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Clips from The Goldbergs (2013) - Why're You Hitting Yourself? (S01E01)

"ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, before the internet,"
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"there weren't as many ways to find love."
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"If you were lucky, you might get on The Dating Game."
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"If you were really lucky, you'd run into Beverly Goldberg."
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"I've got the perfect man for you, Inez."
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"His name's Tony. He's 53, non-smoker, works for the city,"
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"and he is literally the most handsome man I've ever seen."
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"No, I don't know how fast I was going, but you know what I do know?"
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"No wedding ring. Have I got someone for you."
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"Her name is Delia. She's 34 years old, real outdoorsy just like you,"
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"and she is literally the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
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"(MOUTH FULL) I am telling you, he is literally the most handsome man I've ever seen."
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"(CHUCKLES)"
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"Is Lucky interested in having puppies?"
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"'Cause I know a Springer Spaniel."
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"Literally the cutest dog I've ever seen."
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"My mom was eHarmony, JDate, and Grindr all rolled into one."
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"She could match up anyone."
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"Well, almost anyone."
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"Good morning!"
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"Wow, dad, don't you look dapper? Big date tonight?"
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"Actually, I just finished my date from last night."
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"Was this the aerobics instructor?"
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"The antiques dealer."
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"No. This was the manager from Coco's."
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"I ordered the steak, she ordered the me."
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"Here we go."
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"Kids, you know the drill. Give us the room."
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"Come on. This is pure gold. I gotta get this on tape."
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"You stay, Murray."
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"I stay."
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"Please help me talk some sense into this man."
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"Mom's been gone for 10 years."
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"He's dated at least five different women a week."
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"That's over 2,000 women."
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"You're saying something that's good, but you're saying it like it's bad."
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"I just think maybe it's time you found someone special."
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"Maybe someone who doesn't wear a tube top to work."
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"Hey, what's-her-name was plenty special."
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"What was her name? Um... Tawny? Tammy?"
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"Taffy? Is Taffy a name?"
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"Just give me a chance, Dad."
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"I can help you find the perfect woman."
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"I have a gift. Tell him, Murray."
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"She has a gift, this one."
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"Fact, 16 of my setups led to marriage,"
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"which resulted in 37 children."
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"I did that. I created life."
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"She's like god."
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"Trust me, dad. I know what's best for you."
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"She knows what's best. The hell she does."
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"Bevy, you just can't help yourself. You have to mix in."
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"I'm not mixing in."
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"I'm just trying to tell you what to do, even though you don't want me to."
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"Just do her thing."
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"Murray, you're really not helping me right now."
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"Will you please just give him your honest opinion"
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"about how you feel about this?"
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"You want my honest opinion? Mm-hmm."
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"Well... (SIGHS)"
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"I think he's doing great on his own."
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"Get out. Good-bye."
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"Please, dad, let me find you just one woman."
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"You could even write down what you want,"
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"and I'll find it. I'm that good."
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"No one's that good."
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"Try me."
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"Fine."
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"One date, but nothing serious."
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"I think you're really gonna love being set up by your daughter."
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"See? Now you're saying something that's bad,"
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"but you're saying it like it's good."
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"You're very confusing today."
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"♪ I'm twisted up inside"
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"♪ But nonetheless I feel the need to say"
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"♪ I don't know the future"
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"♪ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪"
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"It was October 12, 1980-something."
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"Every day after school, I had a tradition with my big sis Erica..."
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"General Hospital."
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"It was more than a soap opera. It was an obsession."
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"God, I hate Luke."
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"Me, too."
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"But I'm drawn to his danger."
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"Who isn't?"
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"Erica loved watching her stories,"
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"and I got sucked in, too."
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"Mostly 'cause the alternative was this..."
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"(SLAPPING) BARRY: Why are you hitting yourself?"
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"Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?"
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"Huh? What'd your face ever do to you?"
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"Get off me, Barry!"
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"Say "I love it when Barry whoops my ass.""
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"I'm not gonna say it. Say it!"
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"I'm not gonna say it. Say it!"
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"I love it when Barry whoops my ass."
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"Oh! Really? Then I'm-a keep on going!"
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"(SLAPPING) Aw, man."
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"This was what quality time looked like with my brother Barry..."
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"Until the day that changed everything."
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"Erica? It's starting. Hurry up!"
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"Get out. You get out."
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"General Hospital's on."
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"Lame. Your puppet show's any better?"
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"He's not a puppet. He's Alf."
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"He eats cats and says what he thinks."
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"Hey, you taped it. You can watch it later."
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"Hey, don't touch it! I was here first!"
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"Give me this! Erica, get down here!"
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"(BUTTONS CLICKING) Come here."
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"Dude! Stop!"
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"Don't move."
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"(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)"
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"Do you see what I see?"
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"I see it."
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"Back in the day, finding naughty adult stuff was impossible."
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"But somehow, we hit the right combo of buttons"
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"on our cable box and stumbled upon"
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"a scrambled channel we didn't pay for."
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"(WOMEN GIGGLING) Boobs."
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