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Clips from Weeds - Grasshopper (S03E03)

"I look forward to seeing where they end sometime."
Weeds
"That's your one for the day."
Weeds
"- Did I hear "party"? - Yes, for the city council."
Weeds
"- Go on, get out of here. - Oh, politicians."
Weeds
"Shit! This is perfect. We can unload at least a key."
Weeds
"These are U-Turn's drugs, and he's going to take them back."
Weeds
"You..."
Weeds
"are going to shave and find a clean shirt."
Weeds
"because we are going to have the party here tomorrow night."
Weeds
"- Here? Not a restaurant or a hall? - Not if we want to make four grand."
Weeds
"- Take $1,000. Make it look like $5,000. - I don't remember volunteering my services."
Weeds
"Maybe I have plans tomorrow. Maybe I have a play date."
Weeds
"- You live here for free. - Yes."
Weeds
"You eat my food. You wipe your ass with my toilet paper."
Weeds
"I don't have to ask you shit."
Weeds
"Finish frying your eggs,"
Weeds
"and think up a menu that includes pork-wrapped items."
Weeds
"And wash your hands."
Weeds
"All I need now is for the boys to eat heroin eggs for breakfast."
Weeds
"Right, because then they'd want them every day."
Weeds
"Welcome to your new home, Miss Hodes."
Weeds
"We've got it promised out next week, some folks shooting a movie."
Weeds
"But after that, she's all yours."
Weeds
"Thank you, Sullivan Groff."
Weeds
"We'll have to keep it in the corporation's name for the first six months."
Weeds
"- A house is a fat piece of swag to hide. - It works for me."
Weeds
"Keeps it out of my husband's stubby, little sausage fingers."
Weeds
"- Husband? - Yeah."
Weeds
"- You're not wearing a ring. - I'm separated."
Weeds
"Dancing my way to divorce."
Weeds
"This is an amazing living room."
Weeds
"They call this the Great Room. This is the room that sells the house."
Weeds
"Flat screen goes right here."
Weeds
"- What the fuck? - Here, get behind me."
Weeds
"God!"
Weeds
"Whore."
Weeds
"- Cunt. - Cunt."
Weeds
"- And another whore. - Whore."
Weeds
"Fucking Doug."
Weeds
"But you got to admit, he's quite accurate with a 5-iron."
Weeds
"I'm not dressed for this."
Weeds
"You said you wanted to talk. This is my fitness time."
Weeds
"- Ow. Quit it. - Bob and weave, bob and weave."
Weeds
"Oh, no, too slow."
Weeds
"- Come on! - OK."
Weeds
"When are you coming to get your trunk?"
Weeds
"- You looked, didn't you? - It's in my house."
Weeds
"And there it shall remain, grasshopper."
Weeds
"Listen, I'm throwing a party tomorrow. I can't be a storage space for your heroin."
Weeds
"- Get the trunk out of my house now. - No more complaining."
Weeds
"Now, move your feet! Come on!"
Weeds
"What am I doing here?"
Weeds
"You are working off your debt and your ass. Keep moving."
Weeds
"- What do you want from me? - I'm grooming you."
Weeds
"I'm thinking about the future."
Weeds
"That's cos Marvin is a fat fool!"
Weeds
"Maybe one day you'll be my lieutenant."
Weeds
"- No, thank you. - Ah!"
Weeds
"OK... Yeah, I wasn't asking, and you ain't there yet."
Weeds
"Just keep on watching and learning, and we'll see what happens."
Weeds
"Never turn down an opportunity to learn."
Weeds
"- You're right. - No, I'm left. Ooh."
Weeds
"See? See what I'm saying?"
Weeds
"Listen... When we're done here,"
Weeds
"I'm gonna give you an address, downtown, 7:30 sharp."
Weeds
"- It's a surprise. - I don't like surprises."
Weeds
"You're gonna like this one. Now, come on! Keep dancing, girl!"
Weeds
"- Bingo! - Oh, so close."
Weeds
"All right, new game. Picture frame."
Weeds
"So that means we fill out the whole outer edge of the card."
Weeds
"Top row, bottom row, side, and side, all filled in."
Weeds
"Now, this is a long one, everyone, so settle in and let's bingo!"
Weeds
"It's an indica blend, so it's not too harsh, not too heady."
Weeds
"It has a real calming effect."
Weeds
"Son, I don't need a sales pitch."
Weeds
"Just tell me this. Will it fuck me up?"
Weeds
"Yes, sir, it will fuck you up good."
Weeds
"B-9."
Weeds
"Good news. Your tumour is B-9!"
Weeds
"B-9."
Weeds
"Hurry up and give it to me. This girl is giving me a headache."
Weeds
"B-4."
Weeds
"And after."
Weeds
"Very good!"
Weeds
"B-4."
Weeds
"- N-37. - What?"
Weeds
"It is a known fact that in Africa the lions rule the Serengeti Plain."
Weeds
"All right, I need you to try one of each."
Weeds
"I have stuffed mushrooms,"
Weeds
"little smokies wrapped in bacon, chicken satay, and rumaki."
Weeds
"Feast and praise."
Weeds
"- Is this dinner? - Yeah. Sure. I guess. Try."
Weeds
"- This sucks. - How can it suck? It's wrapped in bacon."
Weeds
"Not the food."
Weeds
"This... Me and you. I want family dinner."
Weeds
"I need to talk to Mom."
Weeds
"I'm your uncle, talk to me."
Weeds
"Can you convince Mom that I'm better off sitting home all summer"
Weeds
"than stuck in a classroom full of religious zealots proselytising"
Weeds
"a form of fundamentalism that's two clicks away from jihad?"
Weeds
"Maybe you better talk to your mom. Try another smoky."
Weeds
"When's Mom coming home?"
Weeds
"Not sure. She has a Ladies in Business thing."
Weeds
"- She's at a drug thing, isn't she? - No."
Weeds
"Yeah, she's at a drug thing. Your mother's a drug dealer."
Weeds
"Why do you make me say it? Why?"
Weeds
"- Bud, where you going? - I'm not hungry."
Weeds
"OK, no more hors d'oeuvres. I'll make some pasta."
Weeds
"- We'll watch bikini chicks eat crickets. - No, thanks."
Weeds
"- I'm gonna go read. - Reading?"
Weeds
"You kids today and your reading."
Weeds
"The male's barbed penis will make sex so painful for the female"
Weeds
"that she snarls and snaps at him when he retreats."
Weeds
"So he bites the scruff of her neck to hold her down."
Weeds
"Now, the bites may appear to be dangerous and aggressive, but they are..."
Weeds
"Someone get the door!"
Weeds
"- Who is it? - I don't know who it is,"
Weeds
"because someone hasn't put up my security cameras like I asked 17 times."
Weeds
"Hey, I'm working the crops here."
Weeds
"You ain't doing nothing but smoking Mores and running water through dollhouses."
Weeds
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