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Clips from Silicon Valley - Articles of Incorporation (S01E01)

"I'm a fucking us citizen."
Silicon Valley
"I have Dinesh Chugtai here, and he's pretty irate because..."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, I see."
Silicon Valley
"Bertram Gilfoyle is the foreign national"
Silicon Valley
"citizen of Canada."
Silicon Valley
"Ok, thank you."
Silicon Valley
"You're Canadian?"
Silicon Valley
"Your borders are merely a construct."
Silicon Valley
"I prefer to think of myself as a citizen of the world."
Silicon Valley
"Do you mind just sending them the form so they know you're here legally?"
Silicon Valley
"Yes, I mind."
Silicon Valley
"And also I may not be."
Silicon Valley
"To wit, maybe you could make out my checks to cash?"
Silicon Valley
"Or bitcoin."
Silicon Valley
"I didn't know I was working with an illegal."
Silicon Valley
"The irony."
Silicon Valley
"Well, sometimes we do center pivot,"
Silicon Valley
"but mainly we do lineal like you see out there."
Silicon Valley
"What is it your business does again?"
Silicon Valley
"Something to do with algebra?"
Silicon Valley
"Uh... algorithm, actually."
Silicon Valley
"It's for compression."
Silicon Valley
"Ultimately what we're trying to do is..."
Silicon Valley
"[Chuckles] You remind me of my son."
Silicon Valley
"He's got asperger's too."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, no, I don't uh..."
Silicon Valley
"Probably all those pesticides they put on the crops."
Silicon Valley
"Well, whatever it is your business does,"
Silicon Valley
"I don't think it's going to interfere with my irrigation company here."
Silicon Valley
"I'm thinking about getting in another line of work anyway."
Silicon Valley
"All these foreigners coming over here,"
Silicon Valley
"putting pieces of shit like that all over the good farmland around here."
Silicon Valley
"All so people can sit around, stare at their phones all day."
Silicon Valley
"Nobody jerks off to magazines any more."
Silicon Valley
"Uh, well, actually, that is a server farm."
Silicon Valley
"What we do, compression,"
Silicon Valley
"would mean fewer of those, because we'd save a lot of memory space."
Silicon Valley
"- Really? - Yeah."
Silicon Valley
"Well, I'm all for that, believe me."
Silicon Valley
"I'll tell you what."
Silicon Valley
"You can have the name for a thousand dollars."
Silicon Valley
"How's that sound?"
Silicon Valley
"Uh, that sounds great!"
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, cool. [Chuckles]"
Silicon Valley
"Oh, tremors, too, huh?"
Silicon Valley
"Just like my boy."
Silicon Valley
"[Phone rings]"
Silicon Valley
"Go for Erlich."
Silicon Valley
"This is Richard Hendricks, CEO of Pied Piper."
Silicon Valley
"That's right. You guys said I was a bad negotiator, but I closed it!"
Silicon Valley
"We got a name. Tell everyone you know."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, all right."
Silicon Valley
"You don't sound that impressed."
Silicon Valley
"[Erlich] No, no, I am."
Silicon Valley
"I just..."
Silicon Valley
"Now we're Pied Piper. So, later."
Silicon Valley
"Here you go."
Silicon Valley
"You must drink a lot of margaritas huh?"
Silicon Valley
"We will now."
Silicon Valley
"I have a startup that just got funded"
Silicon Valley
"so this is just kind of a gift for my guys to celebrate."
Silicon Valley
"Hup..."
Silicon Valley
"Good luck with that."
Silicon Valley
"You'll need, too, it when this town kicks you in the balls."
Silicon Valley
"- Ok. Sure. - Let me get the door for you."
Silicon Valley
"I had three startups, myself,"
Silicon Valley
"and I couldn't get those sand hill road morons to fund any of them."
Silicon Valley
"Cowards. My last company was genius."
Silicon Valley
"Have you ever been lost in a parking lot before?"
Silicon Valley
"Uh..."
Silicon Valley
"What app would do is use existing AvL technology, right?"
Silicon Valley
"So you'd type in the VIN number. And if you car didn't have AvL capabilities"
Silicon Valley
"you would just type in whatever section of the parking lot you were in,"
Silicon Valley
"like P3, or ground seven."
Silicon Valley
"So you just, you just write down what section of the parking lot you're in?"
Silicon Valley
"Why do you need an app for that?"
Silicon Valley
"So you can remember where you parked."
Silicon Valley
"Right, uh, but why don't you just write it down on paper?"
Silicon Valley
"Well, yeah. But this is for your phone."
Silicon Valley
"Ok, so it's just sorta like notepad?"
Silicon Valley
"- Exactly! See? You get it. - Yeah. I get it."
Silicon Valley
"Why can't all those fucking VCs?"
Silicon Valley
"- [Chuckles] - Pussies, man."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, there we go, thanks."
Silicon Valley
"[Grunts]"
Silicon Valley
"This is which one?"
Silicon Valley
"The BK double stacker."
Silicon Valley
"Fascinating..."
Silicon Valley
"Peter, I know that you are"
Silicon Valley
"incredibly busy with... this."
Silicon Valley
"But I made a personal promise to the Astraphile guys that none of their employees would lose"
Silicon Valley
"their job, which will happen at midnight to..."
Silicon Valley
"Do you see this?"
Silicon Valley
"The junior whopper?"
Silicon Valley
"No, not the sandwich."
Silicon Valley
"This seed... Atop the breading."
Silicon Valley
"Those are sesame seeds."
Silicon Valley
"A high number of these breadings have sesame seeds on them."
Silicon Valley
"Billions of breadings."
Silicon Valley
"Sesame seeds."
Silicon Valley
"They only grow in certain microclimates."
Silicon Valley
"Peter, I know you don't want to cause"
Silicon Valley
"a hundred and seventy three people in North..."
Silicon Valley
"Cicadas."
Silicon Valley
"- Gentlemen! - Hey!"
Silicon Valley
"It's our own personal Herb Cohen!"
Silicon Valley
"- Who? - Herb Cohen."
Silicon Valley
"He's a famous negotiator. Wrote a bunch of textbooks."
Silicon Valley
"- No? - What?"
Silicon Valley
"Have you seen the blogs?"
Silicon Valley
"[Richard] No."
Silicon Valley
"Erlich went ham on all the tech sites."
Silicon Valley
"He hit TechCrunch, Recode, and PandoDaily."
Silicon Valley
"Listen to what Kara swisher says."
Silicon Valley
"Individually, says Erlich Bachman, We are formidable."
Silicon Valley
"But when you combine our portfolios,"
Silicon Valley
"Peter Gregory and I account for billions of dollars in assets."
Silicon Valley
"We at Pied Piper look forward to giving Gavin Belson"
Silicon Valley
"and the donkeys at Nucleus a run for their money."
Silicon Valley
"[Chuckles] What a dick."
Silicon Valley
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