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Clips from Bob's Burgers - Sheesh! Cab, Bob? (S01E01)

"Whatever issues we have shouldn't matter."
Bob's Burgers
"Just please let Jimmy Jr. go."
Bob's Burgers
"Okay. Okay. You know it's gonna cost you, right?"
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"- Oh, God. - You see, Bob..."
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"I'm a collector of rare and exotic trophies."
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"- Well, that's pathetic. - And you have something I want to add to my collection."
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"Your mustache."
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"Your bushy, robust, filthy eyesore of a mustache."
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"What are you talking about?"
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"I want you to shave your mustache..."
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"and bring it over in a baggie, and I'll pin it on the wall."
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"- Wh-Why? - As a trophy."
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"- Trophies! - Well, I'm not giving you my mustache."
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"Well, I'm not giving you Jimmy Jr. then."
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"This is crazy. Just let him go to my daughters party."
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"If you want a bag of hair so bad..."
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"why don't you just pick it out of the food you serve here?"
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"- Ka-boom! - How dare you."
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"No 'stache, no bash."
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"[Bell Rings]"
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"So, what'd he say, honey?"
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"Are these lips gonna see any playing time?"
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"Yeah, is Jimmy Jr. coming to my party?"
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"No, Tina. I'm sorry. He's not."
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"- [Groans] - What happened?"
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"- You two couldn't work it out? - No! We couldn't work it out, Linda."
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"He said the only way he'll let Jimmy Jr. go is if I shave my mustache and give it to him."
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"So Jimmy Jr. can come to my party?"
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"What? No, Tina."
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"But if all you have to do is shave your mustache, then he can come."
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"Yeah, it sounds to me like you just said that Jimmy Jr. can come."
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"That's What I heard. Done deal."
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"I'm not shaving my mustache. It's my mustache!"
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"- [Grunting] - Hey. No. Watch it."
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"You know, Bobby, you're just as handsome Without the mustache, kinda."
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"Uh, so that's What we should show our kids, Lin-"
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"that it's okay to negotiate with terrorists?"
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"I'd drive a cab every night for the rest of my life for my kids..."
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"but I'm not letting Jimmy Pesto humiliate me."
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"You're the most selfish father in the world."
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"- Oh, Bob. - Good night!"
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"You can't shave it, Bob. It's glorious."
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"Oh, I miss having a mustache."
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"- Miss it? Honey, news flash. - I can see it from here."
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"- You can see it from space. - Stop it, Cha-Cha."
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"- I will thumb your eyeballs out of your skull. - Ay!"
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"Hey, come on, Glitter. Your- I happen to like the way your upper lip looks."
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"Thank you, Prince Valiant."
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"- Your shift's almost over, right, papi? - Uh, yeah, it is."
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"- Why don't you join us for a beer? - Yeah!"
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"- We'll throw back a few beers and smoke some crack. - Crack?"
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"Just the beer then?"
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"What is that? Oof! Your breath!"
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"- I know. - Bobby, listen."
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"- Hmm? - All right, I talked to Tina."
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"I told her how hard you've been working, and she agreed to come to the party tonight."
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"For a few minutes. It's something."
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"- [Slurred] What party? - Bob, you're delirious."
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"- Shh. You are. - You're drunk."
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"I may or may not have tried crack."
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"- Okay. - Last night. I don't think I did."
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"But if I did, I liked it."
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"Okay, Bobby, listen, go take a nap, and I'll watch the restaurant, please."
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"- Take off your clothes. - Bobby!"
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"- I got to go to bed. - Bobby."
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"- I don't want to do this. - Stop it."
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"- Pull it together. - [Groaning]"
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"- I'm like an animal! - Keep your voice down."
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"I'm like King Kong!"
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"- Unbelievable. - I need to go to bed."
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"- Good night. - Go get me special pillow."
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"Hurry, hurry, hurry."
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"Hey, sleepy bear."
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"What time is it? How much longer till the party?"
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"- It started a half hour ago. - What?"
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"Ow! [Groans] You let me sleep all clay'? Why didn't you wake me up'?"
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"I tried. That was not the first pickle I dropped on your face."
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"Oh."
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"- ♪ [Pop] ♪ - The boys hate dancing, and the girls won’t ask the boys."
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"It's a Mexican stalemate out there."
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"Come on, boys. You're the peanut butter. Girls, you're the jelly."
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"Let's make some sandwiches!"
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"Oh, God, why is Mort doing magic?"
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"It's his gift to Tina."
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"Uh-oh. I mean, ta-da!"
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"- [Door Bell Jingles] - [Bob] Whoa."
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"Tina, you look great."
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"[Sighs]"
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"Maybe I can cheer her up. Louise, smoke me."
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"Whoo-hoo!"
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"Tina, dance with Mommy."
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"[Grunting]"
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"It's a party. All right!"
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"- Did someone say party? - They don't go to my school."
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"- ♪ [Stops] ♪ - I'm sorry, ladies. We're closed for a private party."
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"- We were invited by Bob. - Bob?"
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"You invited transvestite prostitutes..."
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"to our daughter's birthday party?"
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"No."
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"Maybe. I- This week has been kind of a blur."
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"All of you are coming to my daughter's party."
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"- We're gonna have so much fun. Bring Whoever you want. - [Cheering]"
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"I might have thrown it out there."
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"Is this the sweet 13 party?"
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"Dad, you brought all your nighttime friends..."
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"but you won’t shave your mustache to get me Jimmy Jr.?"
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"- [Groans] - Where do I put my coat?"
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"Oh, hey, Marshmallow."
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"So, Marshmallow, how'd you get your name?"
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"'Cause if you show me a sweet potato pie, I am on top of it."
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"I knew it!"
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"Tina, I know you're upset because Jimmy Jr.'s not here..."
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"and that there are more transvestites than you imagined, but-"
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"Unless you're Jimmy Jr. and you're here to kiss my lips, I don't want to talk to you."
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",/',/' [Pop Continues]"
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"Come on, girl. it's your party! You might as well enjoy it."
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"It's like I always say. When life gives you lemons, tuck em'!"
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"Uh, I think What my girlfriend here is trying to say is..."
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"when it's time for you to blossom into a woman..."
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"you can't let anything stop you."
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