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Clips from Chef

"So, first you click here and you have to enter your username."
Chef
"- Right. - You could also log in on your iPhone."
Chef
"Uh-huh."
Chef
"You click this button here,"
Chef
"it posts your feed so all your followers can read it."
Chef
"('C.R.E.A.M.' BY EL MICHELS AFFAIR)"
Chef
"(SIGHS) OK."
Chef
"(TWITTER SOUND EFFECT)"
Chef
"(on. SIZZLES)"
Chef
"- Dad? - Yeah."
Chef
"You got 1,653 followers since last night."
Chef
"- Oh, is that good? - It's amazing."
Chef
"Oh, good. What does it mean?"
Chef
"It means that 1,653 people are reading your Twitter feed."
Chef
"Mm-hm. I thought it was like texting."
Chef
"Did you post anything since last night?"
Chef
"- No. - Are you sure?"
Chef
"Yeah, I just sent a private message to somebody."
Chef
"- To who? - To that A-hole food critic."
Chef
"You could only send private messages to people who are following you."
Chef
"I think you might have posted that publicly."
Chef
"No, he wrote something nasty about me and then I hit reply"
Chef
"and it let me send a message to him."
Chef
"Dad, replies are public. Everybody can read them."
Chef
"And it looks like he re-tweeted it"
Chef
"to all his 123,845 followers."
Chef
"And he wrote back."
Chef
"What did he say?"
Chef
"- I don't think I should read it. - Just..."
Chef
"Can you read it to me, please?"
Chef
"Read the reply."
Chef
"(SIGHS AND READS) "@ChefCarlCasper -"
Chef
""I would rather have you sit on my face"
Chef
""after a brisk walk on a warm day"
Chef
""than suffer through that fucking lava cake again.""
Chef
"He wrote that to me?"
Chef
"He wrote it to everybody."
Chef
"- You gotta be kidding me. - Wow."
Chef
"You realise how many people have read this?"
Chef
"I'm up to 2,000 followers since last night."
Chef
"- You're trending, bro. - They're sending me messages."
Chef
"They're goading me into responding to this prick."
Chef
"- Don't do it. Don't do it, man. - Don't do that, Chef."
Chef
"- Don't respond. Take the high road. - I know."
Chef
"But half the people are saying he's right."
Chef
"Yeah, but half the people are saying he's wrong."
Chef
"- That's the fucking internet. - That's right. Listen to him."
Chef
"- That's social media. You on Twitter? - Yeah, I'm Twitter."
Chef
"- What's your name? - Little Marty."
Chef
"But all the people following me, I don't wanna hang out during the day."
Chef
"I avoid all... Oh, hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?"
Chef
"- This guy. - Don't. What are you writing?"
Chef
"Chef, don't... That's not a good idea."
Chef
"Just listen. I won't send it until we all say it's OK."
Chef
""Why don't you come by again tonight?"
Chef
""I got a whole new menu just for you, asshole.""
Chef
"- No, gimme the phone. - That's not good. Not a good idea."
Chef
"- Don't do it! - (TWITTER SOUND EFFECT)"
Chef
"- That's out there now, bro. It happened."
Chef
"- Why'd you do that? - You can't take that back."
Chef
"You know what? I threw down the gauntlet."
Chef
"So get ready for a fight."
Chef
"I'm gonna go drop Percy off and come back"
Chef
"and cook the menu we should've cooked last time."
Chef
"- So where are we going today? - I gotta drop you off, kid."
Chef
"I gotta go shopping for tonight. I'm sorry."
Chef
"- Can I come with you? - No, I'm sorry."
Chef
"(SIGHS) How come I'm, like, never allowed to be in the kitchen?"
Chef
"Because it's hot and it's loud and there's a lot of bad language."
Chef
"So? I hear bad language all the time."
Chef
"- Where? - Online."
Chef
"What kind of website could a 10-year-old get on that has bad language?"
Chef
"- YouTube. - YouTube has bad language?"
Chef
"Could I at least come shopping with you?"
Chef
"- No. - (SIGHS)"
Chef
"I got a lot to do and a lot on my mind."
Chef
"CARL: Look who's waiting for us. Hi, Mommy."
Chef
"Come here. I miss you. Give me a kiss."
Chef
"- Hi. - Hi."
Chef
"So my publicist said that she can talk to you."
Chef
"- Why don't you talk to her? - About what?"
Chef
"- About Twitter? - Everybody's reading what you wrote."
Chef
"- I don't think you get it. - Get what?"
Chef
"Let's call her. Go inside with me and we'll call her."
Chef
"Yes, please, tell her to call me immediately."
Chef
"I have Carl with me. I'm at home. Thank you."
Chef
"- Alright, I'm gonna go. - No, no, she's gonna call right back."
Chef
"- She was on the other line. - You're making more of this than it is."
Chef
"I just don't like to see you like this."
Chef
"Like what? I'm fine. I have to get to work."
Chef
"You're never going to be happy cooking for someone else."
Chef
"Is this about the food truck? I don't wanna talk about it again."
Chef
"Why not? You can cook your own food. You can be your own boss."
Chef
"I can book you for all the parties that I'm doing."
Chef
"I appreciate the offer, but I don't need any charity"
Chef
"from you or your ex-husband."
Chef
"- Why are you being so proud? - Because I'm working."
Chef
"And despite what you might think,"
Chef
"I have complete freedom to cook whatever I want now."
Chef
"I like my life."
Chef
"And as far as your publicist goes, when she calls back, you let her know"
Chef
"that I understand I shouldn't tweet any pictures of my dick"
Chef
"and any career advice should be kept to oneself."
Chef
"OK? I'll see you later. Thank you."
Chef
"- I got all this shit in the trunk. - Want me to do this?"
Chef
"- Is it on? - Yeah. We're doing it."
Chef
"- We're doing it, guys. - Come on. Let's get everything out."
Chef
"I want the Cambros, the delis out so we can start plating, OK?"
Chef
"Carl, can you tell me what's going on for tonight?"
Chef
"No, no, no, how many covers do we have tonight?"
Chef
"How many? We are overbooked. But I just printed out all the menus."
Chef
"Good. It's not the menu you got printed. It's different."
Chef
"- That's what I understand. - We're doing a tasting menu."
Chef
"- Carl, I have to put the wine... - A tasting menu for Ramsey Michel."
Chef
"- I know, but we... - He's coming. He knows about it."
Chef
"- Did you see the 'Eater' article? - I did."
Chef
"- I'm so excited for you. - It's all over the internet."
Chef
"- I love it when you're like this. - Taste the food."
Chef
"Bring in the waitstaff, have 'em taste the food."
Chef
"Make them understand what we're going for."
Chef
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