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Clips from Archer - The Double Date (S11E11)

"The bodyguard is now locked"
Archer
"in a bathroom supply... closet."
Archer
"[sighs]"
Archer
"It's my mission."
Archer
"‐ Okay, so here we have the first courses,"
Archer
"fried lobster in puff pastry"
Archer
"over four‐cheese grits."
Archer
"‐ [crying]"
Archer
"- [engine revving] - All right, Gabrielle,"
Archer
"get ready for the ride of your..."
Archer
"[tires squealing]"
Archer
"[tires screeching]"
Archer
"Life. [horns honking]"
Archer
"‐ Uh, what did he just say?"
Archer
"‐ Life, Robert! He said life!"
Archer
"He was finishing a thought from before!"
Archer
"‐ [laughs] ‐ Archer!"
Archer
"‐ I'm sorry."
Archer
"He did a "what did he just say?""
Archer
"He's doing all the top ten old‐guy hits,"
Archer
"coast‐to‐coast!"
Archer
"[jazzy music]"
Archer
"Malory: This is what happens"
Archer
"when you give bicyclists their own lane."
Archer
"What's next, a lane for vegetarians?"
Archer
"‐ Sorry, Gabrielle."
Archer
"It's usually a little chasier than this."
Archer
"‐ Oh, no, don't apologize."
Archer
"This is a great opportunity for me to get to know"
Archer
"your friends just a little bit better."
Archer
"‐ All right, I'll start. Uh, this one's for anybody."
Archer
"Who's ever met a potential love interest"
Archer
"over the unconscious body of their child's father?"
Archer
"- Oh, my God. This again? - This again, what?"
Archer
"‐ Well, you got shot by a murder suspect"
Archer
"you were supposed to be investigating"
Archer
"but instead were having sex with who, by the way,"
Archer
"after shooting you, got away!"
Archer
"‐ Hey, look what we got going on back here."
Archer
"I feel like the cream inside of an Ore‐‐"
Archer
"‐ Do not finish that sentence."
Archer
"‐ Hey, Kyle."
Archer
"Would you mind parking the dessert cart over here?"
Archer
"And you might want to throw the emergency brake on,"
Archer
"because I have a feeling things could go sideways pretty fast."
Archer
"‐ Actually, sir, some diners have been complaining"
Archer
"that your constant crying and chewing"
Archer
"is bumming them out."
Archer
"[whispering] If you wouldn't mind..."
Archer
"‐ Oh, they didn't leave a credit card?"
Archer
"Jeezy Petes!"
Archer
"I had a serving of bone marrow, not a goddamn transplant."
Archer
"[sighs] All right, I‐‐"
Archer
"Hey! My jacket's gone!"
Archer
"Listen, Kyle, my wallet was in my jacket,"
Archer
"and it appears my friends must've grabbed it."
Archer
"So I'm gonna have to... [footsteps approaching]"
Archer
"To have someone come down"
Archer
"and meet me here with a credit card."
Archer
"‐ There you go."
Archer
"‐ Don't spray that urine on my son's window."
Archer
"If you want a dollar for doing nothing, walk to Canada."
Archer
"‐ What are you even doing on this mission to begin with?"
Archer
"‐ Cyril needed me."
Archer
"It would've looked weird for him to be sitting"
Archer
"at that restaurant all alone."
Archer
"‐ Who were you supposed to be?"
Archer
"‐ His date, obviously."
Archer
"[laughter]"
Archer
"‐ Excuse me, it's not that crazy at all"
Archer
"that these two would be together."
Archer
"Not much further apart in age than Lana and I are."
Archer
"- Self‐burn. - Plus, she's beautiful"
Archer
"and successful."
Archer
"You know who you remind me of, Malory?"
Archer
"My ex‐wife."
Archer
"‐ Malory reminds you of Linda? The supermodel?"
Archer
"‐ No, no, no, no, no, no."
Archer
"I'm talking about Zelda, my first ex‐wife."
Archer
"- Linda was my third ex‐wife. - Your what?"
Archer
"‐ Oh, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby."
Archer
"I think the phrase you're looking for is "gulp.""
Archer
"[laughter]"
Archer
"‐ What's wrong with your face, Krieger?"
Archer
"‐ Yeah. Did you rack your nuts on your proton pack?"
Archer
"‐ [laughs]"
Archer
"‐ Oh, Mitsuko and I got into an argument."
Archer
"She said she thinks maybe her feelings are changing about us."
Archer
"‐ Let me tell you something everyone hears"
Archer
"at some point in their lives:"
Archer
"that anime hologram's just not that into you."
Archer
"‐ No! It's probably just a phase, right?"
Archer
"- [phone rings] - Yello?"
Archer
"‐ Pam! Listen! [chuckles awkwardly]"
Archer
"I need you to come to L'Orange."
Archer
"Archer stuck me with a huge tab,"
Archer
"then left with my coat which had my wallet in it,"
Archer
"and there's a menacing busboy who won't stop staring at me."
Archer
"Pam: And you want me to come over there"
Archer
"and blow a busboy so he'll forget about your dinner tab."
Archer
"‐ What? No, come with money to pay the tab."
Archer
"Pam: Oh. Lame."
Archer
"‐ Okay, let me get this straight."
Archer
"You've been married four times and it never occurred to you"
Archer
"to share that information with your wife?"
Archer
"‐ It's personal, dear."
Archer
"I didn't ask you how many times you'd been married."
Archer
"‐ Zero! I'd been married zero times!"
Archer
"‐ Well, now I see why."
Archer
"‐ [laughs]"
Archer
"‐ Who were they?"
Archer
"‐ Linda, of course."
Archer
"Then Hafsa, she was a gift from the Saudi crown."
Archer
"Would've been rude to say no. And then Zelda."
Archer
"We didn't technically divorce. I lost her on safari."
Archer
"‐ Oh, my God, this guy's on fire."
Archer
"‐ I'm not sure if it's a big deal, but..."
Archer
"that guy you're following, he just got out of that cab."
Archer
"‐ Damn it, he's getting away! Follow him!"
Archer
"‐ I can't, Mother!"
Archer
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