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Clips from Archer - The Double Date (S11E11)

"‐ Isn't that what you wanted?"
Archer
"‐ And sure enough, we made love right there in the jazz club."
Archer
"And to this day, I can't even hear"
Archer
"a muted trumpet without getting erect!"
Archer
"[mimics trumpet fanfare]"
Archer
"‐ What a great story, Robert."
Archer
"I just wish it could've been louder and grosser."
Archer
"‐ Kyle! Do us a favor and put our food in, would ya?"
Archer
"‐ Absolutely. What would you like?"
Archer
"‐ You order for us, Kyle."
Archer
"I'm talkin' apps, entrées‐‐ the whole nine yards."
Archer
"‐ You're trusting Kyle to pick our food?"
Archer
"The entirety of his life's decisions"
Archer
"have led him to this job and that haircut."
Archer
"No offense, Kyle."
Archer
"Hey, there they are, the two prettiest ladies in the joint."
Archer
"Or more specifically, a clear number one"
Archer
"and a not‐as‐well‐read, big‐boned runner‐up."
Archer
"‐ You know what? Let me ask you a question."
Archer
"‐ What the hell are you doing?"
Archer
"You're supposed to be staking out Victor Cherenenko."
Archer
"‐ Will you two be joining the table?"
Archer
"- No, definitely not. - We were just leaving."
Archer
"- Sure. - Gabrielle, you could"
Archer
"scooch in next to me."
Archer
"‐ Ooh, who's Victor Cherenenko?"
Archer
"‐ Oh, Russian hacker,"
Archer
"one of Interpol's most wanted, Gabrielle."
Archer
"Huge reward out for him."
Archer
"And I am the one responsible‐‐"
Archer
"‐ Actually, I'm in charge of the mission."
Archer
"How are you? Cyril Figgis."
Archer
"‐ Calm down, Cyril."
Archer
"You're getting desperation all over my hot scientist."
Archer
"‐ I probably shouldn't be showing you this."
Archer
"You look like someone who can be trusted."
Archer
"See, for years, no one has been able to find this guy,"
Archer
"but recently he's been popping his head up in public."
Archer
"So as team leader, I took it upon myself"
Archer
"to synthesize data from his financial records, and ta‐da."
Archer
"‐ You were able to produce that wet diaper"
Archer
"of a worthless dossier."
Archer
"The thing says Cherenenko is a regular at this place,"
Archer
"and yet‐‐"
Archer
"‐ Hey, isn't that him? Cherenenko?"
Archer
"Cyril: You see that, Archer? I was right."
Archer
"He's here after all."
Archer
"‐ I mean, it doesn't take that much"
Archer
"to look at a credit card statement"
Archer
"and see that guy comes to a restaurant a lot"
Archer
"and that‐‐ ‐ God damn it, Archer!"
Archer
"‐ Wow, this is so exciting!"
Archer
"So what do we do now? Like, go detain him?"
Archer
"‐ [laughs] Oh, man."
Archer
"Guess they don't teach you everything"
Archer
"in neurobiology school."
Archer
"‐ Well, no, obviously not."
Archer
"‐ As much as I love taking advice on spycraft"
Archer
"from civilians, you can't just go up and detain"
Archer
"a guy with an armed bodyguard protecting him."
Archer
"‐ Lana's right."
Archer
"Even if we took the bodyguard out,"
Archer
"we'd have 50 Russian goons on our doorstep"
Archer
"looking for blood in the morning."
Archer
"‐ Uh, yeah, that's what I'm saying."
Archer
"So the plan is, we go over‐‐"
Archer
"‐ Excuse me, I'm in charge, and as such,"
Archer
"I have constructed our apprehension strategy."
Archer
"Okay, we wait for him to leave, and we tail him."
Archer
"Then we find an opportunity"
Archer
"to separate him from his bodyguard,"
Archer
"lure him somewhere quiet, and bring him down."
Archer
"Voilà. A classic Figgis."
Archer
"‐ I thought a classic Figgis was when you get"
Archer
"your genitals caught in the zipper of a sleeping bag."
Archer
"‐ You know very well that wasn't user error."
Archer
"There was a factory recall!"
Archer
"I'm going to the men's room real quick."
Archer
"Don't do anything without me."
Archer
"‐ So, Gabrielle, how do you feel about jazz?"
Archer
"[urinal flushes]"
Archer
"‐ And how are you this evening, sir?"
Archer
"‐ Very well, thank you."
Archer
"I actually just had a, uh,"
Archer
"pretty big professional victory."
Archer
"- [faucet running] - That is wonderful, sir."
Archer
"‐ Thanks. You know that feeling when you take"
Archer
"a big step forward at work and people notice?"
Archer
"‐ Yes, sir. Very magical, sir."
Archer
"‐ Oh, uh, I left my wallet in my jacket,"
Archer
"and I'll just‐‐"
Archer
"[urinal flushes] Good call. I'm on a diet."
Archer
"May I offer you a towel?"
Archer
"‐ Hey, excuse me, sir‐‐"
Archer
"[blow lands]"
Archer
"‐ [grunts] [blow lands]"
Archer
"[dramatic music]"
Archer
"‐ [groans]"
Archer
"‐ [moaning]"
Archer
"‐ Ooh, he's really giving it to her."
Archer
"‐ [gasps] Malory: They're leaving."
Archer
"Lana: Perfect, when they get outside, we follow them."
Archer
"‐ Gabrielle, I'm sorry to tell you,"
Archer
"but you're about to dive headfirst"
Archer
"into a high‐speed chase, so buckle up."
Archer
"‐ Shouldn't we just leave her here?"
Archer
"‐ No, Lana, I'm sorry you're threatened"
Archer
"because Gabrielle is so smart and accomplished and‐‐"
Archer
"- Hot. - Thank you, horny new guy."
Archer
"We are not ditching her. Here, put this on, Gabrielle."
Archer
"I wouldn't want you to catch cold."
Archer
"You should, uh, put this on to, um,"
Archer
"cover up your hideous..."
Archer
"elbows."
Archer
"‐ Ya had trouble finding something, didn't ya?"
Archer
"‐ Shut up, Lana!"
Archer
"[lively jazz music]"
Archer
"Hold on."
Archer
"All right, go! Everybody into my car."
Archer
"Cyril: Good news."
Archer
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