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Clips from Silicon Valley - The Cap Table (S01E01)

"- [Pop music playing] - [Chatter]"
Silicon Valley
"- [Knocking on door] - Holy shit."
Silicon Valley
"- Uh... - What the fuck is that?"
Silicon Valley
"Uh, that is Jared Dunn."
Silicon Valley
"He works for Gavin Belson."
Silicon Valley
"Hey. Sorry if I scared you."
Silicon Valley
"I know I have somewhat ghost-like features."
Silicon Valley
"My Uncle used to say,"
Silicon Valley
"You look like someone starved a virgin to death."
Silicon Valley
"It's... yeah. I can see it."
Silicon Valley
"[Both mumble]"
Silicon Valley
"I heard you were having a launch party."
Silicon Valley
"- Yeah. - Am I early?"
Silicon Valley
"No."
Silicon Valley
"Well then, a gift of congratulations."
Silicon Valley
"Now, if Gavin sent you here,"
Silicon Valley
"you should know that I've turned him down."
Silicon Valley
"I'm going with Peter Gregory."
Silicon Valley
"I'm actually picking up my check tomorrow."
Silicon Valley
"So I've made my decision."
Silicon Valley
"That's not why I'm here. It's just... [sighs]"
Silicon Valley
"Watching you say no to ten million dollars to build your own thing,"
Silicon Valley
"there's just something very exciting about that."
Silicon Valley
"Whoa. Whoa, whoa! What is he doing here?"
Silicon Valley
"Hey, this is a private party, buddy. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."
Silicon Valley
"- Oh, I didn't mean to... - You know, in the state of California"
Silicon Valley
"you can kill a man for entering your house without permission."
Silicon Valley
"Ok. I understand. Uh, thank you."
Silicon Valley
"Richard, I just wanna say, I really respect what you're doing here."
Silicon Valley
"And if you could ever use someone with my business development skill set,"
Silicon Valley
"I would love to be a part of this."
Silicon Valley
"The fuck you will be."
Silicon Valley
"We'll call you when we want pleated khakis."
Silicon Valley
"You know this is a fucking domestic?"
Silicon Valley
"Why... why were you so mean to him?"
Silicon Valley
"He wasn't spying on us. He just said he likes us."
Silicon Valley
"- He wants to join the company. - Of course he does, Richard."
Silicon Valley
"Let me explain something to you."
Silicon Valley
"Your whole life you've been an ugly chick"
Silicon Valley
"but now suddenly you're a hot chick,"
Silicon Valley
"with big tits and small nipples."
Silicon Valley
"So guys like that are gonna keep coming around."
Silicon Valley
"Don't be a slut, Richard."
Silicon Valley
"- I don't... - [Doorbell rings]"
Silicon Valley
"Now speaking of such things,"
Silicon Valley
"Dinesh, change the lighting to something erotic"
Silicon Valley
"because it's about to get pretty fucking erotic in here."
Silicon Valley
"License to kill-9. IB action-dot-erotica."
Silicon Valley
"Wha... what... What's going on?"
Silicon Valley
"- What's happening? - Gentlemen, I present to you..."
Silicon Valley
"Mochacino."
Silicon Valley
"Not this guy."
Silicon Valley
"Mochacino."
Silicon Valley
"She's my gift to you."
Silicon Valley
"You wanna smoke weed?"
Silicon Valley
"[Sighs]"
Silicon Valley
"Hey."
Silicon Valley
"Can somebody play something with a beat, please?"
Silicon Valley
"I'll go make a playlist."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah. I actually have some... some water, uh, cooking, I think."
Silicon Valley
"[Speaks foreign language]"
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, I don't pay for it. So..."
Silicon Valley
"Barking up the wrong tree here."
Silicon Valley
"God, I hate Palo Alto."
Silicon Valley
"[Hip hop music plays]"
Silicon Valley
"[Sniffs, clears throat]"
Silicon Valley
"Hello again."
Silicon Valley
"You know, I don't actually have a ton of dance music"
Silicon Valley
"but I turned the bass way up."
Silicon Valley
"Baby..."
Silicon Valley
"you're getting a private show."
Silicon Valley
"[Exhales] Hey."
Silicon Valley
"What the fuck?"
Silicon Valley
"Ok. There's the butt time."
Silicon Valley
"Hey, should we have left him in there by himself?"
Silicon Valley
"I mean, should we go back in there?"
Silicon Valley
"No interest. I entice the flesh, I don't pay for it."
Silicon Valley
"Plus, Tara's coming into town in a couple weeks."
Silicon Valley
"I'm saving up all my humors for her."
Silicon Valley
"You know what I mean?"
Silicon Valley
"- What's your excuse? - I didn't even shake"
Silicon Valley
"a woman's hand until I was 17-years-old."
Silicon Valley
"The idea of getting an erection around men I live and work with,"
Silicon Valley
"it's just not something I can handle."
Silicon Valley
"The idea that I have a boner and you have a boner"
Silicon Valley
"and he has a boner and we're all sitting there"
Silicon Valley
"with boners in our pants..."
Silicon Valley
"I wonder if he's ok in there."
Silicon Valley
"So what do you guys do here?"
Silicon Valley
"Oh, we're mostly working on a lossless compression algorithm."
Silicon Valley
"- A what? - It makes files smaller."
Silicon Valley
"Doesn't matter. Uh, it's called Pied Piper."
Silicon Valley
"It's gonna be famous. You'll know it, eventually."
Silicon Valley
"Who was this woman that you shook hands with for the first time?"
Silicon Valley
"The postman lady."
Silicon Valley
"- What? - A woman that was a man?"
Silicon Valley
"Not a post-man lady."
Silicon Valley
"- A lady who was a post... - Let me ask you another question."
Silicon Valley
"Who was the second woman you shook hands with?"
Silicon Valley
"[Big Head] I didn't even know you were coming."
Silicon Valley
"- [Mochacino] Stop. [Yells] Doug! - Oh, boy."
Silicon Valley
"- Stop. - I don't think I'm the one..."
Silicon Valley
"Someone is paying me. Ok. I didn't come"
Silicon Valley
"just to dance on your boner all night for free."
Silicon Valley
"I was not erect. I... that was... I was only being polite."
Silicon Valley
"So you were being polite when you said that you loved me?"
Silicon Valley
"First off, I said you seemed like someone I could fall in love with."
Silicon Valley
"And, yes, also politeness."
Silicon Valley
"Richie, pay the lady."
Silicon Valley
"What? Why... Why should I pay her?"
Silicon Valley
"I didn't hire her. I didn't even get a lap dance."
Silicon Valley
"This is a company party and you're the CEO."
Silicon Valley
"- So pony up. - No."
Silicon Valley
"If anyone should pay her it should be you."
Silicon Valley
"Doug, help the CEO find his money."
Silicon Valley
"No. No, no. We don't... I don't need help."
Silicon Valley
"I know where it is. It's here."
Silicon Valley
"- [Mochacino] Mm-hmm. - It's all here."
Silicon Valley
"Do you... I don't know... Do you accept amex?"
Silicon Valley
"- You damn right I do. - Put a hundred on there for yourself, Mocha."
Silicon Valley
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