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Clips from Silicon Valley - Articles of Incorporation (S01E01)

"[Gavin] The greatness of human accomplishment has always been measured by size."
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"The bigger, the better."
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"Until now."
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"Nanotech."
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"Smart cars."
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"Small is the new big."
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"In the coming months, Hooli will deliver Nucleus,"
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"the most sophisticated compression software platform the world has ever seen."
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"Because if we can make your audio and video files smaller,"
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"we can make cancer smaller. And hunger. And AIDS."
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"[Dinesh] What an asshole."
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"Why would he announce it so far ahead of the actual rollout?"
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"No one does that."
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"He's got to be doing it just to fuck with us, right?"
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"I actually think we're ok. The player I gave them"
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"was from a retired repository that was audio only."
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"Video compression is a completely different paradigm."
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"What they have is like Pied Piper, but not as good."
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"- People will see that. - Not if they get to market before us."
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"Inferior products win out all the time."
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"Like Jesus over Satan."
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"I was going to say VHS over Beta."
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"Ok, well, actually this is a superior product, right here."
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"Is it a margarita machine?"
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"It's better."
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"My first official purchase as CEO of Pied Piper."
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"That's not really our logo is it?"
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"It looks like a guy sucking a dick"
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"and he's got another dick tucked behind his ear for later."
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"- Like a snack dick. It does. - No, it's... it's Pied Pipe..."
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"Here, put them on."
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"Gilfoyle, come on."
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"I don't want it."
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"Jared, I bought these t-shirts with my credit card"
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"but I think I'm close to being maxed out, so..."
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"Yeah, um, we may have a little problem there."
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"Peter Gregory's check. So?"
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"So, it's made out to Pied Piper Incorporated,"
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"I checked with the Secretary of State website,"
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"and there's already a Pied Piper operating in California."
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"So we need to change our name."
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"- Thank God! - Praise the dark lord, that's great news."
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"No, it's not great news. We love the name Pied Piper."
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"It's a classic fairy tale."
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"Well, I looked it up."
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"It's about a predatory flautist"
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"who murders children in a cave."
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"It has all of that going for it, Richard, and I still hate it."
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"Richard, if we are going to change the name, we need to do it now."
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"Names stick. My name's only Jared because Gavin called me that on my first day."
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"My real name is Donald."
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"But, Jared, we already bought the t-shirts."
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"I can't take these back. It was an online order."
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"What is that atrocity?"
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"What are we, an Irish pornography company?"
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"I thought we were gonna replace the name Pied Piper."
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"I thought it was a Place Holder."
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"PlaceHolder would honestly be a better name than Pied Piper."
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"Richard, I've actually been holding off telling people I'm the co-founder"
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"of Pied Piper because frankly,"
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"it's a little embarrassing."
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"Well, um, just to remind you, you are not the co-founder."
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"So please don't tell anyone."
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"Richard, take Aviato. That's not a name I found, it's a name that found me"
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"on a vision quest."
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"Something that you should do."
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"No, no. I'm not gonna eat a bunch of drugs"
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"and sit out in the desert,"
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"and hope some name randomly pops in my head."
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"Well, then I question your leadership."
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"Richard, a name defines a company."
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"It has to be something primal, something that you can scream out during intercourse."
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"Like Aviato."
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"[Moaning] Uuuuber!"
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"[Moaning] Gooooogle!"
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"[Moaning] Huuuuuulu!"
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"Exactly, right. [Moaning] Pied Piper!"
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"I'm so sorry. Your voice doesn't really reach that register when you ejaculate, does it?"
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"No, it's just, everyone was doing it, I was just chiming in."
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"[Sighs]"
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"[Techno music playing]"
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"You guys, we can't change our name."
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"I can't go into Peter Gregory's office with a new name,"
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"and ask him to cut me a new check."
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"I mean, he's pulled funding from companies for a lot less."
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"Uh, the Pied Piper name and trademark are registered to a sprinkler company in Gilroy."
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"I guess you could head out there and talk to them."
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"- But they may refuse... - Ok. No, no, no. I'll negotiate with them."
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"No offense, Richard, but you're not a strong negotiator."
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"- I'm a great negotiator, Dinesh. - You're a terrible negotiator."
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"I'm a decent negotiator."
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"Just, so..."
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"Oh, Peter, you're here. Uh..."
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"We were supposed to meet 40 minutes ago with the guys from Astraphile"
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"about the emergency capital injection."
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"As we discussed, our North Carolina plant went sideways."
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"So we need 15 million now or we'll have to shut down."
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"Have any of you ever eaten at Burger King?"
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"Yes... [Chuckles]"
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"Why?"
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"Well, I was just driven past one."
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"And while I know their market cap is seven billion dollars-plus,"
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"I realize I am unfamiliar with their offerings."
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"Ok, fine."
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"But what does that have to do..."
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"Is it popular among your peers?"
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"Is it enjoyed?"
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"- People seem to like it. - Yeah, it's ok."
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"And their selection consists solely of these burgers,"
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"of which they are presumably king? [Chuckles]"
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"They have other things. Chicken, fish."
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"I'm sorry. What are we doing here?"
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"[Laughs nervously]"
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"Here is what we will do."
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"Monica, have one of the assistants go to the nearest burger king location"
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"and purchase one of everything."
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"[Jared] Hey, Dinesh. Dinesh."
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"I'm on the phone with the bank and they say they need an extra form for your payroll,"
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"because of your visa?"
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"Visa? What visa?"
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