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Clips from The Goldbergs - Weird Al (S03E03)

"ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,"
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"But there's only one musical bad boy"
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"who rocked my world."
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"Weird Al."
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"Dare to be stupid?"
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"You know it!"
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"Weird Al made me want to write comedy."
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"The way he'd parody a pop song never ceased to amaze me."
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"Is that my Cher wig from Halloween?"
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"Darn right."
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"Can I borrow some hair spray? I think I need more body."
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"You are so weird."
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"Weird Al even inspired me to write my own parody songs."
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"Good news, bro."
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"I've decided to honor you in song."
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"It's about time!"
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"You know the Wang Chung song Everybody have fun tonight?"
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"Well, I changed all the lyrics to make them all about you."
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"Ah, you've improved the song. Let's hear it."
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"¶ Everybody have fun tonight"
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"¶ My brother Barry is a wang tonight"
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"¶ Barry's gonna kick your ass tonight ¶"
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"Yep, Weird Al was my comic muse,"
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"and I finally had the chance to see him live."
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"Mom, I have the single greatest news on the planet."
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"You have that terrible disease that makes you stop growing,"
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"and you're gonna stay my little schmoopie forever."
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"No. Weird Al is playing at the Mann Music Center."
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"And you want to take your mama as your date. Aw."
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"Stop hearing what you want and listen."
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"He has two shows this week,"
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"and Dana's in town visiting her grandma."
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"I'll surprise her with tickets!"
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"While I find his Hawaiian shirts festive,"
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"you're much too young"
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"to go to a family-friendly comedy show unsupervised."
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"Please, you have to say yes. Dana's the love of my life."
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"(GROANS)"
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"I mean, after you. (GROANS)"
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"The best mama in the world."
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"(GROANS)"
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"I'll let you sniff the top of my head for two seconds."
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"Thirty. Five."
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"Ten. Five."
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"Thirty. Done."
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"(MUSIC PLAYING)"
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"¶ I'm twisted up inside"
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"¶ But nonetheless I feel the need to say"
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"¶ I don't know the future"
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"¶ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶"
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"ADULT ADAM: It was February 12, 1980-something,"
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"the day my brother actually got involved in school."
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"What's that? Just a lame old sign-up sheet"
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"for kids that want to become peer counselors."
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"(CHUCKLES) It's a boring old club for nerds."
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"You're not a nerd, are you?"
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"'Cause this here, this is nerd city."
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"Sign me up. What? No."
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"You're underselling it,"
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"which means it's awesome, and I want in."
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"(SIGHS)"
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"Look, Mr. Goldberg, I have dreamt of starting"
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"a peer-counseling program at this school for years."
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"I need emotionally mature students"
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"who are a healing presence in school."
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"Well, you just got yourself"
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"an officially licensed school therapist."
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"No! Wow. Do not tell people that."
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"It's too late. I signed the sheet,"
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"which means I can advise anyone on anything,"
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"and they have to listen to me."
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"That's not what it means."
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"Fellas, I've recently become a fully licensed and bonded"
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"medical psychiatrist, so if any of you want"
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"to work through your personal issues, this is your safe space."
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"I really miss my grandpa."
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"You're short, be taller. Boom. Next!"
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"There's this girl I like,"
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"but she won't give me the time of day."
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"Well, that's 'cause you suck at nunchucks, bro."
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"The fastest way to a girl's heart is some sweet chuckin'."
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"Boom. Next!"
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"I feel like my father doesn't respect me."
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"So be less boring."
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"Boom! Next! No, stop!"
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"No one listen to a word this douche-monger just said."
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"Naked Rob, just open up to your dad a bit."
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"Nothing earns respect more"
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"than being honest with how you feel."
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"And, Andy, it's perfectly normal to miss your grandpa,"
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"no matter what size you are."
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"And, you, this girl, who's clearly me,"
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"just wants to be friends."
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"My heart hurts, but I appreciate the open communication,"
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"and it only makes me like you more."
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"Well, well."
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"God gives you one Goldberg and counters it with another."
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"You're right. She's the worst."
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"JTP out."
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"Erica, look, I'm not gonna beat around the bush about this."
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"I need you to become a peer counselor."
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"You're smart, you're popular, and only you can undo"
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"the terrible damage that your brother"
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"is going to wreak upon this school."
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"I appreciate the offer, but--"
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"I'll give you an "A" in any class you want."
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"What? You can do that?"
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"Open up a file cabinet and make a mark with my pen?"
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"(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I can do that."
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"Seems wrong to give me an "A" in gym"
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"when I've been cutting all year."
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"That said, I won't notice"
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"'cause I'll be too busy counseling peers and stuff."
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"(CHUCKLES) Deal. (MILK CARTON CLATTERS)"
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"Here's your informational binder"
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"and your therapy puppet."
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"This is usually for smaller kids,"
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"but the burners like it, too. (CHUCKLES)"
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"ADULT ADAM: As Erica was getting ready to connect with others,"
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"I was about to reconnect with the love of my life."
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