's up."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I question some of the dialogue, but--"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Anyway, so then Tom says, "Not on my watch."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"First responder coming through.""
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I like that."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Then Tom drags you out, and I'll be playing"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"some type of Aerosmith song in the background."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Boom. Credits roll. Any questions, gentlemen?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Zero questions."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Let's just hope for the best."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[dramatic music]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- This is Cobra, your eyes on the ground, over."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- This is Stallion. Radio check, over."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- This is Tom. Radio check, over."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Tom, use the code names, remember?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I'm Cobra. He's Stallion. You're Louise."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I feel like I got the worst nickname."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Can I say that? - Please identify yourself."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Louise in position, over. - Thank you."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"All right, guys, it's go time."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"And in the off chance the bus does actually explode"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"and everyone dies, that's my bad."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I apologize in advance."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[machine beeping]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Help, I'm stuck! The bus is gonna blow!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, my God, someone's gotta help the bus driver."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Everyone, relax."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You're in good hands. First responder's on the scene."
10-Year-Old-Tom
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