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Clips from Silicon Valley - Articles of Incorporation (S01E01)

"[Phone rings]"
Silicon Valley
"It's the guy with the name."
Silicon Valley
"Hello, Arnold."
Silicon Valley
"Cut the shit."
Silicon Valley
"I just read Recode.net."
Silicon Valley
"You read Recode?"
Silicon Valley
"I do when my customers tell me"
Silicon Valley
"the name of my company's all over the Internet."
Silicon Valley
"But you'd probably think I'm just out here shitting in a hole and wiping with my hand."
Silicon Valley
"No, no, no, I don't think you do that."
Silicon Valley
"Do people think you do that? Do you do that?"
Silicon Valley
"[Arnold] No, no, no!"
Silicon Valley
"I'm not falling for that phony, mumbley-mouth,"
Silicon Valley
"googly-eyed routine again."
Silicon Valley
"If you're this tech billionaire,"
Silicon Valley
"why did I give you the name Pied Piper for next to nothing?"
Silicon Valley
"You played me."
Silicon Valley
"You want the name, it's going to cost you 250 grand."
Silicon Valley
"Ok, I think you just need to talk to the guy who said all that."
Silicon Valley
"And he can clear it up for you."
Silicon Valley
"- Where's Erlich? - He's outside with the intern."
Silicon Valley
"What intern? You got interns?"
Silicon Valley
"We might as well have interns, we hire illegal aliens."
Silicon Valley
"- What? - No, no. We don't have either of those things."
Silicon Valley
"I'll tell you what, asshole,"
Silicon Valley
"you use the name Pied Piper again, I'm going to call my lawyer"
Silicon Valley
"and we're gonna sue the shit out of you."
Silicon Valley
"- Fucking billionaires. - Arnold? Arnold, hello?"
Silicon Valley
"- That sounded sub-optimal. - Yeah, it was."
Silicon Valley
"Hey, Jared, you know who else is Canadian? Justin Bieber, the Hitler of music."
Silicon Valley
"Do you have a problem with me being Canadian?"
Silicon Valley
"I do, actually."
Silicon Valley
"Do you have any idea how long it took me to become a citizen?"
Silicon Valley
"Did it take you a long time?"
Silicon Valley
"I'm glad I didn't do it then."
Silicon Valley
"Typical lazy immigrant."
Silicon Valley
"These people think they can just walk into this country..."
Silicon Valley
"[Gilfoyle] I did just walk into this country."
Silicon Valley
"My car broke down on the ambassador bridge."
Silicon Valley
"It took me an extra 15 minutes to get across the border. Major hassle."
Silicon Valley
"You know, Hitler actually played the bassoon."
Silicon Valley
"So, technically, Hitler was the Hitler of music."
Silicon Valley
"[Sighs]"
Silicon Valley
"I don't understand. I thought you closed the name."
Silicon Valley
"Well, I guess it's still a little ajar, I don't know."
Silicon Valley
"Who am I, Herb Cohen? [Chuckles]"
Silicon Valley
"- I don't know who that is. - Neither do I."
Silicon Valley
"That's a... That's a Jared thing."
Silicon Valley
"Hey! Make sure to clean off all the gunk off the front bumper, ok."
Silicon Valley
"And since when do we have an intern program?"
Silicon Valley
"We don't. And when Keith finds that out,"
Silicon Valley
"it's gonna be a valuable business lesson for him."
Silicon Valley
"What? Those are the Pied Piper shirts!"
Silicon Valley
"- Are you Richard? - Yeah. Yes."
Silicon Valley
"Ok, look, I fucked up. What do we do now?"
Silicon Valley
"Who's we?"
Silicon Valley
"This morning you rudely reminded me"
Silicon Valley
"that I wasn't a founder of this company and now"
Silicon Valley
"you want me to hold your hand and help you out?"
Silicon Valley
"I don't think so, sister."
Silicon Valley
"This credit card is no good."
Silicon Valley
"Declined."
Silicon Valley
"[Sighs] Great. Great."
Silicon Valley
"That stupid margarita machine maxed me out."
Silicon Valley
"So now the CEO of Pied Piper can't even afford to buy lunch."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, I don't think we can use that name anymore."
Silicon Valley
"Dude! Dude, hey. I owe you a big apology, man."
Silicon Valley
"I had no idea who you were before and I read all this coverage"
Silicon Valley
"about your company online, and I was like, Hey, Pied Piper!"
Silicon Valley
"I met this dude! He came into the store"
Silicon Valley
"and told me my parking app was fucking awesome!"
Silicon Valley
"[Stutters] I did?"
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, so my mom was like, Wow, really?"
Silicon Valley
"You should really pursue it!"
Silicon Valley
"And I was like, Yeah, I should."
Silicon Valley
"The parking app?"
Silicon Valley
"So she decides to get a reverse mortgage on her home"
Silicon Valley
"and write me a check."
Silicon Valley
"- Ooh... - So I'm funded!"
Silicon Valley
"Because of you, man."
Silicon Valley
"I was this close to giving up, and now you gave me my dream back, man!"
Silicon Valley
"- But... - Oh, hey, Ron!"
Silicon Valley
"You see this guy? This billionaire here?"
Silicon Valley
"He's the reason why I'm quitting! [Chuckles]"
Silicon Valley
"- Jamie, you don't... - Well, you've helped me so much,"
Silicon Valley
"what can I do for you?"
Silicon Valley
"[Gulps] Well, I need to return this machine"
Silicon Valley
"because I'm broke, and I need money for food."
Silicon Valley
"Just a quick question."
Silicon Valley
"Uh, is this gonna be a cash return, or does it credit back to the card?"
Silicon Valley
"All right, what about Smaller, spelled S-M-L-L-R?"
Silicon Valley
"You know, because we make things smaller,"
Silicon Valley
"and this would be like a smaller version of the word smaller."
Silicon Valley
"- It looks like Smeller. - Ok."
Silicon Valley
"What if we spell it..."
Silicon Valley
"S-M-L-R?"
Silicon Valley
"Because that's an even smaller version of the word smaller."
Silicon Valley
"Then it looks like Smiler."
Silicon Valley
"We're not gonna kick the shit"
Silicon Valley
"out of Nucleus with Smiler."
Silicon Valley
"Where's Richard? Why isn't he in here for this?"
Silicon Valley
"I think he was out back, wishing he'd taken the ten million dollars."
Silicon Valley
"No, I just saw him in his room, wishing he had taken the ten million dollars."
Silicon Valley
"You know smiler is also something that guys call women's assholes."
Silicon Valley
"[Door opens]"
Silicon Valley
"Richard, why aren't you in there, coming up with new names?"
Silicon Valley
"I don't want a new name. I want Pied Piper."
Silicon Valley
"But, apparently, I can't have that."
Silicon Valley
"So now I have to come up with a new name"
Silicon Valley
"and take that to Peter Gregory and ask for a new check"
Silicon Valley
"he's gonna know pull our funding, Gavin Belson's going to crush us,"
Silicon Valley
"and we will be ruined because I have no idea what I'm doing."
Silicon Valley
"Neither did Zuckerberg when he was running Facebook at 19."
Silicon Valley
"You think he had any real-world business experience? No. None."
Silicon Valley
"But he was such a tough negotiator that now all of his friends are suing him."
Silicon Valley
"How awesome is that? And Steve Jobs?"
Silicon Valley
"He took a shit-ton of hallucinogens."
Silicon Valley
"What a coincidence."
Silicon Valley
"Maybe something that you could actually do."
Silicon Valley
"I'm not going on some fucking vision quest."
Silicon Valley
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