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Clips from Archer - The Double Date (S11E11)

"What do you want me to do,"
Archer
"just leave the car here in the middle of 5th Ave?"
Archer
"‐ Oh, yes, big smiles."
Archer
"I, too, would be excited if I were about to overdose"
Archer
"somewhere in a hollowed‐out box spring."
Archer
"‐ You know, I've always thought"
Archer
"that busboys were the backbone of the restaurant industry."
Archer
"- I'm a woman. - And a beautiful one at that."
Archer
"- There you are! - Oh, you look like shit, dude."
Archer
"Have you been crying?"
Archer
"‐ Crying? [laughs] No."
Archer
"- all: Yes! - [cries]"
Archer
"‐ Okay, oh, Cyril."
Archer
"Come on, let's get out of here."
Archer
"‐ [clears throat] Cyril: Oh, uh,"
Archer
"right, the tab, uh‐‐"
Archer
"‐ Cyril, don't worry about the tab."
Archer
"I got this."
Archer
"[shouting] This waiter just touched my breasts!"
Archer
"[people gasp]"
Archer
"‐ What?"
Archer
"‐ Again, I just can't put into words"
Archer
"how mortified I am."
Archer
"‐ Well, you should be mortified."
Archer
"I know my breasts certainly are."
Archer
"Right, ladies?"
Archer
"‐ Hey, hot shot,"
Archer
"call me if you ever want to have your world rocked."
Archer
"Lana: You voted libertarian? Robert: Sure, twice."
Archer
"Hey, I know seat belts save lives,"
Archer
"but who is the government to require me to wear one?"
Archer
"‐ Is there anything else you haven't told me?"
Archer
"- No. - In my experience,"
Archer
"you have to ask exploratory questions, like..."
Archer
"Robert, have you ever done anything"
Archer
"that you're deeply sad about?"
Archer
"‐ I mean, I guess if I had to pick one thing..."
Archer
"oh, gosh, it'd be the dogs."
Archer
"‐ The dogs?"
Archer
"‐ I've had 11 dogs die on me."
Archer
"‐ 11? How is that possible?"
Archer
"‐ Well, you know, there's just a huge language barrier."
Archer
"‐ [shouting] Oh, my God, what the hell is wrong with you?"
Archer
"‐ [Southern accent] What beautiful architecture"
Archer
"they have here in New York City, New York,"
Archer
"where we are visiting as tourists."
Archer
"[whispering] Jesus Christ, Lana, will you quit fighting"
Archer
"with your husband before you give us away?"
Archer
"‐ [angry whisper] We wouldn't be in a fight if you hadn't"
Archer
"set up this stupid double date in the first place."
Archer
"[loudly] Boy howdy."
Archer
"I sure hope someday we get these kind"
Archer
"of tall buildings back at home in... Arizona."
Archer
"‐ Shit, he's heading to the park."
Archer
"[soft dramatic music]"
Archer
"♪ ♪"
Archer
"Follow that horse! And step on it!"
Archer
"[driver clicks tongue, horse whinnies]"
Archer
"‐ You there, follow that cab!"
Archer
"- On a break. - Let me try."
Archer
"Well, I can see why they call it a hansom cab."
Archer
"You sure are the best‐looking son of a gun"
Archer
"I've seen all night."
Archer
"‐ Oh, is that a fact?"
Archer
"‐ Oh, I was talking to the horse."
Archer
"I figured he ran the business."
Archer
"[both laugh]"
Archer
"‐ Gosh, oh, that's good."
Archer
"[dramatic music]"
Archer
"‐ Hmm, they seem to be in love."
Archer
"Wonder whose still‐breathing body they met over."
Archer
"‐ Oh, my God, you are absolutely cracked in the head."
Archer
"We weren't even together when you went into a coma, okay?"
Archer
"You were banging some old broad who then,"
Archer
"God bless her soul, shot you."
Archer
"‐ Better to be shot than stabbed in the back, Lana."
Archer
"‐ I'm surprised this isn't something you've mentioned"
Archer
"about your time in a coma if it bothers you so much."
Archer
"‐ Oh, it doesn't."
Archer
"‐ Why do you even care that I'm with Robert?"
Archer
"- I don't! - It was clear that you"
Archer
"were never going to commit to me."
Archer
"‐ You don't know that!"
Archer
"‐ So if Lana hadn't met Robert..."
Archer
"‐ Over my still very much alive body"
Archer
"with a functioning sex organ,"
Archer
"as I imagine was included in my records."
Archer
"‐ Then you would've wanted to be together?"
Archer
"‐ Excuse me!"
Archer
"Whose ass do I have to kiss"
Archer
"to get more hot cocoa back here?"
Archer
"[horse whinnies]"
Archer
"‐ Coney Island?"
Archer
"Look, I appreciate you guys bringing me here"
Archer
"to cheer me up, but I'm a grown man."
Archer
"‐ Oh, cheer you up?"
Archer
"A waiter just touched my breasts, asshole."
Archer
"‐ If you're in need of some cheering up,"
Archer
"this is the place. Come on."
Archer
"Whoa, look! Wacky mirrors!"
Archer
"[carnival music playing]"
Archer
"♪ ♪"
Archer
"Malory: Driver!"
Archer
"Now we're going too fast!"
Archer
"We're trying to follow that horse in front of us,"
Archer
"not inseminate it."
Archer
"‐ I remember when the park was a place you'd come"
Archer
"to get away from the hustle and bustle."
Archer
"‐ Me too. I had an aunt who'd take me here."
Archer
"We'd sit on a park bench for hours,"
Archer
"just chatting and throwing lit matches at the pigeons."
Archer
"‐ My friends and I would feed the pigeons Alka‐Seltzer,"
Archer
"watch them explode!"
Archer
"[both laugh]"
Archer
"Yeah!"
Archer
"both: Slow the hell down!"
Archer
"‐ Come on, buddy, what's got you so down?"
Archer
"- You can talk to ol' Pam. - It's... Archer."
Archer
"‐ And what about him?"
Archer
"‐ I hate him!"
Archer
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